paulysangles

I've been doing good since New Year eve (3 drinks on separate nights) but this is one of these days that I'm a combo of angry and depressed.

Do you ever get like that - that you just want to drink all you can to escape and don't care if it hurts you?

doggonecarl

That describes my addiction, not my recovery.

Sobriety for me meant that no matter how much I wanted to drink, and no matter how little I care about the harm it would cause, I still didn't drink.

I don't drink. It's a line I can't cross. Won't cross.

I hope you can draw your line and stay on the sober side.

MLD51

Yes, I felt that way at times when I was still drinking. I called it "pressing the **** it button." But once I got sober, I learned different ways of dealing with the emotions. Because it was clear to me that drinking at emotions never made them go away or get better - the opposite, actually. Is it your plan to stop drinking altogether? Or is moderation what you are after? Moderation never worked for me, and I think a lot of other people here would say the same thing.

least

I want to be sober more than I could ever want to drink. It's just not an option anymore.

Anna

It's time to come up with some healthy ways to deal with anger and other negative emotions. When you stop drinking completely, you will be able to find healthy ways to get through these things and you might find that your depression begins to lift.

paulysangles

Thanks that gives me some ideas to work with. Something to take my mind off everything when I get home (besides booze) will help

Dee74

It's funny - I didn't care if drinking hurt me but I drank buckets to get away from my fear of emotional pain.

drinking never helped one bit Pauly - I think deep down you know that too.

My fear of facing life and uncomfortable feelings was much greater thn the reality of being sober.

It was hard for a while, but certainly no harder than drinking all day while trying to juggle the other aspects of my life. I leant on the support I had here too

It got easier pretty quickly too and I found I was more capable of dealing with reality than i ever knew. I just needed to give myself the chance,

D

site1Q84

Hi Pauly!

I think most of us have probably felt exactly like that on more than one occasion.

If you're here it makes me think you're interested in quitting for good?
It can be a rough road, but it's so worth it in the end.

If you're going to stick around I recommend the weekender post to keep your mind off of drinking these first few days:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-15-jan.html

Doug39

For several years I didn't care if the booze killed me. I just gave up. All I cared about was keeping my job so I could buy booze.

I felt it was my destiny to die an alcoholic.

But things turned too dark and I was crippled by panic, anxiety and depression - it was then I knew it was either clean up and live or drink 24/7 till I died.

Luckily, 80 days ago, I decided to clean up.

bluedog97

Ive felt that way Doug. Like I should just keep drinking till I die. There's got to be a better way. Good job on 80 days. Ive got a long way to go.

Trees39

I feel like this often and want to press the self destruct button.
I usually end up a bubbling mess and then the panic attacks hit.
Nope. That's not what I want

Tea, cat, tv remote, dog walk. Breathe in breathe out.
Repeat.

Dee74

hows it going Pauly?

D

Angie247

I've been there very recently but alcohol will only add to our problems. What I'm working on is trying to find a hobby. I've even looked up "hobby" on Wikipedia browsing trying to find one that I want to try. I know I might not like the first thing I try but it might be fun discovering what I really want to do.

DeathBox

I'm having one of those days as well.

Sometimes it helps to know that alcohol would only put those chemical imbalances back into motion, aside from the temporary relief. Then you have to start that vicious cycle all over again, and it's just never worth it.

Berrybean

I had to work hard in recovery on my Alcoholic Thinking - learning new and better ways to (inwardly) deal with life on life's terms. And life on life's terms can mean major tragedies, boredom, jealousy, celebrating, social events, and on and on.

Now, on the outside (to others) my life might not look any different to how it did before I did that recovery work. Same partner. Same job. Same outgoings. Same family. BUT, how I think about all those things is very different. It's an ongoing process as I do still notice my old thinking sneaking in at times, but I've learned what to do about it now. Recovery is very much an inside job. For me, a lot of it is about perspective, and arresting that old malady that caused me to feel so restless, irritated and discontent.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB