Guyfromthenorth

Hello all. Im a 25 year old guy from northern Europe , ive had my last staw with alcohol..

I know I will eventually kill my self or someone, If i contenue the way Ive had.

Last weekend I cought my self driving 160km/h, drunk on a narrow highway..and allmost went off the road. But I did not..it was in the middle of the night and noone else but me is aware of that incident...and that was my last straw...THE STUPIDEST THING IVE EVER DONE

However I did not become sober until yesterday. So im on only my 2nd day.

I was rised by an alcoholic father, have been reguraly binged since I was 17..had access to booze, used to steal it behind my fathers back who did not seem to notice, because I stole it only when he was passed out drunk. Things only got worse when I went to collage (lots of parties). I was allways the guy who got the most drunk. During collage I somehow managed to find a girlfriend, who I really fell for. We moved in together and lived for 2,5 years. Even got engaded. But she left me. Why? Well you can guess 3x. That was in November 2015. So little more then a year ago.
That break up was a moment of clarity for me. I joined a gym, quit boozing and got into best shape of my entire life. However things changed in summer 2016, when I went on vacation to Southern Europe. I made the terrible mistake and said to my self "you know what, maybe im not an alcoholic, ill just have a few" Ended up pounding a six pack every night and well since then it has been pretty much every night until now.

Recently it has spiraled out of control tho..more like 2 sixpacks a night. My tolerance is through the roof.

Funny thing is despite all of this drinking ive still manged to drag my hungover ass to the gym 4-5 times a week so im still in a very good shape, even more leaner and muscular then last spring, when i trained just as hard with out alcohol. I guess I just sweat away all the emty calories and ive still followed a healthy bodybuilder style diet plan. I guess thats why my friends dont notice my problem...But i do. I can see it in my face...dark rings around my eyes...bloated face..yellow teeth because I pass out with out waching them...It sucks, im disgusted of my self.

How do I feel?

Well luckly my withdrawal symptoms are very mild. Slight anxiety, irrability, difficulty focusing, decreased appetite, crazy vivid dreams (saw me and my ex togheter in my dream yesterday night , woke up very sad), alcohol cravings on times when I used to drink.

I am a binge drinker. And I drink at night. Lets say from 6 to 2-3 in the morning. Thats where my cravings starts, and they last until I go to bed. Luckly no day time.

Well thats me....not a good person, regarding what ive done. and i want to change until I kill my self young or live a long unhappy life alone.

Have a good night and sorry for my english

Anna

Welcome, and your English is excellent.

I'm glad that you decided to stop drinking. It's good that you exercise and eat well, but, yes, drinking does rob us of self-esteem. I think having a plan to help you stop drinking and recover is very important. How will you spend your evenings now that you are no longer drinking?

Guyfromthenorth

Hello Anna,

Im accually a lead guitarist (have played for 10 years, but not much in the last year because of my drinking)...so Ill think Ill spend my nights getting my skill up again and maybe record some new ideas Also find a new band in the future

Guyfromthenorth

btw. Is it normal to have an excessive thirst? Ive gone through 3 liters of water atleast today and im still thirsty..

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

thomas11

Yes, and your appetite may increase significantly. Keep working out!

Ekohe

Your story is almost the exact same as mine. I am also 25, have been a binge drinker (always the most drunk at the party) since around 18. I am in phenomenal shape physically, eating very healthy and spending time in the gym, but the binge drinking was making my underlying anxiety 10 000 times worse and it was killing me. I have managed to string together over 125 days so far and I have to say I never imagined I would feel this good. It's worth it my man, especially because youth helps us recover quite quickly.

All the best to you brother.

Guyfromthenorth

Yea, Im socially awkward, working out has improved it ten fold but still I think the main reason of my drinking is anciety, and Ive searched relief from it by getting drunk...And yes, i concider my self lucky that ive realised I have a problem at such a still young age.

TheOwl

Hello glad you have decided to stop, best wishes for the future

Guyfromthenorth

Best whishes to you to!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Guyfromthenorth!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Guyfromthenorth

sounds like you have a lot of good reasons to quit - you'll find a lot of support here.

