This ****** up journey...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5
This ****** up journey...
I don't even know where to begin..1 year ago in an alcohol and mixed Prozac stupor I put a gun to my head and wanted to end it all. I really didn't feel that way, it was just a cry for help I think now, I have problems processing everything that happened that night..A lot of repressed issues from Post partum depression as my baby was only 7 mos. old, issues at home with her father treating me like absolute garbage. I ended up in the psych ward and was suspended from my job, who then placed me in a 28 day rehab. All because of alcohol, because I was HALT. Some of that or all of that. And because for the first time I used booze to numb the pain. I didn't take rehab seriously because I felt I didn't need it. I lasted a week out and began drinking again. And I'm still in the same boat, drinking at night because I'm basically bored and lonely. Once the baby goes to bed I saw it as my time to relax, now it's a bottle of night to relax and the consequesces are just going to come back to haunt me. I have no clue where to begin, but I do feel better mentally than I did last year but still in a fog of anger at my life. I did learn in rehab that it's ME that's the problem, not the alcohol...thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome, I hope you decide to stop drinking for yourself and your child. You will find lots of support here. This is a link with lots of ideas about how we stopped. Making a plan is a good start. Have you considered therapy for the anger issues you are dealing with? It might be helpful. I'm glad that your depression is better:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Adding alcohol to my life on top of my problems was the worst mistake of my life. Drinking left me feeling hopeless, confused and miserable.
The only way for me to sort it all out was to stop drinking all together. Clear my mind and begin to address my life sober. I needed support, I found that here.
I'm glad you joined us, we understand.
Looks like you took the first step by reaching out... good for you!
The only way for me to sort it all out was to stop drinking all together. Clear my mind and begin to address my life sober. I needed support, I found that here.
I'm glad you joined us, we understand.
Looks like you took the first step by reaching out... good for you!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Headstrong1 
I did learn in rehab that it's ME that's the problem, not the alcohol...
Alcohol may not be the only problem in your life, but it is likely the main problem, and it makes other problems worse over time, so for all practical purposes, the alcohol is the problem.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
My suggestion would be to return to rehab
now as your life depends on it. Go now with
willingness, openmindedness and honesty,
listen, learn, absorb and apply what they
teach you about addiction and its affects
on your body and those around you and
a program of recovery to incorporate in
all areas of your life when you return home.
For me, I went to rehab via a family intervention
when I, like you, wanted to end what I thought
was a failure of being a wife, mom and my ability
to control my addiction to alcohol. When I couldn't
go on any longer and wanted to give up, I took a
hand full of pills to want to sleep forever or a long
period of time.
I spent 28 days instay rehab with a 6 week out-
patient aftercare program attached before ending
my required program. From there I went to any
lengths to remain sober, following suggestions
seriously in order to remain sober and to begin
living a healthier, happier way of life moving forward.
My journey began 26 yrs ago and never did
I find people, places or things soooo hard to
accept or deal with to make me want to return
to my miserable life with alcohol addiction.
For each meeting I attended and here on SR,
for those who went back out to do some control
drinking or using or for whatever reason they
went out and return in to let me and others
know that alcohol or drugs hadn't changed,
that they felt guilty for going back out, that it
was the biggest mistake they could have ever
made, only confirmed to me that being sober
and living a life with a program of recovery as
my guideline is the best solution to remaining
sober each day for myself.
It can be for you as well.
now as your life depends on it. Go now with
willingness, openmindedness and honesty,
listen, learn, absorb and apply what they
teach you about addiction and its affects
on your body and those around you and
a program of recovery to incorporate in
all areas of your life when you return home.
For me, I went to rehab via a family intervention
when I, like you, wanted to end what I thought
was a failure of being a wife, mom and my ability
to control my addiction to alcohol. When I couldn't
go on any longer and wanted to give up, I took a
hand full of pills to want to sleep forever or a long
period of time.
I spent 28 days instay rehab with a 6 week out-
patient aftercare program attached before ending
my required program. From there I went to any
lengths to remain sober, following suggestions
seriously in order to remain sober and to begin
living a healthier, happier way of life moving forward.
My journey began 26 yrs ago and never did
I find people, places or things soooo hard to
accept or deal with to make me want to return
to my miserable life with alcohol addiction.
For each meeting I attended and here on SR,
for those who went back out to do some control
drinking or using or for whatever reason they
went out and return in to let me and others
know that alcohol or drugs hadn't changed,
that they felt guilty for going back out, that it
was the biggest mistake they could have ever
made, only confirmed to me that being sober
and living a life with a program of recovery as
my guideline is the best solution to remaining
sober each day for myself.
It can be for you as well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Originally Posted by Headstrong1
I did learn in rehab that it's ME that's the problem, not the alcohol..
Originally Posted by Algorithm
They do like to say that, but I wouldn't put much stock in it, personally. You can waste a lot of time trying to fix yourself instead of the drinking, and you'll never manage it, as long as you continue to drink.
Alcohol may not be the only problem in your life, but it is likely the main problem, and it makes other problems worse over time, so for all practical purposes, the alcohol is the problem.
Alcohol may not be the only problem in your life, but it is likely the main problem, and it makes other problems worse over time, so for all practical purposes, the alcohol is the problem.
I did put that cart before the horse myself many times tho, so I think get where you're coming from.
I do still believe I was the problem tho.
I was addicted to a good many things, not just alcohol..I was trying to fill a void with 'stuff' the void was unfillable.
luckily the void wasn't unhealable
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by Opivotal
Adding alcohol to my life on top of my problems was the worst mistake of my life. Drinking left me feeling hopeless, confused and miserable.
The only way for me to sort it all out was to stop drinking all together. Clear my mind and begin to address my life sober.
The only way for me to sort it all out was to stop drinking all together. Clear my mind and begin to address my life sober.
Glad you are here, Headstrong.
ABW1
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 14
Hi Headstrong,
I also blame boredom and loneliness for main motivators for my drinking. It's how I relax at night after a day of work and an evening of mothering. I'm over a bottle a night of wine... every night. Today has been another "day 1" for me.... But you're right, the consequences of this way of "relaxing" are going to show up sooner or later... Best of luck to you.
I also blame boredom and loneliness for main motivators for my drinking. It's how I relax at night after a day of work and an evening of mothering. I'm over a bottle a night of wine... every night. Today has been another "day 1" for me.... But you're right, the consequences of this way of "relaxing" are going to show up sooner or later... Best of luck to you.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Oh Ms Headstrong......you are in a hard place. Stopping is so hard. I fail because I find it really boring.
You have children.....hang on to them, they are gonna grow up very fast. Then they start to look at you differently. It makes it way worse if they start looking at you like the other people in the bar do.
It's hard....but if you are loved by a child, really really grab it. They need you, be there....
You have children.....hang on to them, they are gonna grow up very fast. Then they start to look at you differently. It makes it way worse if they start looking at you like the other people in the bar do.
It's hard....but if you are loved by a child, really really grab it. They need you, be there....
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