uncorked

As many of you know, I spent 7 weeks in rehab from Oct-Dec 2015. My husband had filed for divorce and took temporary full custody of our then 9 yr old son. I have been sober since I left rehab and am very proud of my accomplishment.

My ex stopped paying alimony in Dec and since then I have been struggling a lot financially. I'm 53, have been a stay at home mom for 15 yrs and am having difficulty finding a job and re-entering the work force, much less find one that offers a living wage.

My ex, on the other hand, is a multi-millionaire. He owns a car dealership and several other businesses/real estate. I stupidly signed a prenup so I get nothing besides child support.

I have been a little short-tempered recently because of my financial situation and frustration at not being able to find work. He is refusing to pay for things like a school uniform for our son to keep at my place. (The ex HAD to send him to this private school and their uniforms are very pricey.) My irritation has showed, and that's why he is accusing me of drinking! He says I'm being "passive aggressive" and told me to "get help" with my drinking.

You can imagine how much this pisses me off!! I have put a lot of determination and effort into staying sober. He wields my sobriety like a poker chip in a game over custody of our son. We have 50/50 shared/joint legal custody. I have never been court ordered to take a sobriety test, breathalyzer, whatever....but I told him last night he is welcome to come over anytime with a breathalyzer.

He is a major control freak and doesn't like anyone calling him out on things. I tend to try and get along and keep the peace. However, I'm stressed out financially and a bit pissy that he is being so cavalier about it, given his $2 million+ salary, so I haven't been as cooperative with him (read: giving in) as usual. He also tempts my son with nfl/college bowl games/basketball/play tickets -- things I can't afford -- on my days.

Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading.

BrendaChenowyth

He sounds like quite the narcissist. Nothing you can do to get people like that to see that the world doesn't revolve around them.

entropy1964

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think you need an attorney. I don't know where you live but a lot of US states require spousal support. If you haven't worked in 15 years that would seem reasonable. I know the state I live in doesn't require spousal. Anyway, maybe you have some rights you aren't aware of.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time with your ex Uncorked. I'd try and step back for a moment if you can and look at the facts. You know you aren't drinking and you could prove it if you needed too, so I'd just ignore his accusations that you are drinking.

Is he legally obligated to pay alimony? If he is and he simply quit doing it you most likely need to speak with his attorney or get social services involved.

Keep your chin up, you are doing a great job by being sober and at this point that's the best thing you can do and you should be proud of it.

uncorked

Thanks. I do have a good attorney. Unfortunately, I live in a good ole' boy parish/state and getting alimony beyond a year is almost unheard of. My lawyer has looked at the prenup every which way to see if there is a loophole, but there isn't. Despite the fact that I signed it on the way to the airport to our Vegas wedding and I didn't have an attorney look at it because it was days after Katrina and none were around. My fault.

uncorked

You nailed it.

Optimist4ever57

I am so troubled by parents who use the children as pawns after a divorce. My daughter did the same thing with my grandsons during and after her divorce. She too is a narcissist and as Brenda said, there's nothing you can do.

Continue to do the right thing, Uncorked. I truly believe that we reap the fruit of our actions, good or bad.

Hugs...