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New here but my story isn't new

Old 01-10-2017, 04:50 PM
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New here but my story isn't new

I grew up with two alcoholic parents, my father was "functional" and my mother was not. She spent time in jail for DUI, and got sober over and over again, culminating in time in a halfway house a few hours away from where I lived with my also alcoholic and abusive step-father. My father lived several hours in a different direction and I only saw him infrequently. My mother got sober for the final time when she was 42 and I was 16. She stayed sober until she died 11 years later. She was very involved in the AA and NA community and I know that it works. My father is still actively using. I didn't drink at all in high school and through much of college but picked up a daily pot habit then. I spent the next decade smoking a lot. Once my children were old enough to wonder about the odor, I started drinking more frequently. My ex-husband is also a smoker and drinker so my children have been raised in a pretty dysfunctional mess - and I HATE that I have repeated some of the things I grew up with, and hate that I have modeled the same crap for them - I don't want them to know this misery. They are teenagers now and live with me full time. I've been through the typical ups and downs of alcoholism, attempting to manage my drinking, bargain with myself and it never ever works. At this point I have been drinking only on weekends but my consumption on those days has nearly doubled what it was when I was drinking every day. I've exhausted every attempt to "manage" my drinking and I'm making the choice to stop.

My day to day life is difficult taking care of my babies and my household by myself with not enough money or time. I'm often emotionally wrecked trying to be both parents to these kids because there just isn't enough of me to go around. Drinking has become my outlet and method of dealing with everything and it scares me to know that I will have to develop new methods - however I have finally come to accept and believe that THIS outlet is not helping me deal or cope at all, it's just helping me hide and making everything worse. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I purchased some B-12, thiamin, and valerian root. I have a meeting I can get to every day at lunch without raising suspicions at work, I already have all of the AA literature in my house - it belonged to my mother. I've attended Al-Anon off and on and lots of open meetings where my mom was speaking so I'm familiar and comfortable with the community. I just had to get sick and tired enough to put the plan together and take the steps to executing it. I had one serving of alcohol for today to ease the withdrawal - I cannot take time off work right now so I hope that's enough of a wean down to not suffer too badly physically.

I'm very scared. But I know life can be better than this.

Last edited by dontburntheday; 01-10-2017 at 04:55 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 01-10-2017, 04:53 PM
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Sounds like you have good insight into your situation. I hope you can stay sober.
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Old 01-10-2017, 04:53 PM
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Welcome to SR. Lots of support here.
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Old 01-10-2017, 04:56 PM
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Life can be better--sober--one day at a time.

We are all here for you. Keep posting and sharing here.
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Old 01-10-2017, 05:05 PM
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Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you as much as it's helped me.
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Old 01-10-2017, 05:57 PM
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Welcome dontburntheday! So happy to have you here.

Check in and post often - it makes a difference! It sounds like you have a great plan already going.
If the withdrawals get bad, please get yourself to a doctor! You could even go to an urgent care during lunch if you have to, but better safe than sorry.

Glad you're here and look forward to seeing you post more in the future!
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Old 01-10-2017, 06:32 PM
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Welcome, dontburn. It's great to have you here.

You're so right - drinking to mask our problems ends up causing even more damage. I can't believe I thought it was helping me cope with troubles. Facing problems head on with a clear head is the only way. It took me a long time to learn that. Glad you found us - we're a supportive & encouraging group.
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Old 01-10-2017, 06:38 PM
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Welcome - prayers
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Old 01-10-2017, 06:52 PM
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Total support (even if virtual) and prayers (def. actual) for you here.
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Old 01-10-2017, 07:10 PM
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Hi, DontBurn. Welcome. I have found this to be a very supportive and encouraging place. If you haven't already done so, check out the January Newcomers class thread. A lot of us just starting out anew on this journey and dealing with some of the same struggles. Wish you the best. CW.
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Old 01-10-2017, 07:41 PM
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Welcome dontburntheday

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Old 01-10-2017, 11:16 PM
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Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support I this site. I have found that being sober is actually much easier than attempting to moderate my drinking.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:19 AM
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Thank you very much for the welcome and encouragement.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:24 AM
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Glad to see you here, and glad that you are starting out with a plan in place. I think that makes all the difference. Lots of support here - keep reading and posting!
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