Returned
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
Returned
Hi there,
I haven't been back in a while thinking I had this thing beat. Well, I don't. I've had 2 blackouts in the last week only a few days apart. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and although I felt I was doing better, it came and got me again. I have found myself in the middle of the floor flat on my back. Last night I fell, hit my head on the temple, hit my arm which feels badly bruised as does my hip and blacked out on the couch not waking until my husband got up for work! I'm scared and very ashamed of my behavior. I can go weeks without drinking a drop and then I binge drink myself into a blackout. I'm fearful that if this continues I will black out and never wake up and my husband will find me dead on the floor. How awful! Do I try to handle this myself? Do I tell my husband what I've done? I have no idea, I just know it has to stop before something really terrible happens. I am so hung over today that I can barely function at all. What a waste of a day it has been. I am so angry with myself that all I can do is cry.
Can someone tell me what I need to do?
I haven't been back in a while thinking I had this thing beat. Well, I don't. I've had 2 blackouts in the last week only a few days apart. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and although I felt I was doing better, it came and got me again. I have found myself in the middle of the floor flat on my back. Last night I fell, hit my head on the temple, hit my arm which feels badly bruised as does my hip and blacked out on the couch not waking until my husband got up for work! I'm scared and very ashamed of my behavior. I can go weeks without drinking a drop and then I binge drink myself into a blackout. I'm fearful that if this continues I will black out and never wake up and my husband will find me dead on the floor. How awful! Do I try to handle this myself? Do I tell my husband what I've done? I have no idea, I just know it has to stop before something really terrible happens. I am so hung over today that I can barely function at all. What a waste of a day it has been. I am so angry with myself that all I can do is cry.
Can someone tell me what I need to do?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you made it back.
I'd suggest stopping drinking and getting a plan of recovery together. It might help your husband to support you if he is given the chance to understand your reasons for stopping as well.
Dee's thread about making a plan is a good un. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
I'd suggest stopping drinking and getting a plan of recovery together. It might help your husband to support you if he is given the chance to understand your reasons for stopping as well.
Dee's thread about making a plan is a good un. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome back. This is a link with lots of suggestions for how to get started:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 193
yesterday I was so hungover I couldn't do anything.....never really sick, just can't do anything but lay in bed.....you're not alone. I'm in no position to give advice either, but can totally relate to you. I'm exactly like that. I think being open about it is important...definitely talk to your husband about wanting to change....doesn't have to be a big dramatic conversation...just that you're gonna lay off the sauce and be healthier...but coming to a place like this and being totally honest about it helps a lot. It's therapeutic to just type it all out and let it all be out there....it start to peel the first layer of shame away because in the end....we're all only human and couldn't possibly be perfect.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I hear that , lol, in some areas of my 'me-ness' I'm a hot mess. But the only thing that says we can't be perfectly sober is a lie.
Me not drinking has a much better , if only, chance at cooling down some of the hot spots.
The leverage that the AV gets from constantly pointing out that you have consumed alcohol in the past ( even the recent past like yesterday) and therefore more apt to do so in the future( like today), is easily dissipated by deciding to never pick up a drink again. That idea is scary and impossible sounding only to the AV, the real you the rational you knows it is possible, separate from the AV and it's fear and doubt and believe you can make that choice, because you absolutely can. Believe it.
Me not drinking has a much better , if only, chance at cooling down some of the hot spots.
The leverage that the AV gets from constantly pointing out that you have consumed alcohol in the past ( even the recent past like yesterday) and therefore more apt to do so in the future( like today), is easily dissipated by deciding to never pick up a drink again. That idea is scary and impossible sounding only to the AV, the real you the rational you knows it is possible, separate from the AV and it's fear and doubt and believe you can make that choice, because you absolutely can. Believe it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I was thinking about falling while drunk today. I have a friend that has a TBI as a result of a fall while blackout drunk. He will never be the same. I have fallen as well....nothing serious but it has happened. For me, its part of being a late stage alcoholic and it can be deadly. Truly. People talk about liver damage etc, which of course is a huge issue. But falls can be catastrophic.
Do you tell your husband? My guess he already knows. Please get serious about recovery before you really hurt yourself.
Do you tell your husband? My guess he already knows. Please get serious about recovery before you really hurt yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome back! The two links posted above are great ones. As someone else mentioned, your husband probably already knows. Talk to him when you are ready. For today, focus on not drinking today.
Spend some time reading and posting on here. Two great links are the 24 hour thread, and the January 2017 class.
You can do this!
