Feeling thrown back, not sure I can do this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Feeling thrown back, not sure I can do this
First of all, im sorry for posting so infrequently, I feel like I should try to give back a bit more when I am feeling positive.
It's day 99 for me today. I had a phase of feeling really good and comfortable about sobriety and it seemed like I made good progress. For the past 2 weeks or so I often had this feeling of extreme sadness / emptiness that I don't think I ever experienced before getting sober. Nothing seems to cheer me up those days, I get rarely anything done, nothing is enjoyable. I feel very lonely, even when I'm with my boyfriend. I had a couple of okay days in between but the majority of the time I feel pretty **** and not drinking becomes very difficult again.
I heard similar things from a couple of people during recovery, that there's ups and downs but at the moment I feel a bit demotivated and thrown back and wish could have a drink or 5 :-(
Plus it's my birthday in a few days and I'm worried I'll still feel like this.
It's day 99 for me today. I had a phase of feeling really good and comfortable about sobriety and it seemed like I made good progress. For the past 2 weeks or so I often had this feeling of extreme sadness / emptiness that I don't think I ever experienced before getting sober. Nothing seems to cheer me up those days, I get rarely anything done, nothing is enjoyable. I feel very lonely, even when I'm with my boyfriend. I had a couple of okay days in between but the majority of the time I feel pretty **** and not drinking becomes very difficult again.
I heard similar things from a couple of people during recovery, that there's ups and downs but at the moment I feel a bit demotivated and thrown back and wish could have a drink or 5 :-(
Plus it's my birthday in a few days and I'm worried I'll still feel like this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm sorry you're feeling down, and hopefully things will look up soon. I think there always ups and downs in life, so it's all about getting through those and remaining sober. I wish you an early Happy Birthday!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi kevlarsjal - congrats on your progress and Happy Birthday for a few days time 
It's not unprecedented for people to feel like this around 90-100 days. Some people experience a thing called PAWs, which can kind of catapult us back to the way we felt early in withdrawal..
http://digital-dharma.net/post-acute...r-immediately/
Of course it may also be you're depressed, especially if you have a prior history of being depressed. Have you considered seeing your Dr?
D
It's not unprecedented for people to feel like this around 90-100 days. Some people experience a thing called PAWs, which can kind of catapult us back to the way we felt early in withdrawal..
http://digital-dharma.net/post-acute...r-immediately/
Of course it may also be you're depressed, especially if you have a prior history of being depressed. Have you considered seeing your Dr?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Hi Anna, hi Dee! Thanks for the early birthday wishes and encouraging words :-)
Yes I did some reading about PAWS today and it sounds very much like it. It's a bit frustrating to read that it normally lasts for 2 years. But I guess I have to remember that there's no way around it if I don't want to be drinking for the rest of my life. And that's what I don't want my future to look like, that's why I quit.
I have weekly therapy sessions and have mentioned feeling very sad without knowing why. But we're working on so many things in my therapy right now, she didn't say much about this specific problem. She doesn't talk much about my addiction or recovery anyway, as how she sees it, it's not my main problem. Maybe I should mention it again or ask if I can see her twice a week for a while.
Yes I did some reading about PAWS today and it sounds very much like it. It's a bit frustrating to read that it normally lasts for 2 years. But I guess I have to remember that there's no way around it if I don't want to be drinking for the rest of my life. And that's what I don't want my future to look like, that's why I quit.
I have weekly therapy sessions and have mentioned feeling very sad without knowing why. But we're working on so many things in my therapy right now, she didn't say much about this specific problem. She doesn't talk much about my addiction or recovery anyway, as how she sees it, it's not my main problem. Maybe I should mention it again or ask if I can see her twice a week for a while.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
it actually says up to two years, but my experience was a few brief episodes of a day or so around 90-120 days and then nothing more.
There's a good section in that link on managing the symptoms too
I think asking your therapist about it and maybe increasing your sessions is a great idea
D
There's a good section in that link on managing the symptoms too
I think asking your therapist about it and maybe increasing your sessions is a great idea
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I've had a couple of relapses right around that 120 day mark. I've always regretted them.
