wildchild69

Hi Everyone! I've made several attempts at removing alcohol from my life completely and I'm on day 8 now. I'm hoping to stay in this for the long term, but am still struggling with the "forever" idea. I don't go out much, I'm a working student mom and there's just not time....however, when I do meet up with friends on occasion there's usually drinks involved. Do you think it's wrong of me to just NOT meet up with anyone for a while? I only ask because just today I was trying to set up a time to get together with an old friend, but the assumption was over a glass of wine. I so rarely meet up with anyone outside my family...so I'm lucky it's not a regular temptation. I guess I'd just like to hear some advice and what you guys think or do in the situation. I'm also trying to go at it differently this time....I don't want to meet up with an old friend and have that change my thought process at the moment. I really want to get strong mentally with this whole thing before I put myself in any tempting situations. What do you all think??
Sorry to ramble....

manama

Hi Wildchild [full of grace]. My drinking friends disappear when I'm on the wagon. Recently Iooked up and old friend who I hadn't seen in a while. There was no temptation to drink but we both quickly remembered why we don't stay in touch.

Maybe someone has been missing you, who does not imbibe.

saoutchik

Hi wildchild. It is definitely not wrong to avoid altogether, situations that include alcohol in early recovery. If you are concerned about telling your friends the reason you are not drinking you can always say you are on antibiotics or something.

The other thing is to maybe see your friend at a coffee shop or similar, someplace alcohol is not served

Most of us struggle with the "forever" concept and the consensus advice is to not to dwell on it but just to make sure you don't drink today

BrendaChenowyth

If drinking is the main event, it's not about friendship, it's about drinking. Move on from that.

If you can say "I'm not drinking" and they are totally cool with it, keep them as a friend and find new things to do together.

You don't need to write anyone off just because you used to drink with them. But why not openly ask that person if they would be cool hanging out without drinking because you want to lay off of it?

Some will be fine with it, and abstain too, because many people won't drink alone, and won't feel deprived of anything if they don't drink.

The person who argues and makes a big issue out of it, you need some space from them for a while.

Michael66

Hey there Wildchild. How about asking that one friend to go for a coffee instead? You could say you are having a break from alcohol, so would appreciate a chat over coffee.

Anna

I think you need to do what feels right to you. I did choose to stay away from situations where people were drinking for quite awhile. I think the most important thing is to feel good about what you choose to do. Getting together for coffee is an option, if that is something that would work for you. Congratulations on 8 days sober!

Ruby2

It sounds like you are really busy if you're a working student mom. I think it's great to take a break from all of that to socialize and to take care of yourself. I'm a working mom who sometimes needs a break from the kids. To get in social time with friends who are normal drinkers, and to avoid being around alcohol, I meet friends for breakfast or lunch or coffee and dessert. That's what I'd suggest. That gives you a social outlet, there is the added expectation that you will continue on with your day and other plans but have now caught up with your friend. No obligation to keep the party going into the wee hours.

If people ask about why you don't want to drink, I think you have a zillion good reasons for not going out drinking which are true. You want to stay fresh for school/work/kids. Hard to do any of those things with a hangover.

If you want to meet up with friends, I'd keep it small at first, low key and no pressure. Add on to small successes.

August252015

It is perfectly fine- perhaps suggested and even necessary- to say no to social interaction, even one on one, for as long as you need. I was very selective and had a very small circle- read: my parents, then gradually one or two friends in person (reached out to others in different ways)- for a long time. At 11 mo sober, I mostly accept or decline according to what I want to do- and I have also found that what I actually want to do has changed.

Taking care of yourself and NOT DRINKING should be the priorities now, if you do want this time to be different. It can be! Hope to see you around.

Doug39

Take it One Day at a Time. Saying forever is too much pressure.

I haven't stopped going to the places I went, or stopped seeing the people I did now that I am sober. I just do it all without drinking.

I was at a bar with my wife yesterday; she was drinking Bloody Marys to cure her hangover and I had ginger ale.

