DontRemember

Well I guess I knew this was coming but, I had to end things with my girlfriend over her constant blackout drunk bs. Her final words to me,as I was walking out were "you're an alcoholic and those meetings aren't helping you".. I was sober and just pointed to a mirror as I left. Obviously I'm a bit sad but, it's not a healthy relationship and hasn't been for a few years. I blame this on both of our drinking. Ironically I was at a meeting yesterday and found a sponsor to take me through the steps while she was getting smashed and losing her bill money. Just whining a bit. Hope you're all doing well!

Berrybean

Glad you've found a sponsor. In my opinion it really isnt any exaggeration to say that the steps really did save my soul and change my life - and things still continue to change for the better in the most unexpected ways for me while I continue to apply what I've learnt to my life and relationships.

I'd suggest praying for your ex.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Michael66

Sorry to hear about the breakup. It sounds like she is still heavily caught up in alcohol. But we've all been there haven't we. It seems none of us can quit before we want it, and are ready for it, ourselves. Don't be too hard on her - she has the same struggle we all do here. I know I can fall back that way.

But well done on getting a sponsor. Sounds like you are making really good progress.

DontRemember

I was just glad that I was 'arguing' sober. I tried to get her to calm down but, we all know how it is to be in blackout mode. She also caused a scene on my birthday, where I just left her at the bar and gave her a free uber. Instead of using the uber she crashed into her garage,called the next day apologized and then does it again two days later. I will pray for her,thanks for that reminder.

Doug39

My wife and I met in a bar in 1994 - we were both drunk. We then spent the next 22 years drinking together everyday.

I quit drinking 82 days ago - she still drinks heavily everyday.

This morning she went out to buy vodka, I went to an AA meeting.

Things aren't going well - hard to say what the future holds.

One Day at a Time.

DontRemember

First..congrats on your days! That's great! I also met, my now,ex at a bar(kinda set up by friends)..we've been on/off for the better part of 14yrs,raised each others kids to young adults,ect..but, our relationship revolved around bars! It was basically every day after work and all day on weekends. I really wish that her and I both got ourselves "in check" years ago. I almost just said that she's a lovely lady,when sober but,that's not true. I think it took me wanting to get myself together to see what the booze/drugs were masking all those years. My eyes are open now.

Dee74

sorry about the breakup but its great you're commited to recovery

D

Doug39

Thanks.

My wife is a really good person; but she just has an addiction.

She knows she drinks too much but she has herself fooled into thinking she needs alcohol to relax and cope with life.

I fooled myself with those thoughts for over 27 years - well I knew maybe 10 to 15 years ago I had a problem but my alcoholic voice always won.

teaorcoffee

Sounds like you put structure in your life just when you need it.

D122y

Dont,

I vividly remember my drinking days.

I was very physically addicted. If I didn't drink heavy at least 1 time a week, I went into withdrawals.

I blamed it on work.

Until your gf decides to quit, she is going to drink. She is heavily addicted.

If you love her, stay w her. When she starts to black out..getting violent....get away before it escalates. That is a beauty of being sober. You can go anywhere.

When she comes out of it....in the morning. .. come back. As long as you are nice to her...don't call her names etc...she will feel bad about what she recalls she did...

That is what my wife did w me for years.

When your gf is ready to quit, she will.

Seeing my wife and son go through life sober, helped me quit. It showed me how to fill the time sober.

Thanks.

PhoenixJ

Prayers to you and you ExGF.

Solarion

My sympathies, and it sounds like you are choosing a better life for yourself!

BTW, good luck dealing with the likely pleas to get back together, promises that it won't happen again, that she will get sober herself, etc. I'd be very skeptical of that. Lots of people in the Friends and Family forum probably would, too.

Everyone deserves better than to go through life with a drunken albatross hanging around their neck.

bexxed

As the child of alcoholics, I gotta say I think that this is good for one person: the drinker. It's not good for the sober person. No person needs to be living a life where they need to turn the other cheek on a daily basis and be prepared to leave their home on an alcoholic's whim, so they can avoid the blackout. Also, it's not a good idea to leave your house and leave someone blacked out. They have a very good chance of burning the place down. We show love by the capacity we have to love and care for ourselves. <3

B

Hawkeye13

I agree with bexxed--I would also add that I managed to fall down a long stairway blackout drunk when my husband was gone, and by some grace avoided breaking my neck.

He had to deal with me when he got back.

Take care of you, and that may include mean leaving the relationship if she wants
to keep drinking that hard. You don't have to be her keeper or her emotional punching bag.

It's her choice to drink or not, but it's also your choice for what kind of life you want now.

Ustacallmelola

That stinks. If my husband drank, we would have a serious problem. My ex husband was a big drinker(not the reason we split), but I know if I was with him I(we) would never get sober. He is now with a woman who does not drink and lives a healthy lifestyle. He looks better than he has in years. I know that back in the 90's when I got clean from drugs, I walked away from my best friend and my entire social circle. I was alone. I went to NA and it saved me honestly. It gave me a clean social life and new friends. I was very active in the program back then. Depend on that for now if you need to.

DontRemember

There's no going back for me unless she gets help and then I feel it's still too late, as the trust is/has been gone for a while. I was having my morning cig, watching the sunrise this morning,thinking about her,probably still passed out from a Sat night out on the town,while I sat home watching a movie and the thought: what if the neighbors called the cops(where I live when called one party goes to jail)..Had that happened I'd be doing 6months inside! No physical contact was made,except her yelling in my face waving her finger, that touched me a couple times. That's when I started videoing just incase it escalated. I would never lay my hands on someone I love even when drunk. Just the thought that some stupid one sided argument could get me 6 months in jail(still on a stay out of trouble order for my dui) was a 'whoa!' moment for me.

Still a bit bummed but, will go to a meeting tonight and tomorrow. Luckily, by going to meetings I understand that I'm not responsible for another persons happiness and It's her life to do she pleases.