Fatboyanon

I am 2weeks 3days sober. I am trying to find the best way to tell my wife about all of my drinking, but my wife has depression. She is very emotional constantly worrying about everything. I'm not sure if I should tell her everything because of this. I don't want her to have one more thing to be depressed and worrying about. Because this is something that has consumed my life mostly in secret she does not know the extent of my drinking. I have always been very good at hiding my drinking by having 1 or 2 in front of her and then sneaking the harder stuff, I constantly keep my self busy around the house because of the insanity that is being an alcoholic(if I keep busy while drinking I'm not an alcoholic) Is this something I should tell her? I want to be honest and open but I don't want to hurt her.

Elliemae215

I am going through a similar situation as well. Someone suggested, and I am considering this suggestion, that I will just say (for now) that I am going to stop drinking for awhile and work on becoming healthier. I have done this in the past, and he has respected my decision. I feel that once I get a handle on this, I will tell him more, but feel I must try this on my own first. I wish you well and hope you will continue to come back because it really helps, especially in the beginning when we don't know what to do. I'm on day. I keep thinking I have a handle on it, and clearly I don't. The guilt and remorse is unbearable! Hang in there!

JK130

You both sound like kind and loving people. Congrats for taking charge of your own health. Well done! Often, the people closest to us know more than we might think, so giving them a heads up that you're going alcohol free can be a win-win.

Elliemae, You can get sober and move on from those suffocating negative feelings!

entropy1964

Honesty is part of the foundation in recovery. Mostly its honesty to ourselves which helps determine our behavior, which will positively effect those around us.

BUT if that honesty harms someone then I'd say why do it? Your actions are far more important than your words. If she is an 'awfulizer' then telling her stuff she may or may not know that, if you stay sober, really doesn't matter, why bother?

In AA I have a sponsor and a community to tell this stuff too. My daughter just wants me to be a good Mom and healthy. She doesn't need to hear my horror stories.

Anna

Congratulations on 2 weeks and 3 days of sobriety! I agree that honesty with ourselves and with others is very important in recovery, especially if we've tried to hide our drinking (as I did). In my case, I didn't say anything at that time because I'd broken promises in the past, so I decided to just be quiet and do it. Perhaps you could tell your wife in such a way that it came across as a plan for a healthy lifestyle and not go into too many details right now. I'm not suggesting that you lie, and certainly if she asks, tell her the truth. But, maybe you don't need to dump everything on her right now.

Dee74

Some good advice here fatboyanon - whatever you decide to do, so long as you stay sober everything is going to get better

D

hodor

Hi Fatboyanon,
You're doing great! That amount of time up is a huge achievement.
I had a similar position, I was never honest about my drinking. The hiding it was eating me alive and I was going crazy trying to manage it all. My partner knew I drank too much, but I only let her see 'what I thought was acceptable', while keeping the hard stuff and the extra bottles and casks hidden.
I'm sure she knew more than she let on, but even at a year recovery I haven't dumped the full extent of it out into the open with her, apart from letting her know that I have a problem and am doing AA recovery for it.
I've been fully transparent with my sponsor and at some stage in the future I'm willing to talk about it with my partner. For now though the important part is staying sober and working the program and the rest will follow as its needed.
Try not to think too far ahead and have faith that the right time will come for anything you need to talk about.