Made the decision to relapse on Day 7
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 69
Made the decision to relapse on Day 7
First day of my withdrawal sucked, but I made it work eating and drinking plenty of water, Benadryl and melatonin at night, damn the last few nights I got very decent sleep. I've been feeling good symptom wise recently, and have only had to use OTC meds for the insomnia.
Come today, super pumped, for orientation 3 weeks before the start of the school program. The main reason to sober up a week before I start a school program I've been doing pre-reqs and suggested reqs for the last couple years. Took a drug test and background check last month. Passed drug test easy, as for the background check I passed the campus standards.
So I sit in orientation and hear about an entire new set of things we need to do and get done in the next few weeks, very pumped and excited, more so then before because I'm here. Well four hours into orientation, I was called out of the classroom with 2 others.
We are told we cannot be accepted to the program because a facility they work with needs a completely clear background, and that we would have to expunge our criminal records ( a dui, and 2x driving suspended license after). I was shocked because these records were NOT on their list on no-go's, I sincerely thought I was good by their standards. They said to expunge and reapply fall which we'll get in because we are Vets (ironic the only 3 with any record are veterans). I was on my way to tears by kept my composure and said okay, understood. We made our way back into the classroom to grab our stuff and leave mid orientation. I stayed a couple minutes extra explaining to a few friends and fellow past classmates why I'm leaving. Eh the walk of shame.
Walking from campus to the bus stop I initially told myself to go home quickly and get busy, don't drink. Close to the way to the bus stop I started thinking, what's the point, as long as I don't get back to my old habits. I'm for sure going to be working a lil above minimum full time till Fall this year, assuming I can get those things expunged.
Im drinking today and hoping to forget all the pain I felt today after believing I was actually in the program, to find out later I'm postponed 8 months, and won't know anyone when I start. I plan to continue with sobriety but not sure if I care about total sobriety anymore at the time being as there is no need as long as I don't get like before.
I've felt hesitant to comment on other posts on initial sobriety because I didn't have any temptation to drink the last 7 days because I knew I was starting this program and non stop class and study. I had a previous addiction for a couple years after service to meth, but I kicked the habit overnight for an ex. I've noticed it takes something beyond myself to get me to stop cold turkey and never look back, but in this case once it's gone I don't care as much.
I do care, just not so much. I've established eating, hydration and sleeping patterns which i haven't had in a couple years and have come to cherish. I can call it starting at day 1 again tomorrow but I won't. I never cared about it that way besides comparing withdrawal symptoms. As long as I'm outta that potential I feel safe health and sanity wise. Whether I decide to just drink today or again tomorrow, I know I have work mornings fri-sun for sure and will soberly go about how I have been each evening and night before. Try my best to end it at 1 or 2 days, and deal with my dreams being crushed and move on and work and plan for fall. So many of you have families and informed my friends, coworkers and boss I'd be leaving end of the month for school but well that's changed.
More negatives then I can count. Only positives of this are save a little more money for school and get my license back prior.
Come today, super pumped, for orientation 3 weeks before the start of the school program. The main reason to sober up a week before I start a school program I've been doing pre-reqs and suggested reqs for the last couple years. Took a drug test and background check last month. Passed drug test easy, as for the background check I passed the campus standards.
So I sit in orientation and hear about an entire new set of things we need to do and get done in the next few weeks, very pumped and excited, more so then before because I'm here. Well four hours into orientation, I was called out of the classroom with 2 others.
We are told we cannot be accepted to the program because a facility they work with needs a completely clear background, and that we would have to expunge our criminal records ( a dui, and 2x driving suspended license after). I was shocked because these records were NOT on their list on no-go's, I sincerely thought I was good by their standards. They said to expunge and reapply fall which we'll get in because we are Vets (ironic the only 3 with any record are veterans). I was on my way to tears by kept my composure and said okay, understood. We made our way back into the classroom to grab our stuff and leave mid orientation. I stayed a couple minutes extra explaining to a few friends and fellow past classmates why I'm leaving. Eh the walk of shame.