It's like a strange little hump where you're losing the "wind at your back" of the first three months, & haven't fully built the new life which will engage you.
It's ok to feel down here & there. Even folks without addictions or trauma or depression just have cyclic, off weeks.
Ps. Beware the therapist's idea that alcohol & drugs aren't your primary problem. I've had a few therapists tell me this also, because I have a dramatic trauma back-story. They tell me my main issue is the PTSD, & that I've been using alcohol/drugs to cope.
My AV loves it (wiggles with joy) when therapists say this out loud. But I'm getting wiser, & have a handful of relapses to look back on, & my wisdom is that irregardless of original trauma or a diagnosis code, alcohol & drugs set me back & take me to the dark place. And I know - for sure - that no therapist of mine has ever personally witnessed my behavior when drunk and loaded on cocaine - so they know not of what they speak! Still love the therapy, but I definitely over-ride that suggestion in my mind...
It's like a strange little hump where you're losing the "wind at your back" of the first three months, & haven't fully built the new life which will engage you.
It's ok to feel down here & there. Even folks without addictions or trauma or depression just have cyclic, off weeks.
Ps. Beware the therapist's idea that alcohol & drugs aren't your primary problem. I've had a few therapists tell me this also, because I have a dramatic trauma back-story. They tell me my main issue is the PTSD, & that I've been using alcohol/drugs to cope.
My AV loves it (wiggles with joy) when therapists say this out loud. But I'm getting wiser, & have a handful of relapses to look back on, & my wisdom is that irregardless of original trauma or a diagnosis code, alcohol & drugs set me back & take me to the dark place. And I know - for sure - that no therapist of mine has ever personally witnessed my behavior when drunk and loaded on cocaine - so they know not of what they speak! Still love the therapy, but I definitely over-ride that suggestion in my mind...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal 
Hi Anna, hi Dee! Thanks for the early birthday wishes and encouraging words :-)
Yes I did some reading about PAWS today and it sounds very much like it. It's a bit frustrating to read that it normally lasts for 2 years. But I guess I have to remember that there's no way around it if I don't want to be drinking for the rest of my life. And that's what I don't want my future to look like, that's why I quit.
I have weekly therapy sessions and have mentioned feeling very sad without knowing why. But we're working on so many things in my therapy right now, she didn't say much about this specific problem. She doesn't talk much about my addiction or recovery anyway, as how she sees it, it's not my main problem. Maybe I should mention it again or ask if I can see her twice a week for a while.
Yes I did some reading about PAWS today and it sounds very much like it. It's a bit frustrating to read that it normally lasts for 2 years. But I guess I have to remember that there's no way around it if I don't want to be drinking for the rest of my life. And that's what I don't want my future to look like, that's why I quit.
I have weekly therapy sessions and have mentioned feeling very sad without knowing why. But we're working on so many things in my therapy right now, she didn't say much about this specific problem. She doesn't talk much about my addiction or recovery anyway, as how she sees it, it's not my main problem. Maybe I should mention it again or ask if I can see her twice a week for a while.
I would for sure keep going, and also throw some AA meetings in there as well should make for a great double team to work out your issues to stay on the sober path.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I totally agree with heartcore about disregarding the suggestion from your therapist that your addiction is not your main problem. Now, it is most likely the case that there are other things that need to be addressed in therapy, but a holistic approach is probably what you need right now. It's all tied up together, at least it was for me. Kind of a chicken and egg thing. Did the depression and past trauma cause the drinking, or did the drinking cause the depression? BOTH, is what I decided. Ignoring the addiction and recovery is kind of dangerous, I think. Just my opinion.
Also - I do remember feeling the same way at about the same point you are at. You just have to remember that nothing is worth drinking over. You have made great progress - keep it going. You'll never regret sticking with sobriety. The low times will pass, and get less frequent, as long as you stay sober and work on any underlying depression.
