Lunch Today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Lunch Today
Hi,
Had a nice lunch today with my AH'S cousin and aunt. We keep in touch.
They told me my STBXAH, is seeing someone else. A girl he used to date when he was around 20.
My AH, before I left the house, threw it up in my face that he should of married this lady he's now seeing instead of me!!
My thoughts, he was cheating on me for awhile. My AH sister always kept in close touch with this girl!
Funny how things play out! His sister is paying all his bills! I'm out of the picture, and my AH is seeing a woman that his sister approves of.
How come it bothers me so much??
I wouldn't think of starting a new relationship, first until this is done, and I'm too broken now to be in any kind of relationship!!
It just hurts that he can move on so quickly after a 13 year marriage!!
Z
Had a nice lunch today with my AH'S cousin and aunt. We keep in touch.
They told me my STBXAH, is seeing someone else. A girl he used to date when he was around 20.
My AH, before I left the house, threw it up in my face that he should of married this lady he's now seeing instead of me!!
My thoughts, he was cheating on me for awhile. My AH sister always kept in close touch with this girl!
Funny how things play out! His sister is paying all his bills! I'm out of the picture, and my AH is seeing a woman that his sister approves of.
How come it bothers me so much??
I wouldn't think of starting a new relationship, first until this is done, and I'm too broken now to be in any kind of relationship!!
It just hurts that he can move on so quickly after a 13 year marriage!!
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Aw, Z, he moved on WAY before this--he's been having an affair with his bottle for a long time.
Let her keep him busy. Wisconsin recently received the gift of a cooperative STBXH (previously dragging his feet on the divorce proceedings), courtesy of HIS new g/f. Suddenly he was ready to move on.
Isn't that what YOU want? Wouldn't it be nice if he stopped being a jerk and started cooperating--even if it was out of his own self-interest?
Let her keep him busy. Wisconsin recently received the gift of a cooperative STBXH (previously dragging his feet on the divorce proceedings), courtesy of HIS new g/f. Suddenly he was ready to move on.
Isn't that what YOU want? Wouldn't it be nice if he stopped being a jerk and started cooperating--even if it was out of his own self-interest?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 122
I understand that it hurts and it will take a while (is taking lot longer than I thought it would) To get over this. Even though I'm the one who left, my ex A found a replacement within 2-3 months and we had been married 32 years. He too is with a gf from his past and I believe his family is thrilled that I'm no longer in the picture. It's a whole new heartache to see how quickly they can move on.
I know you and I are both better off but it still burns.
I know you and I are both better off but it still burns.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,983
Originally Posted by rae145 
I understand that it hurts and it will take a while (is taking lot longer than I thought it would) To get over this. Even though I'm the one who left, my ex A found a replacement within 2-3 months and we had been married 32 years. He too is with a gf from his past and I believe his family is thrilled that I'm no longer in the picture. It's a whole new heartache to see how quickly they can move on.
I know you and I are both better off but it still burns.
I know you and I are both better off but it still burns.
In the long run it may even be a good thing but wow does is it hurt.
I don't date but when I was young, I had a period of thinking that if men wanted to meet the love of their lives they should date me. It seemed like so many met "the one" within weeks of breaking up with me.
Keep hanging with us Zircon and here is a big E-hug!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
My exah met a woman in rehab who he got off with. I wasn't surprised cos he was checked out of our marriage well before we actually parted ways so him finding someone else less than a year later wasn't a shock. He's never got the concept of working on himself or being alone to deal with his issues. I found it hard listening to him telling me how much nicer, better looking and more chilled than me she was but he was more amenable for a while which helped my boys. However she went on to be in full recovery and he didn't so she split up with him and he is now on his own. He actually asked me a few months ago if I would put in a "good word" for him with my bestie who is a single mum. Er no....just no was the response he got. He's delusional.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I'm sure this is painful but broken up is broken up. You can't use your moral feelings about this situation, that you are not legally divorced, and in some way apply them to him. You wouldn't, so how can he? Well.........its a matter of paperwork is all. You have been split a long time. Some people just cannot be alone.
