Expanding

I came across a picture of my ex on social media and my goodness, his eyes just look so sad. It made me feel bad that at one point I wanted him to feel pain ( because I was hurting... sick thinking I know ), and even though I knew he must have been hurt on some level, seeing it didn't feel good. It actually feels really ******. He doesn't look well. I don't know if he's always looked like that and I'm no longer seeing him through the haze of love, or if his health is deteriorating. I guess the good thing is that I've clearly moved on to a different stage... but this feeling of sadness for him feels different than it was in the past. The look in his eyes went right to my soul! There's a part of me that still wants to take care of him. I wonder if it'll ever go away.

Maudcat

I think it will in time, Expanding. You have moved from anger to sadness and pity for him. That suggests personal growth to me. I look at the alcoholic in my life, my sib, and think, "My God, how is it that he is still walking around? " He looks terrible. But...the truth is, it can take a very long time for alcohol to be the death of someone. Not that you are wishing for that. Nor am I. Just making an observation. Peace.

dandylion

Expanding...I consider it normal to feel compassion for other people.....
I do think, that, over time...lots more time...that you will feel compassion but will not have the impulse to tear your self up
inside, over it.

If it helps, any....I am willing to bet that, if the situation were reversed---he would not be tearing himself up over you......

Expanding

I don't know if he's even capable of reading the emotions of others. I think part of what I'm feeling is more than sadness for him, it's a representation of the many ruined lives. It reminded me that there are people out there walking around in pain and I feel for them. Sometimes I wish I was a little less empathic... if someone screws me over I'm still able to feel for them. I am happy I now have the ability to not act on these feelings or base my life around someone else, but man, it was like a knife through hot butter seeing that.

Nata1980

Yep - I had to get off social media once my now sober XAH got on it. His picture from New Years Eve was very depressing sight.

There were some earlier pictures from his early sobriety where he was on "pink cloud" and part of me was hurting because he was neglecting his son at a time. I wish him well and feel really sorry for him. It appears that he finally realized some things and he has been much more involved with DS over the break.

As a side note - it feels awfully restful and refreshing not to see what is going on in everyone's life 24/7. I strongly recommend getting off Facebook

honeypig

Or seeing what everyone says is going on in their life...Fakebook indeed.

MAYA1

I have been just deleting some pictures of my ex from my phone. We havent been in touch since 2 August when I saw those pictures from our last year together it made me sad. Thourghout that last year, he was on and off some pills, drugs, alcohol and on most of the pictures he looks so sad! I didnt realize it at that time.

I deleted those and he doesn have facebook so I dont see him anymore, but I still remember that after a year spent trying to help him and make him happy, he left me as soon as he got new job, moved and was on his pink sobriety cloud. I am glad I have no further inforamtion.

I am sad for all people who were hurt and are in pain, but I was used by one of these and he had no empathy for me. We have to choose ourselves! Stay strong.