I find it funny....

Old 10-09-2004, 06:07 PM
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I find it funny....

that my AH can stay relativly sober for the OW...but could not stay sober to go get new matresses for his daughters or go to the pool with the family for a couple of hours.

How can they "control" it sometimes..when their "stability" is at risk but not for whats really important? I know he is searching for a new caretaker...but it just amazes me how much control he has now...compared to when we were a family..or trying to be a family.

I can tell when he has been with OW...he stays out all night..but comes home within his tolerance level...but could not do that at home..or when he was out before I told him that I was leaving him. I don't get it..it just causes me to think again..that the problem is MORE mine than his or that I cause it...but I KNOW deep down inside...but times like this..its hard to fight that feeling.

Since we are still living in the same house..he called last night to say he was staying at his buddys house..to drunk to drive...maybe..but he was whispering..and he was more drunk 3 nights ago..when I know he was there and he drove home...so when he got home this morning..he tried to play the "hangover" roll..but I did not buy it..I have seen him hurting..he was faking..tonight he is on his way to his "buddy's house" again...all dressed up..Does he really think I am an IDIOT!!

I am no longer looking for the PROOF of what I know..I haven't been wrong yet..so I am just trusting my own instincts...He still asks me.."are you sure you want to leave" YES...

thanks for listening
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Old 10-09-2004, 06:59 PM
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I feel for you....that is a terrible situation. Even if he doesn't have the OW he is an alcoholic and you deserve a sober man!
I am a GREAT mom and GREAT wife and my husband left me for the OW. I have gone thru the hurt and anger, now I just think HE is the one who is missing out. I am a great woman and I deserve to find the man who will love and treat me like I deserve.
This guy is an addict that needs help, and may NEVER get it. You are not responsible for that, but you are responsible for your happiness. Once we are healthy inside the other decisions get much much easier!
Good luck to you,
Di
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Old 10-09-2004, 07:19 PM
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Skyleh; He may be controlling his drinking for the OW now, but wait till the relationship gets a little longer. Once he has more time in this, his true colours will show.
Just think, then she will be the one in your shoes now. I know its not much comfort for you now, but you do deserve better, and whatever you do don't blame yourself!
A woman once told me during my separation that the best revenge on a husband is to thrive, be happy, and take care of ourselves emotionally and physically. Turned out to be true. When I started dating a man 2 years after leaving my husband of 20 years, it destroyed him, even though he had his OW or a couple OW's at the time.
Take care of yourself, you're worth it.
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Old 10-09-2004, 08:29 PM
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I feel for you, too ... the selfish, self-seeking behaviors of the alcoholic are brutal when you're at the receiving end. I'm sorry. Have faith in yourself and know it's not your fault .. it's his sick, twisted alcoholic mind.
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Old 10-09-2004, 10:42 PM
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[QUOTE=lonlion]Skyleh; He may be controlling his drinking for the OW now, but wait till the relationship gets a little longer. Once he has more time in this, his true colours will show.
Just think, then she will be the one in your shoes now. I know its not much comfort for you now, but you do deserve better, and whatever you do don't blame yourself!

Take care of yourself, you're worth it.[/QUOTE

I totally agree with this-Sky when I first met my A he controlled his drinking and I was clueless to just how bad it really was. Most A's are good at that! Good at the blame game too!- I'm not one to give advice right now as I'm going through issues as I left him 2 weeks almost ago. Please take care of yourself! (((Hugs)))
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Old 10-11-2004, 06:19 AM
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Thanks everyone....
yesterday morning he got home at 5:30 am...after staying at the "buddy's" house all night...I found why he seem so sober...and was able to control his drinking...I was doing laundry..yeah I am still washing his clothes..cleaning our house..taking care of him...anyway his POT tool feel out of his pants...so he is smoking pot so that he does not NEED to drink..I think he is really progressing with this disease..he used to be able to "control" his drinking without the use of POt..that has really gotten worse this time...he has really seemed to progress..scary.... I know I am better of..it is just so tough being in this house with him.....13 more days...

Thanks everyone for the support.
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Old 10-11-2004, 09:06 AM
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I don't have a lot of time to respond as I'm home on my lunch break.....but I want you to know that I feel for you so badly! Affairs hurt, regardless of the circumstances. Whether it be a one night stand or ongoing affair, I know the devastation that it causes.
I think, though, that you would benefit from taking the focus off of your A. As you still are or you wouldn't be thinking so much about how he's trying to be "good" for the OW.
You know what - his affair is not about you. It has nothing to do with you. Affairs happen for many reasons, but it's always the cheaters choice to do as they are. And when it comes right down to it, I don't believe that any addicts are truly happy. It doesn't matter who they are with - they have a void in themselves that they continuously try to fill. And sadly, they are trying to fill that void with the wrong things.
I am so sorry that you are going all of this. I don't know how you can do it. I am amazed at some of the things that we go through for our spouses and the love we have for them.
But please, work on you. I truly believe that you deserve better than this - and I think deep down in your heart, you know that as well.

Sending lots of (((hugs))) your way.
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