Walking from campus to the bus stop I initially told myself to go home quickly and get busy, don't drink. Close to the way to the bus stop I started thinking, what's the point, as long as I don't get back to my old habits. I'm for sure going to be working a lil above minimum full time till Fall this year, assuming I can get those things expunged.
Im drinking today and hoping to forget all the pain I felt today after believing I was actually in the program, to find out later I'm postponed 8 months, and won't know anyone when I start. I plan to continue with sobriety but not sure if I care about total sobriety anymore at the time being as there is no need as long as I don't get like before.
I've felt hesitant to comment on other posts on initial sobriety because I didn't have any temptation to drink the last 7 days because I knew I was starting this program and non stop class and study. I had a previous addiction for a couple years after service to meth, but I kicked the habit overnight for an ex. I've noticed it takes something beyond myself to get me to stop cold turkey and never look back, but in this case once it's gone I don't care as much.
I do care, just not so much. I've established eating, hydration and sleeping patterns which i haven't had in a couple years and have come to cherish. I can call it starting at day 1 again tomorrow but I won't. I never cared about it that way besides comparing withdrawal symptoms. As long as I'm outta that potential I feel safe health and sanity wise. Whether I decide to just drink today or again tomorrow, I know I have work mornings fri-sun for sure and will soberly go about how I have been each evening and night before. Try my best to end it at 1 or 2 days, and deal with my dreams being crushed and move on and work and plan for fall. So many of you have families and informed my friends, coworkers and boss I'd be leaving end of the month for school but well that's changed.
More negatives then I can count. Only positives of this are save a little more money for school and get my license back prior.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, you've thrown in the towel, then? Because saying you're not going to get as bad as before is something we have all said. If you have a problem with alcohol, I would say get that straightened out before it gets so bad that you'll need help to stop. Moderating has been shown not to work in the past, right?
It's just a matter of time.
I think you owe yourself a much better life than the one that is ahead if you go back to drinking. I hope you change your mind. Nothing good lies in the bottom of the bottle.
It's just a matter of time.
I think you owe yourself a much better life than the one that is ahead if you go back to drinking. I hope you change your mind. Nothing good lies in the bottom of the bottle.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
So...you had a major disappointment and IMO they should have figured out a way to handle it long before you got to orientation, so shame on them.
But if I'm interpreting this correctly, the response you're choosing to having your drinking past come back to bite you is to...drink?
This is playing with fire. What if you get a DUI or a D&D now? It will destroy those plans you have completely instead of temporarily, right?
I get it, most of us here would, but all this is doing is opening the door wide open to your addictions and for what, an evening of self-pity and a hangover?
Please stop and dump it. No good will come of this.
But if I'm interpreting this correctly, the response you're choosing to having your drinking past come back to bite you is to...drink?
This is playing with fire. What if you get a DUI or a D&D now? It will destroy those plans you have completely instead of temporarily, right?
I get it, most of us here would, but all this is doing is opening the door wide open to your addictions and for what, an evening of self-pity and a hangover?
Please stop and dump it. No good will come of this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I'm sorry this happened and the school should be ashamed of the way they have proceeded.
That said, if you believe you can control your drinking and carry on till the Fall, I think that is just a dream. Alcoholics can't control their drinking and you are in a position where you could be charged again and be in a worse mess.
I hope you stop drinking and work on getting back into your school program.
That said, if you believe you can control your drinking and carry on till the Fall, I think that is just a dream. Alcoholics can't control their drinking and you are in a position where you could be charged again and be in a worse mess.
I hope you stop drinking and work on getting back into your school program.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
You need to check if your state allows for expungement of DUI charges. Some will not allow it, others will only allow it after enough time has passed. You can probably check for yourself online, but given what is at stake, an expungement attorney may be worth the small fee.
I'm sorry that you are going through this, but getting drunk is not going to help. You risk getting much worse, and there may be other schools that don't require a background check.
The nursing board will have a problem with the DUI, but will probably overlook it if enough time has elapsed, and you can explain that you quit drinking, and that it won't happen again, so you don't want any more alcohol or drug charges.
