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Day 4 and cautiously optimistic

Old 01-04-2017, 08:58 AM
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Day 4 and cautiously optimistic

So far I haven't been sleeping much but that's to be expected.

For the past 12 years I have been a heavy drinker, the past 5 practically daily. My friends are all heavy drinkers as well, which is why i thought this forum may be a good place. My BF can also be a heavy drinker at times, but unlike me he can also enjoy nights off or just 1 or 2 beers. I open a bottle of wine and damnit i'm finishing it....and just one bottle is a good night.

I would say my MAJOR motivation is my health. I've been telling myself for years that i'm too young for any serious problems, but to be honest I know that's not true and simply a reassuring lie i keep telling myself.

Another major motivation for me is my future – ambition wise. I feel like i've been self sabotaging myself for over a decade. It's like i'm completely misrepresenting myself either through words or actions when i'm drunk or hungover....Constantly giving 20% if that...and so I drink again to forget that fact.

I constantly see this inspirational post online " She designed the life she loved" and it makes me sad cause I truly believe if I don't stop it'll read "She drank the life she hated".

I simply don't want to waste my talent and time on this earth.

I guess that's all.

Thanks for taking the time to read
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Old 01-04-2017, 09:07 AM
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Thanks for posting. I hated my life for the 23 years I drank. The past few days have been a welcoming calm for me--I'm trying to embrace it, and so should you.

Keep posting and sharing. We are all in this together.
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Old 01-04-2017, 09:20 AM
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Hello lna and congratulations on 4 days! I am at 4 days myself and have a similar story to yours. Looking forward to sharing this journey with you.
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Old 01-04-2017, 09:30 AM
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Hi Ina123! Welcome! I loved your quotes...very inspirational!
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Old 01-04-2017, 11:14 AM
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Cautiously optimistic

"Cautiously optimistic" seems wise to me. When I first started trying to quit drinking, I was a bit too much in the land of "everything is great, woo-hoo!" In retrospect I think I was trying to run from the not-so-great sides of recovery, like early recovery symptoms, worrying about my health and so forth. Ironically, the land of "everything is great" was exhausting for me and I went back to drinking.

Nowadays, I'm a grateful realist. Much more helpful for sustained sobriety. Seems a bit like your cautious optimism. Congratulations on your good work! AND, for your smarts to think through where you are with all of this at the same time.
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Old 01-04-2017, 11:15 AM
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I think it's a good thing to stay cautious this alcoholism can sneak up on us I do not trust the man in the mirror very much it's kept me sober for 9 years.

M-Bob
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Old 01-04-2017, 11:29 AM
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Hi Ina and welcome. You sound like a very self-aware person. Coming here and posting is a huge step for many. Stick around and you'll find a lot of support and success stories. I can totally relate to drinking sabotaging ambition and motivation. I always felt like crap the next day. I didn't even realize how crappy I felt until I got sober! :-)
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Old 01-04-2017, 12:44 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Ina!!
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Old 01-04-2017, 02:33 PM
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Welcome! Good job on quitting. Keep going- look into the Class of Jan thread under Newcomers' Daily Support. People who start this month. You can do it!
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Old 01-04-2017, 04:20 PM
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You can do it his Ina! Nothing wrong with being cautious and I'd use the optimism to build a solid recovery plan, it has made and is making all the difference to me.

P
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