New to Recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canberra Australia
Posts: 11
New to Recovery?
Hi
I'm not sure I qualify as being new to recovery as I have tried many times to be sober. I've lost count of how many times I've tried over recent years. But I'm still here trying so I guess all hope is not lost. I'm struggling with trying to heal the past hurts that have caused me to become this version of me that I'm not happy with. The shame I feel is overwhelming but I think the trick is healing the childhood trauma so that I don't add to the shame. I know its a protection measure to blame yourself and therefore take control but when you continue to blame yourself you punish yourself....over....and over....and over you just retraumatise yourself over and over. I'm trying to forgive myself and be kind to myself.
I'm not sure I qualify as being new to recovery as I have tried many times to be sober. I've lost count of how many times I've tried over recent years. But I'm still here trying so I guess all hope is not lost. I'm struggling with trying to heal the past hurts that have caused me to become this version of me that I'm not happy with. The shame I feel is overwhelming but I think the trick is healing the childhood trauma so that I don't add to the shame. I know its a protection measure to blame yourself and therefore take control but when you continue to blame yourself you punish yourself....over....and over....and over you just retraumatise yourself over and over. I'm trying to forgive myself and be kind to myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome to the forum Roxy. Glad you're here and posting.
I completely agree - "Our liquor is but a symptom" of the malady that ensnares us - a lot of us come to sobriety with lots of unsavoury baggage that we've been dragging around for decades, unable to look at it. I used to think of it as an old wound that had gone septic, but I was too afraid to face tearing the old dressing off and taking a good look at it and clean it up, and let the air get to it so I could heal. I even went to counselling, but was unable to be honest enough for it to be helpful to me.
In the end, what helped me to deal with that wound was a 12-step recovery program with a sponsor (another alcoholic, who had 18 years of sobriety and recovery behind her, and who very much 'had what I wanted'). Steps 1 2 and 3 were like steeling myself to tear the bandage off, step 4 was tearing it off and having a good look at it, and step 5 was like cleaning that wound and giving it some air. That left me free to continue healing, and putting things right, and learning to deal with life on life's terms in a less reactive way, with everything being puppet-like and my strings being jerked around by my fears, and resentments, and counterproductive attempts to protect my fragile and unruly ego.
It was the single best thing I ever did for myself. Not necessarily the easiest, but definitely the best.
What is your plan for sobriety and recovery this time round? If you haven't got a plan yet it may be worth reading Dee's thread about making one. As an AAer, I would suggest making use of this free and confidential fellowship. There are likely to be meetings in your area. Another 12-step program that works on the same principles is CoDa, which isn't specifically for people with addiction or alcohol issues, but focusses more on interpersonal relationships, how we have learned faulty coping strategies and why. That fellowship isn't so big though, and has yet to reach many areas.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Alcoholics Anonymous
codependentsanonymous.org.au
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
I completely agree - "Our liquor is but a symptom" of the malady that ensnares us - a lot of us come to sobriety with lots of unsavoury baggage that we've been dragging around for decades, unable to look at it. I used to think of it as an old wound that had gone septic, but I was too afraid to face tearing the old dressing off and taking a good look at it and clean it up, and let the air get to it so I could heal. I even went to counselling, but was unable to be honest enough for it to be helpful to me.
In the end, what helped me to deal with that wound was a 12-step recovery program with a sponsor (another alcoholic, who had 18 years of sobriety and recovery behind her, and who very much 'had what I wanted'). Steps 1 2 and 3 were like steeling myself to tear the bandage off, step 4 was tearing it off and having a good look at it, and step 5 was like cleaning that wound and giving it some air. That left me free to continue healing, and putting things right, and learning to deal with life on life's terms in a less reactive way, with everything being puppet-like and my strings being jerked around by my fears, and resentments, and counterproductive attempts to protect my fragile and unruly ego.
It was the single best thing I ever did for myself. Not necessarily the easiest, but definitely the best.
What is your plan for sobriety and recovery this time round? If you haven't got a plan yet it may be worth reading Dee's thread about making one. As an AAer, I would suggest making use of this free and confidential fellowship. There are likely to be meetings in your area. Another 12-step program that works on the same principles is CoDa, which isn't specifically for people with addiction or alcohol issues, but focusses more on interpersonal relationships, how we have learned faulty coping strategies and why. That fellowship isn't so big though, and has yet to reach many areas.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Alcoholics Anonymous
codependentsanonymous.org.au
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
Welcome Roxy. Childhood, guilt, shame- self blame can totally relate to. One of the biggest gaps in my emotional development. My work at the moment. That's when booze came in and my core was shut down Keep sharing, prayers to you. PJ
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 16
I know the reason I drank was shame and what kept me drinking is not wanting to face it. I don't know any of the answers about how to resolve the past yet, but I know drinking has left me stalled and was causing me to destroy my future. All the blessings and luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canberra Australia
Posts: 11
Hi All,
Thank you for your advice and support. I don't expect to make much progress in my healing until i stop drinking, which obviously wont happen until I stop trying to escape the unhealed trauma by burying it.
My plan is to:
1) Draw high boundaries around myself whilst i work on myself so that i can reduce my exposure to triggers whilst I rewire my stress responses. I think with peace and quiet i will be better able to change my patterns of thinking and habits and to become less reactionary to high stress situations.
2) Develop a consistent self care routine, focusing on eating very healthy, keeping well hydrated, maintaining good hygiene and regular sleep.
3) Develop new coping strategies, most of which involve connecting with my spirituality which centres around relaxation and meditation techniques.
4) Setting goals and increasing motivation.
5) Practising compassion, love and grace in all things.
6) Putting my needs first and reducing people pleasing behaviours.
I have a really wonderful life and I intend to fully embrace all the gifts and opportunities at my disposal in my recovery.
Thank you for your advice and support. I don't expect to make much progress in my healing until i stop drinking, which obviously wont happen until I stop trying to escape the unhealed trauma by burying it.
My plan is to:
1) Draw high boundaries around myself whilst i work on myself so that i can reduce my exposure to triggers whilst I rewire my stress responses. I think with peace and quiet i will be better able to change my patterns of thinking and habits and to become less reactionary to high stress situations.
2) Develop a consistent self care routine, focusing on eating very healthy, keeping well hydrated, maintaining good hygiene and regular sleep.
3) Develop new coping strategies, most of which involve connecting with my spirituality which centres around relaxation and meditation techniques.
4) Setting goals and increasing motivation.
5) Practising compassion, love and grace in all things.
6) Putting my needs first and reducing people pleasing behaviours.
I have a really wonderful life and I intend to fully embrace all the gifts and opportunities at my disposal in my recovery.
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