He is out and rude.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
He is out and rude.
So my boyfriend or should
I say ex. Is out of detox. I called
Him today since he is now
Staying with his mother. He was so rude to me. Saying he's so stressed he can't get his meds. He's stressed?! Really. That's nothing compared to what he left us to deal with. But i didn't say anything.
Then he started to tell me I'm unsupportive and he doesn't need me. I told him
He's the most ungrateful person I ever met and hung up. He texted me and said they were right. I blocked him. Then I went to Christmas at his aunts house with our daughter. He didn't go.
That's why I called him
Because last night he told me he was planning on going.
Whatever. He's so rude to me. Ok I'm not over the moon about detox. I'm still pissed about a lot of ****. What does he want me to do?! Throw a party. Tell him come home?!
I'm hurt. My daughter is hurt. I don't trust him. I'm still being nice. I'm
Still going out of my way to make sure his daughter see his family while he isn't around to do so. Even tho his family hated me because of him. He made me look like such an ******* to
Cover up his addiction.
Ugh. So he is blocked. I feel better. I don't need him taking anything out on me. I want to be able
To help
Him
But right now I can't. I tried for 2 years. I ended up right where I tried to avoid. So I think this is best. I don't know. But I'm not going to be talked to like that again.
I say ex. Is out of detox. I called
Him today since he is now
Staying with his mother. He was so rude to me. Saying he's so stressed he can't get his meds. He's stressed?! Really. That's nothing compared to what he left us to deal with. But i didn't say anything.
Then he started to tell me I'm unsupportive and he doesn't need me. I told him
He's the most ungrateful person I ever met and hung up. He texted me and said they were right. I blocked him. Then I went to Christmas at his aunts house with our daughter. He didn't go.
That's why I called him
Because last night he told me he was planning on going.
Whatever. He's so rude to me. Ok I'm not over the moon about detox. I'm still pissed about a lot of ****. What does he want me to do?! Throw a party. Tell him come home?!
I'm hurt. My daughter is hurt. I don't trust him. I'm still being nice. I'm
Still going out of my way to make sure his daughter see his family while he isn't around to do so. Even tho his family hated me because of him. He made me look like such an ******* to
Cover up his addiction.
Ugh. So he is blocked. I feel better. I don't need him taking anything out on me. I want to be able
To help
Him
But right now I can't. I tried for 2 years. I ended up right where I tried to avoid. So I think this is best. I don't know. But I'm not going to be talked to like that again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Good for you! You have good sense of boundaries and good head on your shoulders.
Yes, this is typical - my XAH expected me to roll out a red carpet for his homecoming, even after I said several times I am filing for divorce. It did not really register with him until everything was finalized.
Don't engage with the jerk - and you will have all the power
Yes, this is typical - my XAH expected me to roll out a red carpet for his homecoming, even after I said several times I am filing for divorce. It did not really register with him until everything was finalized.
Don't engage with the jerk - and you will have all the power
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jc1024......Yes, like nata said....this is very typical behavior.
Remember that detox is not the same as rehab. Detox just gets the person through the physical withdrawl symptoms. Rehab gives the person some tools and points them in the direction of recovery. Recovery involves working hard at a program..like the 12steps of AA. It requires time and dedication....
Without a diligent program...relapse is very common....relapse is common, in any case....
The first one to two years is considered "early recovery period".
Not drinking alcohol is considered "sober"...but, sober and in recovery are two very different things.
The newly sober alcoholic still has "Alcoholic thinking". It takes a while of program work to change the thinking...which changes the attitude...which can lead to change in behavior and actions.....
Remember that alcohol causes mental, physical, emotional and spiritual changes in the individual.....recovery is an ongoing process for the rest of a person's life.....
You are so correct to establish strong boundaries for yourself in what you will or not accept.....
I would suggest that you would do well to read and study the "sticky threads" above the threads on the main page...especially, the one called "Classic Reading"....become an expert on the subject of alcoholism and co-dependency....Why?....because there is sooo much to learn, and it will give you a heads up on what to expect, and what you are up against.....
Knowledge is power.
I hope that you hang around and keep posting,,,and, learning......
Remember that detox is not the same as rehab. Detox just gets the person through the physical withdrawl symptoms. Rehab gives the person some tools and points them in the direction of recovery. Recovery involves working hard at a program..like the 12steps of AA. It requires time and dedication....
