TimeForMe

Hi all - Luckily things have been very quiet for me lately - which is a nice change from the chaos of the past.

XAH and I are now amicably sharing "custody" of the two dogs, and I have them now because he's out of the country for work.

I got a phone call tonight from him and I answered it because he's in the Middle East and I of course was worried since he doesn't call to just chat. He has been drinking (you all know "the voice") and says his wallet was stolen and he's been trying to cancel his credit cards and asked for my help doing that. So I went online and cancelled them. The whole call lasted maybe ten minutes.

Right now, I am feeling so anxious and stressed about the situation. It's 4am where he is. The story he told me is making all my internal alarms go off. I don't think I'm getting the whole truth...not that I asked about what happened. I don't want to know. It's not my problem any longer.

On one hand, I am *soooooooooooo* happy that these situations are not part of my day-to-day life anymore. On the other, I'm don't like the fact that I am feeling these old feelings of worry, mistrust, fear, and dread.

I don't regret helping him cancel the cards. I would hope he would do the same for me. I'm so glad to be off the crazy train and just want this anxiety to go away.

I don't really think I need advice. Insight, maybe? I think I just needed to get it off my chest, to people I know will understand.

maia1234

TFM,
It's amazing not being married to him but having the anxiety again. It floods back like it was yesterday and nothing had changed. I get that feeling even when I just see my axh. I think it part of the love that you shared and the "enabler" in us. Ugh!!!

I think it was very good of you to help him as he was out of the country. Hopefully it is a one time situation that he needs assistance and you aren't falling back into the full time job of "helping" him.

You are a good, kind person and he is lucky to have you on his side.

TimeForMe

Thank you, Maia. I'm definitely not going to fall back into the enabling that I was doing before. These feelings just suck!

hope778

TimeForMe - I think when any big event happens in our lives (or, in our instance, anything emotionally traumatizing) it stays with us. I don't know that it will ever go away...? It is similar to how those of us who are still with our RAH's feel old feelings quite frequently. I am with my husband who is in recovery, but don't think those old anxious feelings or the thought of "If his mouth is moving, he is lying" don't come up - often! It is a constant battle.

hopeful4

I think the residue of all the chaos takes a VERY LONG time to go away in our heads.

When you go through the trauma and merry go round of what most people on these boards do, it won't just go away. This year will be year three since my X and I split. I am SO GLAD not to have to deal with him on a personal level, but still coparent with him, which is the most stressful thing I have ever done in my life.

I know it took me a lot of years to get to that bad of a place in my head, and I know it's going to take me a long time to get it out of my head too.

Hugs to everyone here.

Maudcat

Hey, Time. The credit card incident has temporarily pulled you back into his crazy-making vortex, that's all. I would suspect, as you do, that there is more to the story than you are getting, but...as you say, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Anymore.
I think you will feel better in the morning. Peac.

TimeForMe

You guys are the best. Thanks for your perspective.