MovingForward1

I could be the poster child for reasons NOT to drink again.

Haven't showered in days
Haven't brushed teeth in days
Haven't changed clothes in days
Still went to the store
Not at work
Haven't even really called in, just not there
House a mess
Kitchen is atrocious
Bathroom topic, well, you know
T Shirts all over the place because when I do sleep.. pass out.. I soak them in sweat
Laundry, not done

Dogs are fed

Bobbieka

Are you drinking now?

MovingForward1

Shamefully yes.

I thought I'd deal with withdrawal today but selfishly didn't want to face it. I want to be better but I want to drink. I know they don't go together. I need to be ok for me.. and I'm not.

Jojay

Do you live on your own?Have you any family living near by to support you?You have come to the right place,SR will support you.Keep posting

Bobbieka

MovingForward1 - sounds like it's time to put the brakes on and stop the madness. I'm guessing you want to or you wouldn't be here. Can someone come over and get you to a hospital for detox? Could you get rid of whatever alcohol that you have?

entropy1964

Oh dear Movingforward. I don't know what to say. I've been where you are for sure....but frankly you're stronger than I am. I went to the hospital, multiple times, because I couldn't take it any longer. You keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting something to change.

You know SR will be here for you but only you can help yourself, or ask for help. Why not stop fighting?

MovingForward1

I don't think I'll do the hospital for detox again, in ,my world it's a terrible experience. I don't want to call my x, so that pretty much leaves it up to me. I shouldn't be posting as I have no plan on 'moving forward'. Just misery.

Bobbieka

I think you need to do a few things before you lose your job. Can you send an email or a text?

Then, go brush your teeth.

We'll talk more after you've done that.

daisy1

You have just described the last few months of my life. Apart from sitting in my own vomit and not caring.
I did contact my ex and he took me to a doctor and it went from there. There are worse things than asking for help. I got out of hospital detox yesterday and yes it was hell. But I didn't want to be found dead in the squalor I was living in.
Ask for help, anyone. I was surprised at how many people actually helped me and I thought I was alone.
Much love xx

MovingForward1

I won't lose my job, working remote is more normal than being in the office. I'm scared of withdrawal this time. It's been terrible the last few times and I know I've pushed it too far. As always, thanks for the support.

rubythrill

For me... I had to be locked up for the first 30 days... That gave me a platform to start on... Before that I could not even get started.

On day 94 now.

thomas11

You can only kick the can down the road for so long. Here's to hoping you can enjoy sobriety in the near future.

Dee74

If you're worried about withdrawal MF, see a Dr - take the worry out of it?

D

Outonthetiles

Cowboy up and power through withdrawal.

MovingForward1

I get so sick a few hours in. I went to the store again before it got too bad this morning. Pathetic, I know, I drink to sleep, I drink to hide, I drink to fantasize about a life I don't have.
I live in squalor, disgusting hygiene, who am I kidding?

MovingForward1

Something's got to give, guess it's my thinking.

columbus

"I shouldn't be posting as I have no plan on 'moving forward'. Just misery. "

All the more reason to keep on posting.

(and reading reading reading)

Dee74

Have you though of asking for some real life Help MF - seeing your Dr, or a counsellor - or going to AA, or some other group - is rehab an option?

D.

hodor

I had to quit my drinking because it was ruining my life. I was going insane, hiding it all, working from home and drinking as soon as I woke. I wasn't associating with anyone, hated myself and what I was doing to my wife and kids and couldn't see a way out apart from death.
My suggestion would be to look up your closest meeting on the aa website and go. Hey what's the worst that can happen, you lose an hour and a half out of the life you aren't happy in
I found people who cared, who had the same story as me and were willing to spend their own time and energy helping me understand more about my alcohol problem. It was truly amazing and the best gift I could have been given.
Just take one step at a time and don't overthink it. Every single one of us at one stage has had to take the first step out of the hole we were in.
I wish you all the best!

Algorithm

You are right, they don't go together. Get rid of the supply, or at least don't buy any more once you go through what you have. If you're not going to toss it out, start tapering down at least, so it won't be so bad when you run out.

There will be some pain at first. That's just the way it is. But you can be OK with yourself after you quit drinking. You don't need to wait for that to happen first in order to stop. That is the addiction talking.

Quit first, and then figure out the rest.