Spend some time reading and posting on here. Two great links are the 24 hour thread, and the January 2017 class.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 193
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
I was thinking about falling while drunk today. I have a friend that has a TBI as a result of a fall while blackout drunk. He will never be the same. I have fallen as well....nothing serious but it has happened. For me, its part of being a late stage alcoholic and it can be deadly. Truly. People talk about liver damage etc, which of course is a huge issue. But falls can be catastrophic.
Do you tell your husband? My guess he already knows. Please get serious about recovery before you really hurt yourself.
Do you tell your husband? My guess he already knows. Please get serious about recovery before you really hurt yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
I have not told my husband yet. He was giving me the silent tx after a huge fight we had the night of my blackout. I think he sensed that I might be in trouble and encouraged me to go to bed when he did. I declined. Boy, hind sight is 20/20. The fight spurred something on. I was backed into a corner and said some really ugly things to him. He didn't deserve it. I have been feeling trapped and unhappy for a while, not with him, but with life in general. I need to make this change before its too late.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Ellie
I hope you're doing a little better.
So, for me, denial is a huge road block to recovery. I have to accept and face that I can never drink again. I do that one day at a time....but I still have to accept that alcohol has me completely beat. It isn't a solution to anything anymore. It no longer works and I have to develop new coping strategies. Period.
What is it you're going to tell your husband? I'm not trying to pry, I just don't understand. Do you think you're hiding something? My guess is he knows you're drinking, he knows you are out of control. Maybe an amends is in order. Frankly it sounds like you need to get honest with yourself. Tell yourself what you've been doing. Your actions will speak volumes to your husband.
Hang in there.
I hope you're doing a little better.
So, for me, denial is a huge road block to recovery. I have to accept and face that I can never drink again. I do that one day at a time....but I still have to accept that alcohol has me completely beat. It isn't a solution to anything anymore. It no longer works and I have to develop new coping strategies. Period.
What is it you're going to tell your husband? I'm not trying to pry, I just don't understand. Do you think you're hiding something? My guess is he knows you're drinking, he knows you are out of control. Maybe an amends is in order. Frankly it sounds like you need to get honest with yourself. Tell yourself what you've been doing. Your actions will speak volumes to your husband.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 193
Everything will keep getting better, Elliemae, as long as we don't make it worse, right?? I was just rereading the original post....as you read, I know all too well how embarrassing and shameful the falls can be.....one of mine happened at a freaking Christmas party!!! ....once I was back in my room ( thank God), but among my injuries that night, someone totaled their car ON THE PROPERTY, DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE PARTY....a couple others got in a huge physical fight....and someone got fired LOL i'm sorry to laugh, but when you say it all out loud, it's like....ummm.....were we auditioning for a role in Hangover2 at the time???
So all that being said.....that was a whole group of people who probably have a drinking problem.....and if they don't, they certainly did that night!!....and there's millions more who have suffered falls, embarrassment, shame....so don't beat yourself up anymore (physically or mentally)....
When you're in the middle of the guilt and depression from it, it's hard to see that you're not alone, you're actually one of many going through the EXACT same stupid stuff....
the fights with the significant other.....::::eyes rolling:::: been there..... my husband quit drinking a few years ago.....he's occasionally had a drink with me or more, but hates it now.....we used to fight SO bad when we both drank....and then I became the monster when he quit drinking and I didn't....I've done and said the most wretched things to boyfriends and my husband in the past from alcohol....I heard this once and it made me laugh "things that would have made hitler cry" lol......
definitely be open and honest, you'll feel a huge relief from just removing the emotion, stating the facts, and trying to view it from above. If you apologize and explain you don't want to drink anymore because you don't want to be someone you're not, that goes a long long way. He loves you and I'm sure will be relieved to know you're ready to make a change.
Keep coming back; I really can relate to you A LOT....hit me up, anytime!
So all that being said.....that was a whole group of people who probably have a drinking problem.....and if they don't, they certainly did that night!!....and there's millions more who have suffered falls, embarrassment, shame....so don't beat yourself up anymore (physically or mentally)....
When you're in the middle of the guilt and depression from it, it's hard to see that you're not alone, you're actually one of many going through the EXACT same stupid stuff....
the fights with the significant other.....::::eyes rolling:::: been there..... my husband quit drinking a few years ago.....he's occasionally had a drink with me or more, but hates it now.....we used to fight SO bad when we both drank....and then I became the monster when he quit drinking and I didn't....I've done and said the most wretched things to boyfriends and my husband in the past from alcohol....I heard this once and it made me laugh "things that would have made hitler cry" lol......
definitely be open and honest, you'll feel a huge relief from just removing the emotion, stating the facts, and trying to view it from above. If you apologize and explain you don't want to drink anymore because you don't want to be someone you're not, that goes a long long way. He loves you and I'm sure will be relieved to know you're ready to make a change.
