SWTPEA61

Im driving my 18 year old daughter and her two friends to the airport, college break is over and they are flying back to Washington state. We are listening to all the music from my youth that I turned them on to.....David Bowie, Lou Reed.
Huh, it's that ironic they both died of liver CA.
maybe I would have if I didn't stop drinking.
Their laughing and joking around in the back seat I get all the jokes but, I don't laugh.
We get to the airport and I hug my daughter goodbye and I realize I don't know when I'll see her again. They laugh and joke around because nick can't fit his sneakers in his carry-on bag.
They go into the departure terminal not looking back. I get back into the car......David Bowie's Low is still playing i quickly turn it off.
They left without me....is my first thought, I want to go out west too...... what is my problem? Im the mom......im 55 years old.....im 55 years old. I keep repeating to myself as I m driving down the highway. All these emotions whell up inside of me. Im getting depressed...I don't want to drink.....that's good...
I was the "fun" mom...every kid came to my house to hang out watch movies,eat , my daughter that I just dropped off plays guitar and she and her friends would jam out in my basement and smoke weed.....i was the "cool"mom because emotionally I was their age.
I started drinking heavily when my daughter's became teenagers. I guess im not taking this aging thing very well.....or im emotionally immature because of my dysfunctional childhood.....
Thanks for listening everyone all these emotions and feelings need to come out....phew I feel so much better

bluedog97

I don't have kids so I cant relate there. But I went to an AA meeting today and as Im sitting there listening to everyone share, I felt about 18 years old. I hated the feeling. Im 42. Im like a grown manchild.

Anna

I definitely think that addiction halts emotional development, though we probably don't realize it at the time. For me, it became crystal clear as I moved into recovery. And, the empty nest syndrome is a tough one for Moms because we put all of our heart and soul into raising our children. When they grow up and move on (which is our goal), we feel lost. I'm glad you're holding on and getting through this.

tomsteve

I heard early on that an alcoholic stops growing mentally and emotionally when they first start drinking.
that meant that at 36 when I got sober, I was 13 in my head.
didn't take long and I believed it.

BrendaChenowyth

I had this sort of realization early on in my sobriety, too.. I realized I didn't know who I was because I didn't spend my twenties doing any real self-discovery or self-development, I just spent it drinking and making bad decisions, and 5 months ago was the same person I was the summer I graduated from high school and enlisted.. meaning I had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do or how to navigate this world.

The confidence makes it's way back in slowly as you get to know the person you are deep down inside.. I found out I really liked me when I met me sober! I was so funny and smart and creative! lol I had no idea! So yeah, I guess I am still not up to par with where I should be at 31 on the emotional maturity spectrum, but this is new territory and I'm gonna be patient with myself as I catch up, not try to force anything, because it'll happen on its own.

BrendaChenowyth

So I was 20, not 18

Now I think I have reached about 27.. and I'll be 32 in May. My goal is to arrive at 33 physically and mentally at the same time.

entropy1964

Aging ain't for sissies sista. I'm 51, have a 16 yr old. I haven't experienced empty nest yet but it's coming in hot. Ugh. I have 2.5 precious more years.

Emotional maturity. I have actually known few truly emotionally mature people in my life. And that's by my standards.....which probably aren't real high . I'm hopeful that by following a program of recovery, maybe I'll get into my 30's before I die! I think honesty is where it all starts for me. Brutal honesty. No denial. No pretty picture painting.

Your post is very honest

saoutchik

I concur SWTPEA, alcohol does have a way of infantiling us. I'm divorced and my two daughters are 26 and 24 and probably reached maturity before I did in some respects. It can be tough but it is worth trying to hang on to the fun side of your personality without the booze

Outonthetiles

Great choice with Lou Reed and David Bowie. Both are greatly missed.

NewRomanMan

I hear you bluedog. I listen to my friends talk about all the things they've done and all the places they've been to, blah blah blah. Makes me feel like a complete loser after all the years I wasted being drunk and lazy and dull.

NewRomanMan

Absolutely. I hate being a 45 year old man with the emotional equilibrium of a 14 year old. Call me The Putz.

SWTPEA61

LOL

SWTPEA61

Frickaflip

SWTPEA61

SC

SWTPEA61

I believe it TS

SnazzyDresser

I think even people who don't drink will often have some problems with coming to terms with aging.

columbus

After raising my daughter essentially by myself for ten years (sober), getting her through high school and into college, at the start of her second year I thought: If ANYONE deserves a drink it is ME!

And within months I was right back where I was when I quit.

Eighteen years old, angry and hurt.

I think it was having an overwhelming responsibility for someone else during those years that kept me sober, gave me an identity. And when it was gone so was I.

tomsteve

today im 49 comin up on 12 years sober.
some days I feel emotionally 49
some days I feel emotionally 16
some days emotionally I feel 6

physically? some days I feel 93.
never feel younger than 49 though.

D122y

Swt,

I know some very selfish sober people. They could be described as immature.

I don't think drinking freezes maturation, it alters it.

It basically makes us a bit more insane.

But, w some herculean effort, we can recover and be normal folks again.

My emotions, at times, are still all over the place. Usually around 3 to 6 pm. That is my big crave window. It gets a bit easier each day.

Most other times I am super cool, I am also becoming super fit. I work out and make progress. This helps my confidence in life.

I know I can easily stay fit until I am in my mid 80.s. clean diet and exercise. Easy.

It is great for non drinkers to leverage our cleanliness into fitness.

Thanks.

jazzfish

Chris Hardwick has a really great quote for this state. He calls it "perpetual emotional infancy".