BeABetterMan

Everyone knows the story. All of our stories are mostly similar.

Since I first came to this site, I've lost a job, a wife, a girlfriend (that I love dearly), my health, my self esteem, my hope. I actually didn't lose any of those things. I traded them. For alcohol.

I've failed so many times. 4 treatment centers, countless attempts at AA. I do not know where to go to get hope, to get dedication. My ego stands between me and happiness. Between me and my higher power.

Did ANOTHER step 1 today. And meeting with my new sponsor. I'm from Phoenix and have been living in LA for 8 months and I know NO ONE. I knew one person, my gf, and I ran her off. I just wish that I could remember this pain, this despair the next time I go to pick up that drink. But us alcoholics are tough. I totaled a brand new BMW two months ago. 4 days later I was on that same road. Drunk again.

Even with all the calamity, I have a lot to be grateful for. But I see something TERRIBLE coming my way if I continue to drink. I've always planned to die at 60 (pragmatic look at my lifestyle arrives at that number). If I stop drinking though, I could live to be 80. See my kids have kids.

Please God grant me courage and strength. I've no other options.

january161992

ive known many people who have bounced in and out of aa for years and years before they finally put the plug in the jug, followed some simple direction and achieved long term sobriety

keep going to meetings and dont give up

Steely

You have the courage and the strength.

Mattq2

I don't know how many times I tried to quit over thirty years. Then it finally sticks. Maybe I learned enough, or maybe I learned enough about me, or maybe I was finally scared enough that it stuck. I know you can do it so many have. You just can't ever give up. Ever.

Anna

It sounds like you are ready to make this work. I hope so. I think that motivation is the key to making recovery work. It hurts me to read that you say you have failed so many times. This disease robs us of everything that matters, and it's relentless, but you can step away. We are here for you.

Dee74

Welcome back

I think, whatever method you choose, you need to take drinking off the table as a viable option...no drinking no matter what..

It will probably mean some short term discomfort but it will get better, and you'll learn to live and deal with things sober

D

heartcore

Knowing no one, in a new city, is actually a great situation to start a brand new life.

Many of us have tried, plummeted, tried again. But for every single person who is in recovery, there is a magical moment, the last try, the time it sticks.

Regarding the "I'll die at 60":
I'm 50. I always threw out the "50 is good enough for me," back when I was 30.
Nope. I've got a ton of things I still want from life, & likely still will at 60! Life. Life. I do want grandkids. Maybe a last love. I have travels to do. Good things for the world. Another excellent cup of coffee & a muffin.

I sure don't want the harsh & horrible (& lonely!) death of a chronic alcoholic! It ain't pretty! It is horrifying!

This can be it. This can be the day that everything changes! You get the privilege of still being able to change everything...

teatreeoil007

Beware the voice that is like an enemy to your soul....telling you things ....it is a close sibling to apathy. I wish I could wave my magic wand around this world and say, "Apathy be GONE." AND "Zap." Good-bye apathy.

And the enemy of our soul has some things it would like us to really listen to and it's a dead ringer for the apathy language. Things like, "What's the point?", "You tried before and it didn't work, so what makes you think you can do it this time?", "Life is just downhill from here..." "It's too late to make a change."

My best encouragement: *Don't*Buy*Into*It*!!!!!!! Don't buy into it. If I gave you 10K and said go spend it however you want, how would you spend it? What would you buy? Your choice. You can buy into whatever you want.....or NOT. Please don't think I'm preaching at you cause I'm really preaching at myself. I'm in my'50's now & while I will admit some things are harder....I'm finding so much is just my "mind-set".

fgo

I think it was the first time I've heard the term traded vs lost when it comes to drinking, but it is so true. When we pick up a drink, we trade an opportunity for something good.

Luchogarza

Hang in there my friend. What is the alternative? Give up and drink ourselves to death? At least you are fighting. Keep doing it!