lolitalola

I'm more sure how to approach this. I left AH may 15 due to verbal abuse and a bottle of vodka that finally tipped me over the edge. It's been 8 months and life has been peaceful.

I went up north to visit my sister and on returning found a bottle cap on the floor and he had googled nearby bottle shops. Lies lies lies.
I found out from my brother today that he visited a mutual friend and had a bender.

Lies again until I told him I knew. Then defence telling me he is sick of me and doesn't want to be with me anymore. I know it's the usual toxic kick back defence but I have no idea what to do.

NewRomanMan

Most alcoholics will get to the point where they will choose the alcohol over anything else. That includes wives and children. While he may be bluffing to get you to ease off, my guess is that he's probably lost the ability to choose anything over the alcohol. It's the worst part of the disease. Do what you need to do for you right now. Do your best to detach with love from him and leave him to his own devices. You can't make him change. Knowing that you know he lied to you won't make any difference. Until the pain of being a drunk becomes more than the pain of changing and sobering up, this is probably how it's going to be.

honeypig

I didn't go back and read all your old posts, lolitalola, but from the sound of this post, it would seem that nothing has changed...AH is still drinking and you're still unhappy about it.

He's apparently not interested in changing, so if you want things to be different, looks like you'll have to be the one who changes.

You say you left him--was that just a temporary leaving, since it seems you're still with him or back with him?

lolitalola

Thanks for the support.

It's been 8 months and things have been amazing. He has not touched a drop... I can tell. He was going to the gym every second day and karate.

I'm letting it
Cool down and doing my own thing but this is so hard as I genuinely thought he was never going to drink again. Life has been so peaceful.

I did leave as he was trying to control the drinking and it didn't work. This was the first time he had abstained and life has been perfect for 8
Months. I'm wondering if this is a common thing.

heartcore

A relapse can happen, but that's not what's most concerning. I think the real worry is that he initially lied, then didn't take any responsibility for it, & turned it into negativity toward you. People make mistakes, but owning up to those mistakes is very different from your description of his response...

LexieCat

There's a good chance he's been drinking all along, isn't there? You said he could go for a few weeks at a stretch without drinking large quantities.

Either way, though, you've got an alcoholic husband who is apparently determined to keep drinking. You've got kids, about whom you've previously expressed concern as to the effect on them. He's abusive, and he's a police officer. Altogether, that's not a good or healthy scenario for you and your kids.

Maybe it's time to take him at his word. If he wants to drink, he can keep doing that but without subjecting you and the kids to his behavior. You can also let his superiors know what's going on. He's a risk to public safety, too.

You might want to talk with a DV advocate, though, to plan any moves you intend to make. This situation could turn lethal in a heartbeat.

dandylion

lolitatola.....I am confused. You said that you left him 8mo. ago and things have been peaceful the whole time...until. jut now.....?
How long did you stay gone when you left him? Have you returned to living together?
Did you just leave for a little while, thinking it would scare him into sobriety...?

Lolitola....Go to the
stickies"....the information articles above the actual threads o n the main page of Friends and Families of alcoholism.......
There, you will find a virtual bootcamp of information on alcoholism and living with alcoholics.....
Learn everything that you can about alcoholism.....(there is a lot to know).
Knowledge is power.....

I hope that you keep posting, here.....

PhoenixJ

Prayers- there is far more wisdom on these threads than I have.

lolitalola

I'm sorry for the confusion.
Last year I left for nearly 4 weeks. AH had only tried to control intake prior to this.

He asked me to return on the condition he embrace sobriety. And he has for over 8 months.

lolitalola

Lexie cat I know with my whole heart that he has not drank for the 8 months.

He has not been abusive and was not abusive yesterday he was defensive and very upset. I have spoken to his sponsor who will see him tomorrow abou

lolitalola

About it. Sorry I am having probs with my phone.

He has not been abusive for since last May. He has been present and active and amazing.

I guess I will see what comes next.

hopeful4

Very common. Eight months is not long for an alcoholic I am sorry to say. My X stayed clean well over a year then full on relapse. Many relapse after years and years of sobriety. The reality is, when you have an alcoholic past, the chance of relapse is always a possibility for him. You have to decide if you can live with that, or not.

Not trying to minimize what you are going through because I know that "thud" feeling when it happens. Bliss is over. I get it.

Tight hugs.