Silver11

Can't sleep. So much anxiety about today. Today is my day 7 and a Friday. This is the day I usually mess up. I have this psychological thing about the weekend.

My last binge was on Friday the 6th Jan. Saturday I was a bit hungover and Sunday I was fine. Monday to Thursday there were some pretty bad cravings but managed because I had deadlines at work as usual.

Now Friday's here. I've been determined not to drink today. But it seems the more determined I am.. the more... cognitive dissonance I'm going through about today and it's amount up my anxiety and now I can't sleep lol. I've been reading 'this naked mind' and it's helped.

Buts it's almost as if my 'other me' sees how serious I am this time at it's bringing out the big guns to ensure I drink today - massive anxiety. It must be a psychological thing. I was fine until today. And like clockwork Friday fills me with dread.

Will stay close to SR as soon as I get home tonight. Hopefully will find some one on chat.

Thanks

Michael66

I find listening to recovery podcasts and AA talks useful for getting over the tougher hours. Just about to put on one myself :-)

Stick with us Drash.

entropy1964

I know my mind is a very impressionable thing. Pretty much I am my thoughts. If I gear up for something, think ahead, plan what my reaction will be to something that hasn't even happened? It happens...just like clock work.

So I have to reign myself in. ACCEPT that I will not drink. Surrender to the fact that alcohol will only make everything worse. Period. I can and will deal with today sober.

Rather than plan to relapse, why not plan to stay sober? Make a plan. Go to an AA meeting, the gym. Plan some good take away and netflix. Meet up with a non drinking friend. Go to a movie. Anything. Just don't plan to drink. If you do, you will. Kinda how that works.

Hevyn

Very good idea to post about it, Drash. You won't be caught off guard. Let us know how it's going.

doggonecarl

Weekend "fails" don't have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stay strong.

thomas11

Good for you on posting before you do anything. Try and relax, when you don't drink tonight, nothing bad is going to happen, in fact I'm guessing Saturday morning you will realize it was pretty awesome. This is a test.....pass the test.

Delilah1

Glad you came here and posted. Is there anything you can do tonight to keep busy? I found that planning alternate activities helped in the early days.

PhoenixJ

Anna

I experienced the same thing. When I decided to not drink again, no matter what, my mind took it is a direct challenge. The disease of alcoholism does not like to lose, so this is a good indication that you are on the right track. Get through this weekend and you will feel empowered.

heartcore

Friday & Saturday are just nights, like any others. We have invested them with special meaning as alcoholics and addicts, because if we had a traditional work schedule, these were the nights we could party & survive the next morning without the weight of managing work.
In sobriety, I still get restless as the end of the work week looms. I try to remind myself that I am actually tired, & that nurturing myself on Friday night is a way better way to care for my exhaustion. I stay in on Fridays - Epsom salt bath, a good book, yummy food...I try to schedule up my Saturday daytime so I have stuff to look forward to, even if it is just the intention to go to the dog park in the morning, get a burrito for lunch, and go to the library. When you quit drinking, the weekend can be a long staycation, rather than the party/recover cycle that leads you to face a Monday morning tired, disappointed, & nauseous.
Thrive, rather than survive!
Let yourself truly enjoy a weekend without alcohol - you deserve it!

Dee74

Hi Drash
I believe that you can stay sober today

I never let a friday go by without drinking...never...and then I did...and each time I did I grew a little stronger.

It may not be pleasant at all times today - but I guarantee it will be worth it to wake up Saturday morning sober.

The only thing better is waking up on Monday morning sober knowing you have your first sober weekend down, done and dusted

you can do this

D

Silver11

Thank you all for the support. Much needed and appreciated. I realize that the more importance I give to Friday, the more powerful it will be. I need to stop fighting the urge, and just let it be.

Will enjoy a quiet evening at home with my 6 year old son making an 'Angry Birds' lego set!

Peace

wpainterw

drash11: Sounds like the AV is taking advantage of past conditioning. Pavlov's Dog. That's very powerful in early recovery. Once when I came back from taking my wife to the airport when she travelled out of town I had not yet taken a drop to drink but I felt as if I had just consumed three martini's. High as a kite. Very scary. The AV saying "It's party time!"

W.