ille74

I've never posted to a forum in my entire but am very concerned about my partner of ten years and her alcoholism. Since she lost her job through no fault of her own, her social drinking has spiraled out of control. She has a lot of social isolation as we live in a small town and she has little in common with most of the residents, which further fueled her drinking.

She recognizes that she is an alcoholic and has gone to the doctor and been referred to an alcohol counselor. The doctor told her liver enzymes are elevated and that she needs to stop. For several weeks she cut down her drinking and went to two counselors but the addiction counselor asked her questions regarding her family and everything went off the rails and over the last three weeks she been on a downward spiral. She suffered a great deal of abuse throughout her childhood and talking about it sent her into a horrible depression.

Also, the level of care she is receiving seems spotty at best which leads to my concern. Tomorrow she is meeting with one of her counselors who is going to discuss options with her regarding treatment but I'm worried about what advice they will give her. Usually they simply tell her to stop drinking and then she goes into withdrawls and leads to her drinking again. I do believe she wants to stop drinking but I'm concerned as to what they will tell her, as it seems to go against the research I have done and what I've read on this site. I am greatly worried that if she doesn't stop drinking she will do irreparable harm to herself or I'll come home from work and she will have fallen and injured herself. Basically I wanted to get these feelings off my chest and this seemed to be a caring forum. Thanks

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome! The good news is that your wife does seem to be making an honest effort. Part of the problem may be that addictions counselors aren't necessarily trained to work with survivors of abuse, who must be treated for that separately from the treatment for the addiction. I don't know what kind of abuse she might have suffered, but if it was sexual abuse then I'd suggest contacting your local rape crisis agency--they have specially trained therapists they can refer her to, who will know how to treat that trauma without causing further harm. It's definitely a specialty. For survivors of other types of child abuse, I'd suggest reaching out to your local child advocacy center (if you have one) or even the victim services advocate at your local prosecutor's office--they probably can suggest places where she can get help.

For her withdrawal symptoms, she should be under the care of a physician or at a medically-supervised detox center. The detoxing takes only a matter of days. And AA is a terrific resource. They can provide great support and a program of recovery that works very well for most people--especially if she is also getting professional help in recovering from her history of abuse.

You could use some support, yourself. I recommend Al-Anon--it is a great relief to be able to talk to people who really GET what you're dealing with. Al-Anon is not to help her get sober--it's to help YOU so you don't get burned out and crazy (or maybe I should say, MORE crazy--most of us who have to live with active alcoholism become a little nuts ourselves).

PhoenixJ

life- hello and welcome. I am an alcoholic and remember the pain and isolation of being in a rural setting. Can your partner possibly go to AA meetings in another location other than where you live? The counselling stuff is good- but for me the deal closer was on the ground every day support. Counselling sessions for me are a kind of summation- suggestion of stuff done, needs doing and why. Also exploring strategies. Every day support means when I feel crud- I can contact my AA sponsor. SMART meetings - although where I am are- weekly, they discuss very much here and now stuff. What I think, how I dealt with stuff in the last week and plan to in the next week. It is group feedback based - 'in my experience I found this worked, have you thought about doing such and such?'.
Thoughts and prayers for your wife and you. Your words give over you being a caring partner.

Bekindalways

Welcome Ille. I'm glad you found SR.

My qualifier never sought help so I was never in your position. Consequently, I can't offer any practical support only second the suggestion to seek help for yourself.

Let us know how it goes.

ille74

I just wanted to thank you all for replying to my post yesterday. I don't think her meeting with the addiction counselor went well. It was more of the same and not really giving her options. I don't think they are getting the gravity of the situation, particularly the physical deterioration I'm witnessing and told them about. She basically refuses to eat. She's just getting weaker and stumbles around the house. I'm worried she's going to falI and hurt herself. I don't know how to implore them to allow her to go to detox and get psychological help. I've never been through something like this myself.

Also if she gets through this I don't know about AA. She's an atheist and has really negative connotations about the 12 step program. I've told her lots of atheists have been in AA and she said they are crazy. I told her about Smart Recovery and she seems more open to it but is leery about online and phone meetings since we don't have face to face meetings anywhere around here. Does anyone know about the efficacy of those meetings? I just wanted to update you. Thanks

Bekindalways

Argh Ille, I wish something more positive had come out of her meeting with the addiction counselor.

Is it possible she isn't telling you the entire story of her meeting? Is she willing to go to detox if it was possible?

Please take the best care of yourself that you can.