just needed to write this down
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Leeds, England
Posts: 17
just needed to write this down
Hi Folks, i dont post much on here , i do lurk, always find the support uplifting,
im 15 mth in recovery at the 2nd attempt, generally doing fine, mainly problems with my own head than anything else.
struggling today,
As a family wen went for a walk Monday step kids, grnadkids etc, we went down this little lane to a like nature park type thing,
On the way down there was a car coming up the lane, it was a RS TURBO escort, immaculate, been refurbed by the look, this was a car i really wanted when i first started driving, its iconic, could never have a fforded one then.
A fella got out and started taking pics of it in the sun, in the front seat was a little lad, maybe 2, 3 yr old max, lovely little blonde lad with a little cloth cap on, kid looked happy just sat there while his dad took pics, remembered him cos he was such a pretty kid, looked a lot like my grandson, same little hat and stuff.
As we walked down the hill we got to the house entrance, long drive up to a nice bungalow, the little lad was walking along in the garden holding his grandmas hand smiling along.
Well yesterday afternoon saw something come up on news and it was the same road, remembered it as its such an odd street name,
When I read on, it didn’t say much other than police, loads of ambulances and Air ambulance.
Found out later on that the little lad had been killed in his driveway, hit by a car manoeuvring.
What a horrible tragic thing to happen.
Cant get the little lads face out of my head, its proper upsetting me
Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day.
im not posting this because i feel sorry for myself, although i do, but i cant stop thinking about the little boy and his family, and how, i think ive got problems, but things could always be worse, just seems that no matter what you do to make your life better, in reality youve no control over anything , and kinda finding it hard to see the point in anything.
this is the closest ive felt to wanting to drink in all the time of my recovery, i know it wont help, and ive no intention of going on one, but just fell as if so what if i get wrecked, in the scheme of the world it makes f*** all difference to anything
im 15 mth in recovery at the 2nd attempt, generally doing fine, mainly problems with my own head than anything else.
struggling today,
As a family wen went for a walk Monday step kids, grnadkids etc, we went down this little lane to a like nature park type thing,
On the way down there was a car coming up the lane, it was a RS TURBO escort, immaculate, been refurbed by the look, this was a car i really wanted when i first started driving, its iconic, could never have a fforded one then.
A fella got out and started taking pics of it in the sun, in the front seat was a little lad, maybe 2, 3 yr old max, lovely little blonde lad with a little cloth cap on, kid looked happy just sat there while his dad took pics, remembered him cos he was such a pretty kid, looked a lot like my grandson, same little hat and stuff.
As we walked down the hill we got to the house entrance, long drive up to a nice bungalow, the little lad was walking along in the garden holding his grandmas hand smiling along.
Well yesterday afternoon saw something come up on news and it was the same road, remembered it as its such an odd street name,
When I read on, it didn’t say much other than police, loads of ambulances and Air ambulance.
Found out later on that the little lad had been killed in his driveway, hit by a car manoeuvring.
What a horrible tragic thing to happen.
Cant get the little lads face out of my head, its proper upsetting me
Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day.
im not posting this because i feel sorry for myself, although i do, but i cant stop thinking about the little boy and his family, and how, i think ive got problems, but things could always be worse, just seems that no matter what you do to make your life better, in reality youve no control over anything , and kinda finding it hard to see the point in anything.
this is the closest ive felt to wanting to drink in all the time of my recovery, i know it wont help, and ive no intention of going on one, but just fell as if so what if i get wrecked, in the scheme of the world it makes f*** all difference to anything
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi baddog,
That s a horrible experience to go through, I am sorry you had to witness it.
As you said this must be devastating for the boy's family, and while I think you are right that on the big scheme of things nothing really matters, if you were to drink you could end up causing the same sort of devastation for you and your own family, and generally speaking, if everyone starts acting under this sort of mentality (which I am not implying that you would at all), eventually this will reach the big scheme of things too.
You got some seriously amazing sober time under your belt, that s inspiring, thanks for posting.
Mr P
That s a horrible experience to go through, I am sorry you had to witness it.
As you said this must be devastating for the boy's family, and while I think you are right that on the big scheme of things nothing really matters, if you were to drink you could end up causing the same sort of devastation for you and your own family, and generally speaking, if everyone starts acting under this sort of mentality (which I am not implying that you would at all), eventually this will reach the big scheme of things too.
You got some seriously amazing sober time under your belt, that s inspiring, thanks for posting.
Mr P
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
so now youre a loving, caring and feeling child of God
you care and have empathy
when i was drinking i didnt care about anyone including myself
do you have a support group like aa?
God bless
you care and have empathy
when i was drinking i didnt care about anyone including myself
do you have a support group like aa?
God bless
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
That is such a terribly sad story and your connection to and feelings about the little boy are so evident. This is one of the many things in life that we just don't understand but have to try to accept. Prayers for the little boy's family.
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