Without a diligent program...relapse is very common....relapse is common, in any case....
The first one to two years is considered "early recovery period".
Not drinking alcohol is considered "sober"...but, sober and in recovery are two very different things.
The newly sober alcoholic still has "Alcoholic thinking". It takes a while of program work to change the thinking...which changes the attitude...which can lead to change in behavior and actions.....
Remember that alcohol causes mental, physical, emotional and spiritual changes in the individual.....recovery is an ongoing process for the rest of a person's life.....
You are so correct to establish strong boundaries for yourself in what you will or not accept.....
I would suggest that you would do well to read and study the "sticky threads" above the threads on the main page...especially, the one called "Classic Reading"....become an expert on the subject of alcoholism and co-dependency....Why?....because there is sooo much to learn, and it will give you a heads up on what to expect, and what you are up against.....
Knowledge is power.
I hope that you hang around and keep posting,,,and, learning......
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The New Year gives us each the chance for new beginnings.
You are nice to him and he responds with rudeness. Once around that block is enough for anyone.
Happy New Year, dear. May 2017 bring you fresh starts, peace and serenity at home, and a life free of addiction of any kind.
Hugs
You are nice to him and he responds with rudeness. Once around that block is enough for anyone.
Happy New Year, dear. May 2017 bring you fresh starts, peace and serenity at home, and a life free of addiction of any kind.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
Thank you all so much!! The support makes me feel so much better. I've been nice. I've been supportive but I'm not going to keep hurting myself or my daughter. Now I'll be strong. New year fresh start is right and I can't wait! I was used to a life with someone but it wasn't healthy I was just used to it and it became normal. Stepping away I see how ****** up it was and how miserable it made us all! This distance is so peaceful. I really do hope he changes and stays clean but that is something he will have to decide. Thanks again for all the love and support! Happy New Years ❤️️✨
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Jc1024,
" Stepping away I see how ****** up it was and how miserable it made us all! This distance is so peaceful. I really do hope he changes and stays clean but that is something he will have to decide."
Perfect attitude and solution!
Keep coming back,
Jim
" Stepping away I see how ****** up it was and how miserable it made us all! This distance is so peaceful. I really do hope he changes and stays clean but that is something he will have to decide."
Perfect attitude and solution!
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
Update:
I felt so much better but then my daughter started mentioning him a lot so I let her call him after all it's New Year's Eve. He can't call me. But I can call him
So we did.
He said do you want to see me. He hasn't saw her in over 2 weeks of course she said yes. He told her to ask me.
I said ok that's fine spend time with her and then you can go when she goes to bed.
Then it turned into he could only come over if he could sleep here.
Knowing he couldn't. I feel like he did that because he knew I would say no. Then he could use it as an excuse not to come.
He told her to call him right back and he didn't answer for an hour. Then his phone shut off. Finally he called back around 9/10
I think he using still.
I really do.
Like I told him this was his chance to come see her and make her happy. He made it about me. And us.
But at the end of the day his pattern of behavior just leads back to him using and taking pills.
So I told him this is the last time she will contact him
For a while. I let her call I'm letting him hurt her. That's not fair.
Like I told him cool
You went to detox. Your body's clean. Not your mind. I saw where his head was at once again. I'm all set. Wish I never even did it. Ugh 😑
So we did.
He said do you want to see me. He hasn't saw her in over 2 weeks of course she said yes. He told her to ask me.
I said ok that's fine spend time with her and then you can go when she goes to bed.
Then it turned into he could only come over if he could sleep here.
Knowing he couldn't. I feel like he did that because he knew I would say no. Then he could use it as an excuse not to come.
He told her to call him right back and he didn't answer for an hour. Then his phone shut off. Finally he called back around 9/10
I think he using still.
I really do.
Like I told him this was his chance to come see her and make her happy. He made it about me. And us.
But at the end of the day his pattern of behavior just leads back to him using and taking pills.
So I told him this is the last time she will contact him
For a while. I let her call I'm letting him hurt her. That's not fair.
Like I told him cool
You went to detox. Your body's clean. Not your mind. I saw where his head was at once again. I'm all set. Wish I never even did it. Ugh 😑
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