ABetterWay1

Today is Day 15.

In addition to hearing some harsh feedback this past week about my work and personal interactions that were colored by addiction, I'm also finding bits of physical evidence around my house. I've come across countless receipts for pints of liquor; bottles I hid and forgot about; and sticky cups and cans in the recycling and trash from last month that make me gag from just a quick accidental whiff of the residual contents. (I was so physically ill toward the end of my drinking that the mere smell of booze would cause dry heaves.)

Accountability really sucks but I can't avoid it if I am to move forward with my life.

Are any newbies out there still finding pieces of the old drinking life? How is it affecting you/how are you handling it?

ABW1

Maudcat

I found bottles stashed around that I had forgotten about. I just recycled them and moved on. Peace.

entropy1964

Even at 5 months there is evidence of my last drinking bender. Not so much in the form of bottles, receipts but in other things. My daughter might mention something that happened around or during that on and off bender....a conversation that I'm not really recalling. It won't have anything to do with my drinking exactly...but it pains me because I don't have a crisp recollection....its vague. I dunno. Just 'stuff' like that.

I have a letter that I wrote myself 5 months ago in treatment. The facility mailed it to me. I have yet to open it.....I know what it says. Its almost like I'm saving for that truly rainy day.

Anyway, you're not alone. I relate.

Anna

Yes, I always hid my drinking, as much as possible. So, in the first few weeks, I found bits and pieces throughout the house. Sometimes it would feel overwhelming because, as you said, you really have to face what you've done and where you are. But, you don't ever have to go through this again.

Water441

When I stopped hiding it I knew I was really ready to quit. My SO came home from work and I'd puked in the bed (again) and there was a 26 of vodka on the bedside table. But yes I'm still finding receipts, bottles, etc.

I'm also find mental clarity, the ability to remember things like a sequence of numbers or a last name much more easily (brain damage is real!), the ability to relax, the ability to be present and not relentless abuse myself with painful memories I can't change or fear of what's to come.

madgirl

Interesting - my H and I always drank together. I quit (ten months today!) and I get a bit freaked out when I run across weird drinking things like I found a bag with an empty six pack and empty rum bottles - in the garage - which meant he drank them in his car. Gave me instant ptsd - ugh

cyclicalwand

I found empty cans stashed up under the bed and in the airing cupboard. Also cupboard under the sink, garage and shed. The ones in the airing cupboard were bad as it reminded me of lying to my wife when she found some in there when I was still drinking and I said that it was from when I had reshelved the cupboard one Saturday months earlier and had forgot to throw them away. Don't know why I stashed more empties there after that but my drunken brain must of thought it was a good idea.

DontRemember

I never hid anything and would drink what and how much I wanted,whenever I wanted..God what a freaking jerk I am/was. Really dreading that make amends step when I get to it! That's going to be VERY long list!

BrickbyBrick83

I'm pretty sure all of my bottles have gone, which is a relief. Hubby was very good about clearing out the hidden ones, and not saying a word (not sure if that was a good or bad move, but he just wasn't sure how to talk to me about it).

I did find a lovely, expensive skirt stuffed at the back of my wardrobe that I have a very vague memory of destroying! I couldn't get the zip down to go to bed, so I literally grabbed some scissors and CUT it off! Gah. Bit gutted, as it is/was a very nice skirt. Stoopid drunk brain.

Dee74

6 months after I quit I was still finding bottle caps...it took me nearly that long to get rid of the backlog of bottles 4 - 5 a week in the shared recycle bin.

D

mcflurry

Friends (not good ones lol) sometimes remind me.. 'oh do you remember that night when you were really really drunk and did this.......'
By the time I got to the stage I was going to do stupid stuff I was well past the point of being able to remember anything about the night in question. So one year down the line I'm still finding out new things I did while pissed that I'd rather forget about!