2muchpain

Not sure if this is worth posting, but since I'm posting, I must think it's worth while. Been drinking off and on for a while cause I just don't see to completely quit. The only thing that keeps me from going over the deep end is the horrible withdrawals I've had before. That should be enough but for now, just doesn't seem to be enough. Just keeps me from going too far. Nothing is really affected by my drinking. I have nobody close to me as I've said before, so it doesn't affect my relationships. I've cut back from working cause I can and still get by, so my drinking doesn't really affect that. TBH, nothing is affected by my drinking except maybe my health and at my age, I'm not too concerned about that. I've lived a good life and have been really lucky about that. No complaints. I know that even at my age, there is still a lot of stuff to do, but it really doesn't sound all that interesting. Just stuff to do to keep me busy. Like I'm just biding my time. I have read that drugs and alcohol are big problems for older people and I can see why. I know I can volunteer for stuff and I have to admit I've been putting that off, partially cause I've talked to people that have done that, and they all have horrible stories about doing that and eventually bailed.
So, would like to hear from older, single people that are in this situation who have managed to deal with this. No, I have no family to speak of except my sister that lives far from me that I do still keep in contact with. Am seriously thinking about buying a small RV to do some traveling. John

2muchpain

Just want to add that I know I'm a lucky guy. There are people all over the world that would give anything to be in my shoes. I'm far from rich, but have enough to get buy and should have no problem having a roof over my head and food on the table. I have good affordable health care to add to this. So, like I said, I have no complaints really. Maybe I should focus on what I have than what I don't. But even with knowing that, I just don't see a reason not to drink. Not promoting drinking. Just trying to get ideas on not to drink. Thanks. John

site1Q84

Hey John!

Glad to see you back. It seems like you know if you're here than something isn't right. Drinking may not be negatively affecting your life at the moment that you're noticing (I'm sure it will though), but is it making it better in any way either? I mean, what are you really getting out of it?

thomas11

Well you name (2muchpain) suggests to me that drinking might not be treating you well? I would agree with you, you don't have to quit, you can keep drinking and living your life just as you are. No one is going to stop you. But the fact that you are posting on this forum, and have been since 2014 indicates to me that you have at least an interest in quitting, right? Try it, I think you'll like it.

As far as being fulfilled in your older years, I'm fighting with that right now. I've lived a full life (I'm 49), I'm not sure what else I "want" to do in life. So I pick certain things that modestly interest me, and do them. Maybe I'll have an epiphany some day and be balls to the wall again, but for now, its not there.

Mattq2

John I'm not sure how old you are but I'm in my mid fifties. I drank every day for fourteen years. I know now I was never truely happy during that time. Now the simplest things bring me joy. I love just waking up to see a new day. So I guess my reason to quit is simple, I want to live what ever time I have left "happy" . We all deserve that and I'm sure you do my friend

Jim1958

I guess it depends on your relationship with alcohol. I'm 58. I can tell you a day off for me involved drinking all day. By nightfall I had consumed enough that I would pass out. So in other words, I could not drink one or two. I drank and kept going. If you are able to drink one or two, and stop, maybe you don't have a real problem. I could not say that, and had to quit. For many people, alcohol is not an issue. Only you can decide if alcohol is a problem.

Dee74

Hi John

Even if the only person you're hurting is yourself that's be one person too many.

You are good guy with a lot of great gifts - but it's impossible to reach your potential when you're drinking, even 'off and on'.

Like I said to someone else today - I've done more in the last ten years sober than I did in the 20 before that drunk. I think that's possible for anyone regardless of age.

Don't let your inner addict talk you down - it does matter whether you're sober or not - it matters a lot.

You're worth fighting for

D

Notimetoloose

It is great you are posting...it is my downfall, talking about stuff.
John, I read and reread your post and you sound grateful and aware that you are in a fortunate position for what do have and no doubt worked for!...but, what does alcohol do for you?, what are you getting out of it, what is it replacing,? what is it masking?..

Alcohol will put me in an early grave. Us alcoholics, we can not drink, not one. it destroys all that is good.

The Rv trip sound amazing, I could only imagine being in that situation that I could actually do something as wonderful. I hope you will reconsider and not drink .

Hevyn

I'm so glad you posted, John. Is the drinking bringing you any pleasure or comfort? It doesn't seem like it is - and it surely is going to impact your health at some point. I think going on a trip sounds wonderful - and you don't need alcohol for that great adventure.

ScottFromWI

Hey John, I have to say I kind of figured you might be drinking again as your posting has been less frequent and less interactive for a while. Lots of good info has been posted already, I would add that when you are sober you are a completely different person here on SR and in a good way. Your input was always helpful, consise and compassionate and I miss that John. I think your AV is trying to pull a fast one on you but letting you think that drinking "on and off" is OK. You know exactly where it will go eventually.