Do your homework on these things. How long ago was your DUI? I assume you were convicted if you were also charged with driving on a suspended license?
I'm sorry that you are going through this, but getting drunk is not going to help. You risk getting much worse, and there may be other schools that don't require a background check.
The nursing board will have a problem with the DUI, but will probably overlook it if enough time has elapsed, and you can explain that you quit drinking, and that it won't happen again, so you don't want any more alcohol or drug charges.
Do your homework on these things. How long ago was your DUI? I assume you were convicted if you were also charged with driving on a suspended license?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 94
I'm very sorry you had that happen to you today. Really, really bad idea to resume drinking, however. You know you have a problem with alcohol, and that is why you are in this situation today. You also know moderation is not an option.
Please don't do it.
Please don't do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Sonkien,
What happened to you is definitely not nice and you have a good reason for feeling disappointed.
That said unfortunately this is life. Stuff happens and sometimes we're not in control, but by drinking you are avoiding the problem instead of dealing with it.
You can tell yourself that you might as well drink since it ll be 8 months and you won't know anyone. But the truth is that if you stay sober for the next 8 months when the time comes you will start with a super clear head and a positive attitude, which I can almost guarantee you won't be the case if you try moderation.
Stay strong, new day tomorrow, don't let a bump become a mountain, you are in control.
P
What happened to you is definitely not nice and you have a good reason for feeling disappointed.
That said unfortunately this is life. Stuff happens and sometimes we're not in control, but by drinking you are avoiding the problem instead of dealing with it.
You can tell yourself that you might as well drink since it ll be 8 months and you won't know anyone. But the truth is that if you stay sober for the next 8 months when the time comes you will start with a super clear head and a positive attitude, which I can almost guarantee you won't be the case if you try moderation.
Stay strong, new day tomorrow, don't let a bump become a mountain, you are in control.
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 69
It feels like I tried so hard, beyond the alcohol, I really tried. And to fail after doing everything I thought was right was just devastating. The two classes I took last semester I got A's in, one of which top in class
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
I understand your pain, sonkien, but the reality is that we live in a time of neo-prohibition. Despite the stories from people on TV about rehab, or from people in recovery about being grateful, the world is actually merciless towards addicted people.
You simply cannot afford to be addicted, not if you wish to avoid more suffering, and to get ahead in life. Quit drinking and using drugs now, and forever. You feel pain because of this setback, but you cannot imagine the pain that lies ahead if you continue with addiction.
Do not give up.
You simply cannot afford to be addicted, not if you wish to avoid more suffering, and to get ahead in life. Quit drinking and using drugs now, and forever. You feel pain because of this setback, but you cannot imagine the pain that lies ahead if you continue with addiction.
Do not give up.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
I understand you feel devastated, but drinking isn't a solution....it's what got you in this mess to begin with.
You've got time to save more money and prepare for the class...keep your eye on the big picture
You've got time to save more money and prepare for the class...keep your eye on the big picture
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Hey, as I've posted before, my police record has impacted my academic career too. I'm a straight A student, but very limited as far as career choices go because I got arrested a bunch of times for drunk BS I did over the course of 3 years. It sucks, I totally understand. Just a few days ago I was feeling hopeless again while applying for college because they require a totally clear background check as well. I just decided to take my studies in a different direction and switched programs. Not ideal, but I'm happy with the changes under the circumstances.
I hope you figure something out.
I hope you figure something out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you're assuming that whatever you try will automatically assure success. it doesn't work that way. life is a series of stops and starts. the Big Book says ".....and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".
notice it doesn't say, we'll see you as we all skip along the 24k gold path with rainbows and unicorns.
stay sober, keep trudging.
notice it doesn't say, we'll see you as we all skip along the 24k gold path with rainbows and unicorns.
stay sober, keep trudging.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
thing is, sonkien, that you went to the old default instead of trying anything else, and that this seems alright with you. is it?
when I was desperate to quit, it had a lot to do with not wanting to be "like that" anymore, reacting by getting smashed to difficulties, real or perceived.
as you say yourself, you seem motivated by external requirements, without any clear desire to be sober for its own sake.
maybe you really don't care about sobriety itself but see it solely as temporary means to an end?
to fail after doing everything you thought was right....yes. you did the right things and didn't get the hoped for result. one of my sisters has done everything right all her life: eat right, exercise, fulfilling career, happy marriage, breast fed her kids, doing yoga, never dank or smoked, did no drugs.....and got breast cancer.
oddly, she is not saying " screw this!" and diving into bottles or bags of junk food, eating bonbons on the couch.