Keep coming back; I really can relate to you A LOT....hit me up, anytime!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome back elliemae 
I think your priority needs to be staying sober right now, - whether you tell your husband or not is up to you.
I had a lot of falls - I ended up having a series of mini strokes arising from a combination of falls and detox.
I'm doing ok now but that's something I don't wish on any one else.
This is serious stuff - have you considered face to face support as well like AA or one of the other recovery groups?
D
I think your priority needs to be staying sober right now, - whether you tell your husband or not is up to you.
I had a lot of falls - I ended up having a series of mini strokes arising from a combination of falls and detox.
I'm doing ok now but that's something I don't wish on any one else.
This is serious stuff - have you considered face to face support as well like AA or one of the other recovery groups?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
Hi t here to all,
Thanks for your support. Today is a better day for sure...Day 3. In the past, my husband has been aware of binge episodes. I do not think he was aware that it's been happening again, let alone twice in 1 week. I wanted to tell him about it, but haven't found my confidence to do it yet. For various reasons, one is that we will be away from each other for a couple of weeks, and I don't want him worrying about me during this time. I did tell him yesterday that I think I may have to go on anti-depressants, and unfortunately I can't get in to see my Dr. before I leave on Sat. ;(. The other reason is that Im scared because we have been through this a few times and he gets mad and upset with me. Which he can't help, or understand why I do this any better than I can. But, that isn't what I need either. I have thought about going to an AA meeting by myself and plan to start that while I am at my 2nd home. I have never been to one seriously, and I have only been to one once years ago after a situation like this one, t hat my husband did know about. Since Im leaving for an extended time, the timing is just messed up. I am determined to get a handle on this!
Thanks for your support. Today is a better day for sure...Day 3. In the past, my husband has been aware of binge episodes. I do not think he was aware that it's been happening again, let alone twice in 1 week. I wanted to tell him about it, but haven't found my confidence to do it yet. For various reasons, one is that we will be away from each other for a couple of weeks, and I don't want him worrying about me during this time. I did tell him yesterday that I think I may have to go on anti-depressants, and unfortunately I can't get in to see my Dr. before I leave on Sat. ;(. The other reason is that Im scared because we have been through this a few times and he gets mad and upset with me. Which he can't help, or understand why I do this any better than I can. But, that isn't what I need either. I have thought about going to an AA meeting by myself and plan to start that while I am at my 2nd home. I have never been to one seriously, and I have only been to one once years ago after a situation like this one, t hat my husband did know about. Since Im leaving for an extended time, the timing is just messed up. I am determined to get a handle on this!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
[QUOTE=Berrybean;6293331]Glad you made it back.
I'd suggest stopping drinking and getting a plan of recovery together. It might help your husband to support you if he is given the chance to understand your reasons for stopping as well.
Dee's thread about making a plan is a good un. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html[/QUOT
Ditto, ditto, ditto. Now is a perfect time to quit.
I'd suggest stopping drinking and getting a plan of recovery together. It might help your husband to support you if he is given the chance to understand your reasons for stopping as well.
Dee's thread about making a plan is a good un. .. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html[/QUOT
Ditto, ditto, ditto. Now is a perfect time to quit.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 193
Glad today is a better day. It's so difficult to struggle with something and not have the understanding from your husband. It's bad enough to deal with the binge thing and everything that comes with it, but then to have someone mad at you on top of it is just overwhelming. Timing is always perfectly imperfect in life too....doesn't help. Take the time to do some soul searching and definitely stay sober and clear your head.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
For various reasons, one is that we will be away from each other for a couple of weeks, and I don't want him worrying about me during this time.
leave my wife for a couple weeks knowing she binge drinks and i could come home to find her dead.
or
leave my wife for a couple weeks knowing shes doing something about it.
which one would be more worrysome?
recovery can start anywhere,anytime.the timing isnt messed up, you are
but there is a solution
leave my wife for a couple weeks knowing she binge drinks and i could come home to find her dead.
or
leave my wife for a couple weeks knowing shes doing something about it.
which one would be more worrysome?
recovery can start anywhere,anytime.the timing isnt messed up, you are
but there is a solution
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 60
I'm going to use the time to reflect and work on myself and not drinking anymore tomsteve. I am looking at this positively, but I understand what you are saying too. He hasn't been aware of this recent behavior but it has come to a halt. Timing is messed up and one of the things that has spurred this on is the one reason I am spending time alone which is to sell our 2nd home which will affect my mom and my brother because I fear they will be very hurt. I am selling for various reasons, mostly to do with the dram that surrounds my mom and brother! ��
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