2muchpain

Thanks Scott for this post. I was surprised to hear you figured I was drinking cause I haven't been as involved in SR as I was in the past. I didn't think anybody would notice that. Sometimes I don't post cause it would be disrespectful to the good people on SR who are trying to quit. Yeah, your right about where this will eventually end up cause it always ends up the same, and it's not pretty. Tomorrow I start day 1 again (too late for starting over today). I think my biggest problem is finding purpose in life. I'm sure a lot of people here can relate to that. Two things I have thought of is finding a way to share my experiences as a former teacher to help others. The other one is that I always enjoy meeting new people and learning from them. Combining them in some way would be really cool. I've always taken pride in being able to help people in some way. Also, I've always been afraid of change. Keeping things the same is much more comfortable. But keeping things the same is not working anymore. Gotta find a way to feel I'm still a valuable person in some way. John

fini

ah crumbs, John, what pleasure and satisfaction you'll be able to get from putting your desire to help others in combo with liking to meet new people and using 'teaching skills' when you can share about how you got and stayed sober and changed despite fear of change!
what you and others have to look forward to! purpose....indeed!

heartcore

I am 50, and am single (& have been for a long time with little dating flurries now & then...).
I would have also said that I hurt no one with my drinking, that I wasn't close to anyone to hurt.
It occurred to me recently that maybe the reason there was no one close enough to hurt is that - because drinking & drugs kept me isolated - it was the drinking itself which has prevented my getting close to people! It allowed me to give up on people & be ok with that. It convinced me that people aren't worth the energy. It supported my pushing people away.
Alcohol is a possessive & demanding friend - it wants all your time & energy.
Sober, my life is slowly filling with people I care about & who care about me. I'm letting them in. And it turns out I was really lonely, & actually wanted friends after all.

MythOfSisyphus

Powerful stuff, John. Booze is pretty seductive for just those reasons. When I drank the booze was both the journey and the destination, the cause of things and the effect. It salved my boredom when I felt I had nothing to do and of course became a pasttime unto itself. It can be hard to break that cycle.

It may well be that we as humans don't really have any innate, overarching purpose on this planet. I decided long ago that I might as well choose, not find- chose, my own purpose. That has to be at least as valid as finding one left by the Universe! I believe in good works for their own sake, compassion for all people and a drive to make the world better. By the world I don't even mean the whole planet, just my little corner of it.

I don't recall if you mentioned your age? It really doesn't matter much. This Universe was ancient long before the molten lump of rock we live on ever cooled to form the Earth. Our time upon the stage is pretty fleeting. To me that makes addiction even more tragic. Even the most boring day is still a miracle when you think about it. We humans may be small compared to a galaxy, weak compared to a black hole and fleeting compared to a star but tiny specks though we are we have something nothing else in the Universe has: Consciousness.

Perhaps your drinking doesn't harm anyone else but it does diminish what you could be, what you could do. It blunts all the things you could feel and think. Obviously it also brings you unhappiness at least sometimes. But you also must want to stop on some level or you wouldn't be here.

Your struggle is our struggle and all of us have to grapple with the same set of issues. And yeah, change can intimidate all of us at least sometimes. But nothing changes if nothing changes!

Delilah1

Hi John,

I'm glad you decided to post, and definitely agree that you logged on tonight for a reason. Your plan to volunteer sounds like a wonderful one.

August252015

Most of the points I'd make have already been said, so I'll just add two things:

I hear "Yet"....the bad/worst haven't happened to you....yet. Many of us got to a "yet" we didn't think we'd hit- and kept on going, losing more and more. I sure did.

And, with continued sobriety comes clarity. As my mind has cleared, I am able to make good decisions and actually live; I do not know what my purpose is- perhaps it isn't anything grand, rather to be one example of sobriety to others who might need hope- AND I do know I have the best chance at figuring out what my purpose is (and enjoying my life along the way) if I stay sober.

Glad you're back and hope you stay.

2muchpain

heartcore, I have shared probably too many times my difficulties forming friendships even sober so I won't bore people here again. I'll just say it's been that way for a long time, so I've pretty much given up on that. I'll never find people where I live to hang out with. The strange thing is that whenever I travel, I meet the coolest people. Sometimes, we'll actually hang out for a while. Probably happens cause I'm a pretty friendly person if given the chance. That's why the idea of buying or renting an RV and just traveling sounds like a good idea for me. Sure, it's short term, but it beats feeling isolated. Besides, I like checking out archelogical (sp) stuff and exploring parks, caves etc. Maybe I could even volunteer at schools along the way. Just got to get the courage to do it although I know I could always go back to renting an apartment wherever I end up and pick up where I left off. My pension, social security and health care will follow me anywhere, so I really have nothing to lose. John

heartcore

John -

Do your dreams. Happiness is power. It's all connected.

If you are a traveler, then you are a traveler.
If you want an RV, get an RV.

We will die. Regardless of belief, it just might be darkness.
Do all your dreams, and the world will unfold!
Or, you can stay loaded & just dream stuff, & then die.
This is your freedom time! Do whatever you want! All of us - we have the gift to do our dreams or just be open to finding them!

Drunk, our works gets small.
Sober, our world enlarges!
Then, the rest is sort of up to the world!
I am not going quietly...I want everything!!

heartcore

Seriously. Buy an RV & explore archeological sites & rock formations!
That is a privileged & lovely choice!
Devote yourself to your interests.
The world is profoundly interesting, & you have the right to explore any aspect of it you choose with intensity & joy before you die!

If you are sober, you'll remember the awesome adventure of it!

stevieg46

Hi John .

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over looking for different results .

You cannot be in too much pain whilst carrying on the same way , exploring ? think its time you stopped exploring the neck of a bottle , take care .

Stevie recovered 12 03 2006