I'm saying 'oddly', because that's what I'm hearing you using as your reasoning: that when the expected result doesn't materialize, might as well stop doing what's right.
you made a decision, you say. you can make a different one. You interested in doing that?
when I was desperate to quit, it had a lot to do with not wanting to be "like that" anymore, reacting by getting smashed to difficulties, real or perceived.
as you say yourself, you seem motivated by external requirements, without any clear desire to be sober for its own sake.
maybe you really don't care about sobriety itself but see it solely as temporary means to an end?
to fail after doing everything you thought was right....yes. you did the right things and didn't get the hoped for result. one of my sisters has done everything right all her life: eat right, exercise, fulfilling career, happy marriage, breast fed her kids, doing yoga, never dank or smoked, did no drugs.....and got breast cancer.
oddly, she is not saying " screw this!" and diving into bottles or bags of junk food, eating bonbons on the couch.
I'm saying 'oddly', because that's what I'm hearing you using as your reasoning: that when the expected result doesn't materialize, might as well stop doing what's right.
you made a decision, you say. you can make a different one. You interested in doing that?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I just want to say that I agree with the posts which have been made in response to your thread, Sonkien, and particularly agree that the school should be ashamed of its conduct here. But drinking about it will make it far worse. Alcohol is bigger than all the rest, bigger than you, bigger than your career. Unless you give it up completely it will make you desperately unhappy and eventually it will kill you. Before it does that others may be killed (such as in DUI's). It's like the fellow who, finding himself in a hole, got a shovel and dug himself in deeper. If he kept digging he would find himself in hell.
It's very, very serious. Sobriety should be your very first priority. Expunging the DUI's, convictions, etc. is all very well but without sobriety coming first, hopefully sobriety with no further relapses, you are playing with fire and the results are likely to be disastrous. We are here-with you always. Please keep posting and get all the help you need.
W.
It's very, very serious. Sobriety should be your very first priority. Expunging the DUI's, convictions, etc. is all very well but without sobriety coming first, hopefully sobriety with no further relapses, you are playing with fire and the results are likely to be disastrous. We are here-with you always. Please keep posting and get all the help you need.
W.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Sorry to hear the way things turned this way. But returning to drinking can only make things worse, not to mention it can't make this 'unbad'.
Work on clearing up your record for the fall, drinking can only endanger your record going forward. Take full advantage of your employment opportunity, drinking can only complicate job responsibilities.
Maybe fill your time with taking some courses between now and the fall?
Work on clearing up your record for the fall, drinking can only endanger your record going forward. Take full advantage of your employment opportunity, drinking can only complicate job responsibilities.
Maybe fill your time with taking some courses between now and the fall?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
Hi Sonkien,
I am sorry that happened today, and completely understand why you felt frustrated. However, drinking again cannot do anything except make the situation worse.
Tomorrow spend some time looking into what expungement would take, and if needed use some of the money you saved for school to pay a lawyer.
If you are unable to get things expunged talk to a counselor at the school to look at other program options, or possibly different schools. Your journey to get where you want to be may just need to be a little different than originally planned.
I am sorry that happened today, and completely understand why you felt frustrated. However, drinking again cannot do anything except make the situation worse.
Tomorrow spend some time looking into what expungement would take, and if needed use some of the money you saved for school to pay a lawyer.
If you are unable to get things expunged talk to a counselor at the school to look at other program options, or possibly different schools. Your journey to get where you want to be may just need to be a little different than originally planned.
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