Do you play in a band? if so, is that going to be a problem for your sobriety?

D

D122y

Guy,

welcome.

Wanting to quit is more than half the battle.

Now get through detox, withdrawals. Heal. it will take a month or so.

Then get used to the mental suffering. It goes away eventually.

I still suffer a bit at 21 months clean.

Mostly though, I now feel amazing.

Suffering equals craving. It also equals being uncomfortable. Also having axiety.

Alof things are temporarily quelled by alcohol.

But, we Drunks are aware of the repercussions.

The key is being content sober. I have sober role models.

I copy them. Hang w sober people, copy them.

Thanks.

Hevyn

It's good to meet you, Guy!

I once drank like you - but I didn't do a thing about it. All the warning signs were there, but I refused to take action or ask for help. As a result, my life was turned upside down by my dependency. This won't happen to Guyfromthenorth. Be proud of yourself.

Verdantia

Hey, Guy! Welcome and congratulations on day 2; I hope there are many more sober days to come for you. I am a musician, too. My primary instrument is bass, and spending time practicing has been very important to my recovery. I have 13 months of sobriety and things are so much better for me now. Wishing you the best!

PhoenixJ

Welcome GFTN. It is rare for one so 'young' in alcoholism to have the gift of awareness. Please use that wisely and remain sober- forever. Do not find yourself waking up in 20 years time remembering this post and thinking, 'I could have stopped then.'
Prayers, PJ.

Guyfromthenorth

Currently im not in a band, but ive been in many...and I would like to form a new one one day. I think my mucicianship has been a huge contributor to the development of my drinking problem. Since im into hard rock and heavy metal music (northern European stuff ), then there allways been beers at rehersals and venues usually give a case of beer to the band as well as some money, also alot of drinking going on in metal community in general....So it will get difficult once I start performing again. But you know, I can allways say that I dont want beer and demand some mineral water from the organizer and other band mates who do drink....Maybe talk to them, set a rule- We are professionals, we dont drink at rehersals and during performance, I might as well do my part and get out of the venue as quiickly as possible, and leave my mates there to drink, if they want. So yea got to sort this point out.

What would you more expirienced do in my situation?

Day 3 going strong

Dee74

I lost my musical career through my drinking, so it took me a while to regain trust there, and to get to a point where I knew I wanted to be a musician and not a rock star.

I moved to a small community and when I was ready I played with sober guys for a while - that was fun...but I moved back to a big city a couple of years ago which has meant sometimes I'm around booze and drugs.

I can't say it's tested my resolve tho -I love the sober life I've built and I love the sober me.

I prefer being sober and I love playing sober.

I think if you can get to that point you can go anywhere and do anything - so long as you remember that all it might take is one drink to lose all you've worked for.

D

Delilah1

Welcome Guy,

I am glad you are here, and that you didn't hurt yourself or someone else last weekend. Three days is a great start, and sounds like you have doing this before. When you quit in 2015 what supports did you have in place to help you with recovery?

You sound like you have lots of good things going for you, and you are also smart to stop the madness at such a young age. I wish I had stopped drinking at 25.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!

Guyfromthenorth

Yes, ive tryed going sober sober before. Even as early as 5 years ago, when I only was 20. But just like now, in 2015 I did not have any support at all, only huge desire to get in shape and alcohol hinders that progress...but since I got there where I kinda wanted to be physically, I started drinking again...Now I want to stay sober because of Im sick of it. It has complitley deflated me from happiness, Im really dissapointed with my life at the moment. Things are not going where I would like them to be heading, and I know its because I drink. When I drink I lose all the "drive" in me and just want to drink more. Then wake up...do some things during daytime and at night when I could deal with my hobbies and fullfilling by dreams, I drink again. Not anymore tho, I want out.

All I really want is a loving girlfriend again who I could marry one day and create a family...Its a long way but in the end...when Ive made it. I know happiness will return