Eauchiche

I probably always have been. The difference now, is I don't keep them in my life nearly as long as I used to.

I would welcome input from you folks. I have a couple of questions:

1. Is there a specific personality type that Narcissists are attracted to, or do they non-specifically put vibes out to everybody?

2. What do I do to "change my polarity" so they are repelled from instead of attracted to me?

Many thanks!
have a good day

dandylion

Eauchiche......take a look at this website:
http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/04/23...ist-chooses-us

Does this help, a bit........?

atalose

Like bullies predators have an uncanny ability to detect wound or weakness. We have to be in a healthy place in our lives not desperate for attention/friendship. We need to be patient and take our time in getting to know someone new before fully inviting them into our lives. We need to know and understand all the red flags and clearly see them as such and not make excuses for them.

If they seem to perfect – they are!

Sunshine1234

Great article Dandy! I think I fall into that category as well.

Eauchiche

Thanks so much,. Dandy!!! Very helpful.

NYCDoglvr

Keep your antennae up for red flags and walk quickly away.

olow

Euchiche, they can pick an empath out quicker than you can pick them out. I try to remember that if I am hopelessly enchanted by someone then they are toxic to me. Now to not make that mistake again.

Cyranoak

...I think you are attracted to narcissists, and that is where you might consider doing work. I used to think needy women were attracted to me and couldn't figure out why. Nobody was more shocked than I was when I figured out it was the other way around.

Good luck to you.

Cyranoak

Carol Star

Thanks Dandylion that link VERY helpful- I joined- I have a narcissistic sister.......

TobeC

There is an article you can find that is found very interesting about the overuse of the term narcissist. It talks about NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and the clinical diagnosis of the disorder and how our culture grasps on to terms used in psychology and throws them around as everyday insults. In a nutshell and I'm paraphrasing that we are quick to call an everyday ass*ole a narcissist. Codependency is in the same camp. As a society it seems we are quick to want to use labels reserved for clinical psychology to either insult someone or justify our behavior. It's very interesting. So, maybe start shopping for a partner out of a different catalog as the one you are currently leafing through is chock full of assholes. Lol. Good luck out there.

TobeC

And The author of that book and blogger, Lisa Scott is in human resources. She may have lived with a diagnosed narcissist but she isn't qualified to diagnose one herself. Not defending these true predators but before you throw out labels, truly get the facts. Calling someone a narcissist these days is like calling someone a psychopath. Really? They may just be a crappy person.

Eauchiche

Probably right, Tobe. Perhaps I should have used the more generic "toxic person" instead of narcissist.
All psychological nomenclature aside, "narcissist" is a word rooted in ancient mythology that is commonly understood in the culture at large.
In my particular case, I have two people at hand who came into my life and immediately started trying to make me over. Both loudly sing their own praises of how influential they are, and what they have done in life.
The question I have been asking myself, is if I unknowingly give off vibes that invite personalities like them to come "help" me.
I have to say though, that my recovery is apparently working. I used to run after types like that instead of away from them!

Eauchiche

Thanks so much, Cryanoak. I will definitely look at it from this angle. Thanks to everyone else also who replied to my post!!!

dandylion

\TobeC......You make a certain point. Yes, there are lots of labels thrown around, once they be ome a household word. "Bipolar" is often used for anyone with mood swings...".Co-dependency" for anyone who has dated an addict...."researcher" for anyone who has done one google search......
etc.........

There are hundreds of examples, in every realm.....
Myself.....I try to look at the total context from which a person is speaking....and, as long as I can understand the essence of what a person is trying to convey...I let them "slide" most of the time. (unless on a legal record..like a medical record or court paper, for example)....
LOL....or, unless someone is calling me something that I know I am not.
I try not to publically correct someone unless it is going to make a difference....

That said...the correct term for a**hole is, actually, "anus"......

Eauchiche

Still venting here. I hope you can bear with me.
Other people in my life don't necessarily have to be narcissistic or toxic for me to limit contact with them. Case in point: business relationships:

1. Christmas weekend a retailer found me on Facebook and asked to start carrying some of my products on his retail website. I had never done wholesale business before. When I got home, I sat down and figured out that I could make a decent margin on my stuff even at wholesale. The gentleman bragged about his worldwide business and the exposure it would give me. Pictures of my products and the boxes I send them in are all over the web.
After three weeks with this guy, I have offered to refund him and pay return shipping. No amount I would have made is worth the incessant e-mails criticizing my packaging, materials, etc.....

2. I made an arrangement with a personal trainer to start a workout plan. I told him I could afford him once a month. We agreed to a meeting once a month and I joined his gym. One week after our initial meeting, he informs me that he needs a second meeting right now to give me my exercise plan. I thought that was covered at the first meeting!!!

I am tired of telling and explaining over and over, when once should be enough....

Eauchiche

I just wanted t thank Cryanoak again for this insightful post, and to speculate that some parts of our recovery are easier than others. This post is a case in point. Just becoming aware that I was attracted to Narcissists started me on a "polarity change."
Frankly, I find myself repulsed by personalities I used to be attracted to.

NYCDoglvr

Thanks for pointing this out. Bill Wilson, in the Big Book, calls alcoholics (addicts) self-centered in the extreme and selfish. Enormous egos coupled with low self esteem. "His majesty the child." Narcissists never change but addicts can and do change with therapy and the 12 Steps (hard work and a lot of effort).

What I learned in Alanon is I had to change if I wanted to attract healthier people. I also learned to listen and walk away quickly when a red flag emerged.

Maudcat

I call my alcoholic sib King Baby. He is the most self-centered, selfish person I know.
But...he was that long before alcohol took him over.

Ap052183

Lol. I used to call my ex "the mike (not his real name) show" because it was like he was constantly on stage. LOOK HOW AWESOME I AM! King baby is perfect!

velma929

Back in college, a professor asked us, "Do you know anyone who married the same person over and over?" One of my classmates said, "You mean like my Aunt Rose who married Uncle Charlie again after they divorced?"

We all laughed and the prof said, not exactly. He meant the same type of person. It's easier to repeat the same pattern over and over again, rather than doing something new. New things can be uncomfortable, even if they're better for us. Putting this in context, this was a fundamentals of acting class, and Prof was working on our posture. Those of us who tended to slump or round our shoulders were stunned to have our pecs stretched out to a more normal position. Literally, it hurt.

Heck, I stayed married because I didn't want to admit I'd made a mistake.