My wife still drinks everyday as do my friends - I would have to leave town if I didn't want to be around drinkers. I am making new, sober friends at AA and trying slowly to remove myself from alcohol related gatherings.

We talked about this at an AA meeting last night - once we are newly sober we should not try to completely rearrange our lives. We need to get about a year of sobriety under our belts and then make other changes and decisions.

If we change too much too fast we could get overwhelmed and fail.

aasharon90

Struggling with a forever idea......

In order to become successful in recovery,
long term recovery, a many one days sober
moving forward in life, there can be no reservations
in my mind that maybe one day I can have a
few drinks, maybe a glass of wine, just on special
occasions, ladies night out which is once a
week, etc.

I had to learn to squash that idea, that fantasy,
that wish or whatever I want to call it from the
very start of my recovery. I had to get all those
thoughts out of my mind and to know that I can
never ever drink successful again.

I had tried one time too many to control
my in take of alcohol and each time the
result was either horrible, drunk, disgusted,
fed up, sick and tired of my addiction.

I, like so many, can not handle alcohol. My
mind, body and soul cant take it. Period. The
only way to achieve success from my addiction
is to know and accept without a doubt I can
never drink alcohol unless I want to end up
drunk again, crazy or dead.

Sobriety and a life in recovery has allowed
me and others to achieve health, happiness
and freedom from our addiction once and for
all just by living in the day incorporating all
that has been taught to us about our addiction
and an effective program of recovery to
incorporate in all areas of our lives.

This is how I have remained sober for the
last 26 yrs one many one days without picking
up a drink and returning to my miserable
drinking addiction.

tomsteve

early on i thought for sure there were 93 hours in a day,so not drinking forever wasnt a good thought for me. one day at a time still works for me today. i plan on not drinking for the reast of my life, but do that one day at a time.

wildchild69

Thanks so much everyone for all the great advice. I can't think of any friends that would be pushy about me not drinking...I don't have a huge social group these days because of where I'm at in life, but the friends I do talk to are definitely real friends so I am blessed. I suppose my main concern was just within ME. I didn't want to agree to meet up....even if it's over coffee or something different....because I'm afraid it will shift something in my thinking.... maybe just make me overthink my decision (if that makes sense).
There's a very very reasonable excuse to make the social scenario NOT about drinking...and that's because our kids are friends. I plan on suggesting we meet at a bowling alley for my son's birthday to celebrate. My family will be there, so there's definitely no drinking angle involved whatsoever. My family consists of very sober females (now me included) and alcoholic males who have struggled off and on with sobriety my whole life. I have a good support system. Again, sorry to ramble...just wanted to say thank you and fill you in on my next plan of action.
I think I am going to lay low for quite a while though.....the hardest part is my kid. His best friend's mom used to live right down the street and we used to drink lots of wine together. His best friend's parents are big drinkers. I am very nervous to try to get together with them again except for the fact that driving is now a thing so the excuse for not drinking is there without further explanation. I do understand that you don't need an excuse not to drink....having trouble wording it properly. I think I am just nowhere near ready to be open about my struggle, so I'm not going to push it. I'm going to keep doing whatever it takes to keep my mind on the right track.

Thanks again for all the wonderful posts....and congrats on 26 years aasharon90!!! WOW! Very touching words.

Mountainmanbob

In early sobriety I pretty much stayed away from all drinkers when they were drinking.

Today when asked if I would like a drink, it's just as easy to say no than it used to be to say ok.

Until we get to that point in time -- best to play it safe.

M-Bob

BrendaChenowyth

"I'd love to but I'm in school and I need all my brain cells functioning at full capacity right now." Believe me, I know.

BixBees505

I don't know if it has been mentioned...but I saw a great post that will work for me...I've paraphrased as practice for myself....

"I wish I could, but it makes me sick---yes, even a little bit. It is the dangdest thing...my heart races, I can't sleep...I can feel the allergic reaction for days...it truly makes me ill. Please, go right ahead, order what you like. I'm having my new favorite, a Virgin Mary, please! Please continue, you were telling me about...."

In my circle, and maybe I'm lucky...the above will totally work.