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First Big Test: Pretty Scared

Old 01-03-2017, 02:28 AM
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First Big Test: Pretty Scared

So today's my first big test of how well I'm really going to be at this: I'm going back to work today after the holiday. I started being sober on the first day of my holiday (I had been planning to drink through most of it and suddenly realised this would probably kill me).

So far I've managed mostly on my own and on this forum for 2 weeks and 2 days: I'm worried I may not get to three weeks but will see. Not sure how I'm going to cope when my stress get's pushed right back up and particularly part of my habit was drinking after getting home from work.

I'm concerned I will snap back into my normal routine and lose all the progress I have made with the added knowledge of just how bad this problem has got and will get.

Yesterday I went to my first "AA" meeting, was more stressful than I expected, much more difficult to talk in front of people and the meeting was quite hard to follow. I think the main speaker had not prepared or did not expect to speak and gave a rambling talk about their family problems that didn't seem to link to anything they were said they were addressing at the start. I got a couple of phone numbers of people and they were welcoming, I don't know what else I expected really.

Hopefully I will post later today or tomorrow when I get through today, then the next big hurdle will be making it through Friday evening (another trigger). If I don't post it probably means I failed and am to embaressed to come back on. If that happens I hope I get another try.
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Old 01-03-2017, 02:36 AM
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Make sure you don't snap back into your old routine

you've left it late...but not too late - think of other ways you can reduce your stress, other things to do after work, ways to vary your evening routine.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html

Think about support too - do you need more? How can you utilise the support you have most effectively?

There's no real mystery to staying sober - just some elbow grease and a commitment to change.

No need to be scared - you absolutely will get the result you want if you work for it
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Old 01-03-2017, 04:31 AM
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Why not head to another meeting after work to break your old routine?

Different meetings are... different. If you go to one tonight, even if some of the faces are the same and it's in the same room , chances are it'll have a very different vibe to last night's.
Please, don't feel under any pressure to speak at meetings while you find details your feet. That isn't necessary at all. When people do a main share, they should be sharing their experiences, strength and hope. Sometimes that might sound like them talking about their current problems and how they're using the principles of the program to get through this phase of their recovery. We're not encouraged to prepare as such for doing a share. It's not a lesson or a lecture. Even if we do prepare a bit, what actually ends up coming out isn't what we prepared anyway. As long as we're honest. Maybe that's just what the guy needed to share at the time. The holidays and New Year often leave people a little rattled. Anyway. All shares are different and you've heard that one now, so won't be hearing it again eh.
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Old 01-03-2017, 04:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Unwound View Post
Not sure how I'm going to cope when my stress get's pushed right back up and particularly part of my habit was drinking after getting home from work.
This is where making a plan is the most helpful. It doesn't even have to be complex. In fact, the simpler the better IMO.

When I feel like drinking after work I will __________ instead.

Fill in the blank with anything of your choosing. Then you have a plan. You're not scrambling in reactive mode when the urge to drink hits. You're proactive. You know it's coming and you know what you're going to do.

I found my best defense was to go on offense and plan my response in advance. I knew the urge was coming, but I also knew what I was going to do about it. I found it very comforting.

You can do this!
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Old 01-03-2017, 06:14 AM
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Old 01-03-2017, 06:25 AM
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Call or text your new contacts from the fellowship often and go to meetings - set a time to have coffee Friday or plan something else. Don't not drink alone was a motto I lived by in those first months.

You can do this if it's your number one priority.
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Old 01-03-2017, 07:30 AM
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Whilst it's great to be concerned about work and really important to have a plan I think you are doing yourself down. You have been sober for over two weeks through Christmas and new year, very difficult times. If you can get through those you have the strength to get through going back to work. Make a plan, dig deep and you can do this.
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Old 01-03-2017, 07:53 AM
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Lots of good advice here. Congratulations on 2 weeks and 2 days of sobriety! You can choose to continue your sober life by making plans to deal with stress, to do different things after work and to plan for Friday nights. It takes work, but it will be worth it.
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Old 01-03-2017, 08:00 AM
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The hardest part about quitting for me, in the beginning, was breaking the long ingrained habit of having a drink at the end of the work day. I powered through. I didn't stop at the stores I would normally stop at. I stayed linked to SR during all my free time, posting and reading and reading and posting. I attended AA meetings and found a rhythm as to which meetings I liked best and stuck with those. I had to establish a new routine.

Even if you find that AA is not for you, try to attend meetings now, at the end of your day, to break the habit of drinking to relieve the stress. I also found it crucial that if I made plans, even in my head, that I followed through no matter what. Really cold outside with a foot of snow? Get to a meeting. Bed seems really comfy warm and I'm tired? Get to a meeting. Any plan that you have that doesn't involve alcohol, follow through. Coffee with friends? Make sure you get there.

Keep the plan simple but think ahead. I like Non's suggestion of filling in the blank.

Good job on two plus weeks. You can do this.
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Old 01-03-2017, 08:38 AM
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You've gotten some really good advice so far.

I would add that your thoughts of drinking are just thoughts. I still think about drinking now and then. There is no way that is going to go away completely - it was a huge part of my life and I drank for everything everyday. I had lots of associations to break. The longer I've done it, the easier it is and the further apart are these thoughts.

The thoughts can't hurt you. But don't dwell on them. As soon as I get a thought of drinking, I say, "I don't drink." I have to shut that down and move on to something else. It is allowing that thought to percolate which is where people get in trouble. Ruminate about something good or useful instead. Even just work a crossword or Sudoku puzzle.

I had some material memorized that I would start reciting in my head in the early days. Mine was a prayer, but you can memorize and list your old teachers, all of your past addresses, phone numbers, poetry. I also used to start listing in my head all the usernames on this forum. Then I would say, "Every one of them would tell me I don't drink."
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Old 01-03-2017, 08:52 AM
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Bim said it - "thoughts are just thoughts." I still have thoughts of drinking sometimes. I was at a small New Year's gathering on Saturday night. I was watching other people drink and got a bit wistful. I was thinking things like "I wish I could do that." And "just one little taste of champagne would be so nice." But I played the tape forward, remembered where that "one little taste" would probably lead, and banished the thoughts within a few minutes. It was pretty uncomfortable for a few minutes, but I got through it and I had fun without alcohol. Thoughts can't hurt you. Figure out how to deal with the drinking thoughts, because you will have them. Just remember how awful you would feel if you drank, or think of a time when you did something you regretted when you drank, and you can get past it. Change up your routine - do something else at the times when you used to drink. Distract yourself. Try different meetings. Go for a walk after work. Set up meetings with sober friends for coffee or whatever. Lots of things you can do that will help you break that pattern.
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Old 01-03-2017, 11:54 AM
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Congrats on over 2 weeks of sobriety
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Old 01-03-2017, 12:12 PM
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Hey Unwound. How did you get on with the end of your day today?
Hope it's going okay.

BB
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Old 01-03-2017, 01:41 PM
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Wasn't as bad as I thought, thanks for all the helpful comments, worst bit was driving home and a couple of hours while I was making dinner and everyone else was still out. Just kept myself busy and I was ok. I was worried that I would just lose control and find myself drinking but I think I have to colaborate more with it than that.

Anyway made it through today, if I can get Friday out of the way and still ok I feel I have a real chance of making this work.

Peace and love to everyone.
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