Horn95

Really bad anxiety. Probably set off by a really bad night of sleep. I took a trazadone (which had been great just the night before) but did not go to bed right away. Went to bed at 11 p, and was up at 3:30 a, jolted by a weird dream. Rest of the morning tossed and turned, thoughts racing. Hit by every emotion possible. Sleeping for only minutes at a time, jolted by a weird dream.

I am at a Starbucks right now having a calming tea. I have been hit with so many emotions in the last day or so. Shame that I became an addict. Fear I have permanently damaged my neurotransmitters (I already had an anxiety disorder) and will have uncontrollable anxiety for life. Questioning whether I am happy in my marriage. Anxiety about going back to work on Monday (I have a bruising travel schedule ahead of me over the next several months). Depression about my current state. It all hit at once.

Over the last several months by this time of day I would have had at least had a bottle of wine or a couple of scotches by now (1 pm CST). The thought has crossed my mind how easy it would be to make all of this go away --- for a little while. And a little has looked ok at times over the last several hours.

Then I think about how bad things were before. Just last weekend. That drinking only made things worse. I think of the time I just spent in detox. The shame of knowing I am an alcoholic and doing nothing about it. And realizing that the only way to make my life better was to quit drinking.

As I have read and thought, it took me long time to get here; it's going to take a while (understatement), and some work, to totally recover. I just did not know it would be this hard so soon.

Wow. What a difference even a day makes when you are a recovering alcoholic. That was hard to write. I need to get to an AA meeting, and put together my recovery plan.

Soberwolf

You got this Horn good job getting to a meeting tonight

With you all the way

Mountainmanbob

That's exactly what we need to remember.
It will only go away for a (little while)
M-Bob

gregknight

Just hang on, Horn! It will get better with time. All my best New Year's sober wishes to you!

jimmyhow

I feel unqualified to give advice, seeing as I'm here for the 100th time, but I know one thing; it's easier to undo good work than it is to do the work in the first place. Day 6 is Day 6 and it's great - keep working on it for the one week mark! You're too close to give up.

Leonidas

I feel ya brother, on day 6 myself dealing with many of the same things as you. The intense dreams and nightmares have been the worst last couple nights for some reason. My jolts were way worse first few days though.

Hang in there man I think the worst is almost over now, as far as withdrawal symptoms go.

Ariesagain

If you focus on the shame and the deprivation, it's harder. If you focus on what you are becoming liberated from...the endless mental debate about how much and when and where to buy and how to hide, the shaking hangovers, the morning panic, the self-loathing...it feels more like a new, fresh welcome start.

Liberation, not deprivation.

You can do this.

PurpleKnight

One Day at a time Horn, we don't need to be taking on the world straight out of the blocks.

Things will adjust in time, you're doing fantastic, keep pushing through!!

Midwest1981

you can do this! things will start to improve little by little every day. I know you may not have time to have fun when you travel but maybe you can squeeze some fun things in there to look forward too.

madgirl

You never have to feel like this again!!! Every day you stay sober, you will heal a bit more and peace will begin to fill your soul.
You can do it!!!

Mklove

Yes, day 6 is great, it does get easier. Sleep in general takes a little while to get in sync. We're used to passing out, not so much now. Definitely gets easier. Happy New Year.

FLCamper

I often think of the question: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! (i've really got come up with a better one than that - yuck!)
Don't get overwhelmed. And, all these decisions don't have to be made right now. You can write down your thoughts and make plans when your emotions are less volatile.
Enjoy a nice hang over free New Years! Congrats to you on a week. That's fantastic.

biminiblue

Ah, yes. Spinny-obsessive brain. How I do not miss you.

I think it was Day Nine for me when I had a complete meltdown, lol. I couldn't stop crying and hyperventilating.

I called a lady in AA and said, "Please talk me down!!!!!!!!!" She did. For like an hour she talked with me, bless her heart.

The obsessions do go away. It does take time. Stay here with us and keep reading everything you can.

My anxiety which I was convinced I had forever really turned out to be some faulty thinking on my part. Give it time, read books about anxiety and Cognitive Behavior, meditation, etc.

If you want to try something that's a little out there, Google "tapping" or EFT technique.

...I really feel like it helped me.

Suzieq17

As an adult child of an alcoholic and an alcoholic myself, give up the alcohol--for you and your children. I can relate to this post VERY much.

I'm struggling with Day 3 and every 20 minutes I think of drinking but have battled all day saying no to my AV. All my demons from past, present and future make it so easy to want to drink BUT I'm saying no.

You can do this, stay close to SR.

Delilah1

Hi Horn,

You are doing great. The anxiety starts to lessen after a bit of sober time, and you are already is such a better place than you were last week at this time.

Stick close to SR today, and go to an AA meeting. Tea at Starbucks sounded like a good way to calm down earlier.

I know it is easier said than done, but try not to worry. Try to stay focused on today, and handling whatever you need to handle today. If you will be home tonight try researching mindfulness, it has really helped me this year, with both anxiety and sobriety.

There will be people on SR all night, stick close. You've got this!

❤️Delilah

Haydentree

What a transparent post. Hang in there. You are doing great. Best to you. Keep going.

least

At day 6, you're barely out of physical withdrawal, and that's likely the cause of your anxiety. Stay sober, it does get better a little at a time.

Horn95

Thanks for all the words of kindness and support. It helps a lot. This will be my first alcohol free NYE since probably my early 20s. I am 48. Wow.

jimmyhow

Congratulations Horn, well done. May 2017 bring you more of the same.

biminiblue

The first of many.

It's cause for gratitude, yes?