One Year Today
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ninja Camp
Posts: 495
One Year Today
I have been sober for a year today.
I tried so, so many times. Countless sober dates. I thought if I started on a holiday I could use the symbolism as motivation. Something like " I'll get sober on Valentines Day and whenever I see the little red hearts it will remind me", so forth and so on. I hit EVERY holiday, many more than one time. To the point that I started researching the lesser known holidays. Did you know Jamaican Independence Day is August 6?
Please hear that it does get easier as time goes on. I didn't hear that or didn't believe it, but it does. The intense fight with yourself when you start, where you are using everything in your power, won't last forever. It doesn't get easier overnight and not in a few weeks. It is different for everyone but slowly some peace will start to come.
I understand the constant, constant life revolving energy it takes to be an alcoholic. To hide it, to lie about it, to scheme about it, to make sure you have "enough" to get through a situation. How your thoughts build your entire existence around alcohol. My life was consumed on every level.
You CAN get it to stop. I reiterate that because I failed so many times. I would string days, weeks and months together and then drink. I didn't believe the cravings would ever leave ME. Sure, they might leave other people on SR but I didn't have the strength or determination or whatever it was that these successful people had. If you are reading this, there isn't anything wrong with YOU. No matter how many times you started over in the past. I started over countless times . I had a hundred false starts, but I am doing this now.
My own experience made me realize you shouldn't compare yourself. I read posts about people losing weight, starting to run, getting new jobs. Accomplishing so many things. None of that happened for me the first few months. My own comparisons made me feel like I wasn't doing enough or wasn't doing it right. Being sober has made me realize that everyone's recovery is different. My accomplishments did come, just slower than my unrealistic expectations. I abused alcohol for 30 years. Some things aren't fixed in two weeks or two months.
I also learned to just focus on being sober. I always wanted to be not just sober in the past but perfect. My life had fallen apart because of my drinking so I was going to fix that all on day one. I was going to: stop drinking, exercise every morning and night, pay my past due bills, clean my house, eat only organic food harvested by unicorns, volunteer at the shelter, update my resume, organize every photograph I had taken since childhood, etc., etc. That didn't work.
I think it is so important to just concentrate on being sober. Your body and your mind need to rest and regroup. The rest will come. I'm a year sober and I have done some of the things on my list but not all. Being sober has brought me the awareness that the list is always going to be there. I read somewhere no one dies with an empty inbox. One of the gifts of sobriety is being able to appreciate the now. The imperfect life that I do get to live.
This is the first New Year's Day in 30 years I haven't hated myself for my choices. I have a sense of peace. I wish that for anyone who is struggling.
Happy New Year,
Artemis
I tried so, so many times. Countless sober dates. I thought if I started on a holiday I could use the symbolism as motivation. Something like " I'll get sober on Valentines Day and whenever I see the little red hearts it will remind me", so forth and so on. I hit EVERY holiday, many more than one time. To the point that I started researching the lesser known holidays. Did you know Jamaican Independence Day is August 6?
Please hear that it does get easier as time goes on. I didn't hear that or didn't believe it, but it does. The intense fight with yourself when you start, where you are using everything in your power, won't last forever. It doesn't get easier overnight and not in a few weeks. It is different for everyone but slowly some peace will start to come.
I understand the constant, constant life revolving energy it takes to be an alcoholic. To hide it, to lie about it, to scheme about it, to make sure you have "enough" to get through a situation. How your thoughts build your entire existence around alcohol. My life was consumed on every level.
You CAN get it to stop. I reiterate that because I failed so many times. I would string days, weeks and months together and then drink. I didn't believe the cravings would ever leave ME. Sure, they might leave other people on SR but I didn't have the strength or determination or whatever it was that these successful people had. If you are reading this, there isn't anything wrong with YOU. No matter how many times you started over in the past. I started over countless times . I had a hundred false starts, but I am doing this now.
My own experience made me realize you shouldn't compare yourself. I read posts about people losing weight, starting to run, getting new jobs. Accomplishing so many things. None of that happened for me the first few months. My own comparisons made me feel like I wasn't doing enough or wasn't doing it right. Being sober has made me realize that everyone's recovery is different. My accomplishments did come, just slower than my unrealistic expectations. I abused alcohol for 30 years. Some things aren't fixed in two weeks or two months.
I also learned to just focus on being sober. I always wanted to be not just sober in the past but perfect. My life had fallen apart because of my drinking so I was going to fix that all on day one. I was going to: stop drinking, exercise every morning and night, pay my past due bills, clean my house, eat only organic food harvested by unicorns, volunteer at the shelter, update my resume, organize every photograph I had taken since childhood, etc., etc. That didn't work.
I think it is so important to just concentrate on being sober. Your body and your mind need to rest and regroup. The rest will come. I'm a year sober and I have done some of the things on my list but not all. Being sober has brought me the awareness that the list is always going to be there. I read somewhere no one dies with an empty inbox. One of the gifts of sobriety is being able to appreciate the now. The imperfect life that I do get to live.
This is the first New Year's Day in 30 years I haven't hated myself for my choices. I have a sense of peace. I wish that for anyone who is struggling.
Happy New Year,
Artemis
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Artemis, this is a great post for New Years. Love the unicorn reference, we can set unrealistic expectations and then feel we let ourselves down, while at the same time, achieving sobriety itself is huge! Thanks.
Keep going, it gets better. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Congrats on 1 year. I really relate to your post. The list of all the things I'm now going to do. Progress not perfection.
Did you know Jamaican Independence Day is August 6? I did not know that! Its my birthday too! Haha. And Tennyson's.....and Hiroshima.
Did you know Jamaican Independence Day is August 6? I did not know that! Its my birthday too! Haha. And Tennyson's.....and Hiroshima.
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