Also - I do remember feeling the same way at about the same point you are at. You just have to remember that nothing is worth drinking over. You have made great progress - keep it going. You'll never regret sticking with sobriety. The low times will pass, and get less frequent, as long as you stay sober and work on any underlying depression.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal
I have weekly therapy sessions and have mentioned feeling very sad without knowing why. But we're working on so many things in my therapy right now, she didn't say much about this specific problem. She doesn't talk much about my addiction or recovery anyway, as how she sees it, it's not my main problem. Maybe I should mention it again or ask if I can see her twice a week for a while.
im wondering if the sadness could be caused by working on the many things?
id encourage asking about twice a week therapy sessions.
personally I believe alcoholism and addiction are only symptoms of much deeper problems that have to be addressed
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
Me? I had that- still do some days. I see a doctor- manage depression with antid's. Recovery is a recovery of everything. Mind, body and soul. If you feel crappy- why and what to do? Heaps of info at SR.
Prayers and support, PJ.
Prayers and support, PJ.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
I experienced several prolonged periods of depression for years after I quit drinking. And it would bother me because I would think, "I'm not drinking anymore, and things are pretty good in my life, so why do I feel so down?" Through my own research and then speaking with a doctor, we determined that I had been dealing with certain issues (depression, anxiety, and others) even before my drinking, and those issues had not been properly addressed. Through a combination of therapy sessions and medication, those problems now bother me much more rarely. I don't know if the drinking was always an attempt to cover or compensate for those other issues, or if my addition to alcohol was its own separate entity, but I do know that my problems and my drinking fed off of each other. And when I stopped drinking, after the initial euphoric stage, I began to experience those other problems much more acutely since I wasn't numbing myself with booze. I don't advocate that anyone just start taking medication to fix mental or emotional issues, but my doctor and I found a combination of medicine and therapy that works very well for me.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
My experience has been the same as Dee's...right around 100 days I hit some kind of misery wall, but powered through it and it's been generally uphill from there to now at day 390-something.
Do NOT listen to your therapist on this one, because my AV would have driven a semi through that loophole. Maybe drinking is not your root problem, but I can say with 100% assurance that drinking is NOT the root solution.
Exhibit A: I have been going through all kinds of major life stressors right now that would have clobbered me back in my drinking days. Now...it's like I just roll with it. I still have screaming hissy fits (inside, where no one can hear me scream,) I still have times when bad news just seems like all I hear...but most of the time, I trust myself to roll up my sleeves and get on with it. I trust myself. That's new.
Don't quit on yourself, please?
Do NOT listen to your therapist on this one, because my AV would have driven a semi through that loophole. Maybe drinking is not your root problem, but I can say with 100% assurance that drinking is NOT the root solution.
Exhibit A: I have been going through all kinds of major life stressors right now that would have clobbered me back in my drinking days. Now...it's like I just roll with it. I still have screaming hissy fits (inside, where no one can hear me scream,) I still have times when bad news just seems like all I hear...but most of the time, I trust myself to roll up my sleeves and get on with it. I trust myself. That's new.
Don't quit on yourself, please?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
I would have to disagree with those saying not to listen to a medical professional. My guess is that they feel your underlying mental health issues are the main concern that need to be addressed at this point to get sorted out which will stop the thoughts of drinking for good.
Though like mentioned, don't be afraid to start hitting up AA meetings in addition to your therapist to tackle the alcoholism aspect directly, or perhaps start seeing an additional therapist that specializes in addiction issues.
Though like mentioned, don't be afraid to start hitting up AA meetings in addition to your therapist to tackle the alcoholism aspect directly, or perhaps start seeing an additional therapist that specializes in addiction issues.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Forward12 - yes, I didn't mean to imply she shouldn't listen to the therapist, just that she shouldn't let the statement that the addiction isn't the problem to create a loophole, as Aries said. I just think it all needs to be addressed at the same time. And an additional therapist that specializes in addiction issues is a great idea.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
