kgr103110

It seems I keep feeling these deep "pangs" of sadness because:

- I'm not normal
- I've wasted my best years
- I've hurt family and friends
- I don't know what to DO besides stop drinking

It's a constant dull ache that sometimes becomes a "pang" if I think about something specific. Starts first thing in the morning. When will it stop?

Anna

Alcohol is a depressant, so if your depression is related to alcoholism, it should ease up with a few months. Is it possible that your depression existed before you began drinking? If so, you might consider talking to your dr about the problem.

It's hard to face the messes we've made and the hurt we've caused, and forgiveness is essential. You must begin to forgive yourself so that you can move on with your life.

january161992

hi kgr

God bless

i was born depressed

for me the depression is the problem

the little bit of alcohol/ drugs were the symptom

thankfully aa has tools to help me cope with life

tools like praying for people i resent

resentment being my #1 offender ... most likely thing to take me back to drinking

thomas11

Sorry you are feeling down. You will hear a lot about acceptance, and I think there is much truth in it. You can't change what has happened, but you can certainly control your future. People have short memories, they tend to forgive and forget (not everyone though). Maybe think about tackling one thing at a time, get some sober time and see if it lifts. If it does not, then address the depression issue.

Doug39

I don't know if it will ever stop. The thing to do is try to manage the depression and learn to live with it. Trying to get rid of it will only make you feel worse because you are dwelling on it.

NewRomanMan

Agreed. Sometimes all you can do is learn to live with it.

Dee74

It took me a while to forgive myself for past actions,. Volunteering. service work helped me a lot. It was harder for me to be down on myself when I was 'doing good'

I had to forgive myself in order that I could recover others forgiveness. That can take a while but as long as you stay in recovery you're on the right track.

sometimes it's not so much about doing as being...

I've also done more the last few years than I did in the 20 before that so wasted time doesn't really bother me anymore.

as for normal - normal is a cycle on a washing machine
all of us are wonderfully unique

D

least

I've been on antiD's for years, but when I was drinking, they did not work as they should. Now that I'm sober, the meds do their job and my depression is tolerable. It took me a few months of being sober before I felt the deep depression lifting. I had been so depressed for so long.

If the depression doesn't get better, would you consider seeing your doctor or a counselor? Meds and/or therapy can work wonders.

awuh1

I can't believe what I' reading here. Statements like "Trying to get rid of it (depression) will only make you feel worse because you are dwelling on it" and "Sometimes all you can do is learn to live with it". no No NO NO!

Depression is a highly treatable disorder. There are a huge number of successful interventions that include supportive psychotherapy, cognitive restructuring and medication. Depression needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional.

Listening to non professionals who tell someone who is already prone to hopelessness and inaction that they should not try to get rid of it (depression) is nothing short of dangerous.

finaltime

Hey I feel the exact same way when I have down time right now. I am only clean a few days though. And I know it lifts the more sober I get and the more action I take. I have pissed away thousands of dollars, have so much debt, and just overall feel blue right now. I also went at one time and told my dr and they put me on cymbalta. I took that for a year, no difference. With me its making moves that help build myself esteem, exercise, doing the next right thing.

Talking about it helps. Getting a sponsor and going to meetings also helps.

Hang in there. I feel that with everything 'this too shall pass'

Jim1958

I think I started to see my depression lift after about 6 months. I suffered from depression for years, and although drinking gave temporary relief in the end it made everything worse. Keep up the no drinking and see if your depression lifts. I feel better.

Doug39

I have been diagnosed with depression and I am on medications. I am also in therapy to learn how to cope with my depression. A people prone to get depressed can always fall back into it at any time - their is no "cure". It needs to be managed.

ABetterWay1

As someone who became quite familiar with anxiety and depression long before my first drink, I can tell you that I've been through two kinds of depression: one that is more existential (questioning yourself and your life choices, similar to what you described above); and clinical depression, which is an actual medical condition involving biochemistry. The two can intermingle, but they are also distinct.

If the depression seems to be brought on more by the regrets you have, that could be addressed by various types of therapy and perhaps trying to make amends. With time, it gets better. There's not necessarily a set timeframe, but it does fade.

If you think the problem is more medical in nature, i.e. involving chemical imbalances in the body and brain, psychiatric consultation can be immensely helpful, and therapy will likely be part of that as well. I've had both psychiatric and psychological services in the past, and they made a world of difference.

ABW1

awuh1

I think you need to speak for yourself Doug. Research indicates that individuals with a history of depression are somewhat more at risk for subsequent episodes, but there are countless examples of depression that turned out to be single one time occurrences. To state that there is not a "cure" is quite misleading and implies that depression generally is a chronic condition. This is blatantly false. Many who have suffered from depression are completely free of it and require no ongoing treatment.

ABetterWay1

There seem to be kernels of truth in many of the responses here, despite the differences in perspective. It can be complicated, especially with alcohol in the mix, so maybe the crux of the matter is that it's always a good idea to seek some kind of formal consultation to see what the nature of the problem is, and look at possibilities for treatment. Whether there is a cure or not, there is always hope.

kgr103110

I appreciate all the responses.

As far as seeking treatment, I'd rather not be medicated unless I have to be.

I'm hoping it's a withdrawal thing and will lift with continued sobriety. If not, I'm prepared to seek professional help.

I'm planning to go to an AA meeting next week. I called today and spoke to someone on their local line. I wrote it on my calendar and will be really disappointed with myself if I don't follow through.

Last night I was reading through the thread "you know you're an active alcoholic if..." and was mortified by how many items I could relate to. It's time to stop rationalizing, which is how I've always managed to talk myself out of going to a meeting ("you're not REALLY an alcoholic... you won't belong there").

It's all about that ego.

Thanks everyone.

Doug39

I went to my first AA meeting yesterday.

I had a lot of anxiety about going; I even drove past the meeting place 15 minutes before the meeting time and said F this. I then turned around, parked, went in and sat down.

I was really nervous but at least 10 people walked up to me, shook my hand and introduced themselves. I am glad I went.

I plan to go to 2 meetings tomorrow.

BrendaChenowyth

No one is. Or everyone is. 7.5 billion people on this earth, we ain't all unique snowflakes. More likely, we're all pretty much the same.
What does this even mean? If you didn't live them well, then they weren't your best years, the best years are the ones ahead of you, because you can still live them well.
So has everybody else.
I'm interpreting this as boredom but I could be wrong.

BrendaChenowyth

This made me chuckle. I was born depressed, too.

My mom had a long labor with me and did not know I was going to be a girl. So the joke when I finally decided to show was that I just had to finish putting on my makeup. However I have always hated wearing makeup. I think I simply didn't feel like moving because I knew it was all downhill from there. The same sentiment is the reason why to this day I love sleeping in as late as I can.. I know that is the best I'm going to feel all day.

Funny I should write this today, because I have just broken out of a little bout of depression. I'm actually in a fantastic mood tonight. I know that because I laughed way loudly at stupid sitcoms tonight.

Hang in there, kgr. We all go through these patches in early sobriety but it's temporary.

Outonthetiles

I really like this answer.