My now Ex (as of Saturday) told me he would have me replaced in a week. I almost did a back hand spring in front of him when he said that. Good for ME, Feel sorry for the gal though.
My now Ex (as of Saturday) told me he would have me replaced in a week. I almost did a back hand spring in front of him when he said that. Good for ME, Feel sorry for the gal though.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
No matter how broken the relationship, finding out they're seeing someone can be a shock and hard to take. It might be because you still think you're the one he should be with, or some lingering hope that he might see sense.
Ride with it Zircon. You know she's not the luckiest girl and may soon regret getting tangled in that strange brother/sister dynamic. The first shock is the worst, but you're resilient and once you've had a little while to think things over, you'll realise you're where you should be.
Ride with it Zircon. You know she's not the luckiest girl and may soon regret getting tangled in that strange brother/sister dynamic. The first shock is the worst, but you're resilient and once you've had a little while to think things over, you'll realise you're where you should be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
It just hurts that he can move on so quickly after a 13 year marriage!!
i don't think he ever thought of the "marriage" as you did. he checked out on you a LONG time ago. he's a mean nasty snake and good riddance
i don't think he ever thought of the "marriage" as you did. he checked out on you a LONG time ago. he's a mean nasty snake and good riddance
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I know it hurts, believe me. My first husband had an affair and divorced me years ago. The affair was bad enough...then I learned a few years after the divorce that he was marrying a woman 15 years younger than I. I did not love him anymore "in that way", but it still hurt. I think that's only natural.
Frankly, in one of my ex's bizzare accusations during the whole, nasty break-up, he said "No one will ever love you the way I do."
Now all I can say is "Thank God!"
Frankly, in one of my ex's bizzare accusations during the whole, nasty break-up, he said "No one will ever love you the way I do."
Now all I can say is "Thank God!"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Yikes.
It is crazy how similar stories are. I made it 100% clear to XAH that all communication needs to be limited to DS questions. He keeps trying to cross my boundaries - I have been moderately successful with medium chill techniques.
As for ex mother in law - we keep in touch, I did have to let her know that I am not interested to hearing about her son, as long as he passes his drug tests and pays child support - he is alright in my book. It takes reminders and repitition - but we generally keep XAH out of our conversations
It is crazy how similar stories are. I made it 100% clear to XAH that all communication needs to be limited to DS questions. He keeps trying to cross my boundaries - I have been moderately successful with medium chill techniques.
As for ex mother in law - we keep in touch, I did have to let her know that I am not interested to hearing about her son, as long as he passes his drug tests and pays child support - he is alright in my book. It takes reminders and repitition - but we generally keep XAH out of our conversations
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
After 18 years of marriage, my XAH remarried 6 days after our divorce was final---and my divorce was 2 months start to finish.
It shocked me at the time, shocked our kids, and was very painful (mostly because of all the lies and the knowledge that he placed so much less value on our marriage than I had)...but I can tell you that it was the last pain he was able to inflict on me directly.
I still hurt sometimes for how he mistreats our children. But something in me switched off when that happened...and made moving forward and cutting him off emotionally (inside my own head) so much simpler.
It sucks. Use it to heal and grow and know that nothing he does has ANYTHING to do with who you are and the kind of partner you can be. It's only about him and his shortcomings.
Sending you hugs.
It shocked me at the time, shocked our kids, and was very painful (mostly because of all the lies and the knowledge that he placed so much less value on our marriage than I had)...but I can tell you that it was the last pain he was able to inflict on me directly.
I still hurt sometimes for how he mistreats our children. But something in me switched off when that happened...and made moving forward and cutting him off emotionally (inside my own head) so much simpler.
It sucks. Use it to heal and grow and know that nothing he does has ANYTHING to do with who you are and the kind of partner you can be. It's only about him and his shortcomings.
Sending you hugs.
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