How do I tell my parents I'm dating an ex drug addict
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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How do I tell my parents I'm dating an ex drug addict
My boyfriend and I were just friends for a long while before we became anything more and my mum knew that he liked me a lot. She often told me not to get too involved with him etc as he has had a horrid life and has been in and out of rehab for a long time. Also, I'm 16 and he's 18 which doesn't help matters.... Both my parents are really strict but my boyfriend wants me to tell them about us. I just don't know the right way to go about it. They know they can't stop me from seeing him (nor should they as he is clean at the moment) but I want to avoid a huge argument.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Oh, sweetie...young love is a powerful thing, but addiction is even more so. Maybe he's one of the lucky and determined ones, but it would be really good if you spent some time here reading threads from people who have loved addicts and alcoholics.
Your parents are, statistically, right and are just looking out for you. Please protect your heart and don't have children or get married any time soon.
You say he is clean "at the moment." Is he in any recovery program?
Your parents are, statistically, right and are just looking out for you. Please protect your heart and don't have children or get married any time soon.
You say he is clean "at the moment." Is he in any recovery program?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Ellie135,
Welcome to the Forum, you will find a wealth of knowledge and hard knock experience here. Please read as much as you can, feel free to ask questions -- you will get brutally honest replies from people that have already been there, done that and have the tee shirt -- some have more than one.......
He is 18, you are 16 --- that alone is probably not the best combination.
He has been in and out of rehab for a long time -- but for some reason you think this last trip was his last?
He's clean at the moment -- based on the information above, a "moment" is all it may be.
Your boyfriend should be actively working a program every day -- if he is not, he has about a 1% chance of staying clean, even if he is working a program he still only has about a 20% chance. His past track record is not so good.
Do NOT pay attention to what he says - pay attention to what he does, that is the only thing that counts.
Keep in mind that every reputable rehab program has already advised him to stay out of any romantic relationship for at least a year after detox. Many have ignored this advice and many have been burned as a result.
Good luck, proceed with extreme caution.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Welcome to the Forum, you will find a wealth of knowledge and hard knock experience here. Please read as much as you can, feel free to ask questions -- you will get brutally honest replies from people that have already been there, done that and have the tee shirt -- some have more than one.......
He is 18, you are 16 --- that alone is probably not the best combination.
He has been in and out of rehab for a long time -- but for some reason you think this last trip was his last?
He's clean at the moment -- based on the information above, a "moment" is all it may be.
Your boyfriend should be actively working a program every day -- if he is not, he has about a 1% chance of staying clean, even if he is working a program he still only has about a 20% chance. His past track record is not so good.
Do NOT pay attention to what he says - pay attention to what he does, that is the only thing that counts.
Keep in mind that every reputable rehab program has already advised him to stay out of any romantic relationship for at least a year after detox. Many have ignored this advice and many have been burned as a result.
Good luck, proceed with extreme caution.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Ellie135,
Welcome to the Forum, you will find a wealth of knowledge and hard knock experience here. Please read as much as you can, feel free to ask questions -- you will get brutally honest replies from people that have already been there, done that and have the tee shirt -- some have more than one.......
He is 18, you are 16 --- that alone is probably not the best combination.
He has been in and out of rehab for a long time -- but for some reason you think this last trip was his last?
He's clean at the moment -- based on the information above, a "moment" is all it may be.
Your boyfriend should be actively working a program every day -- if he is not, he has about a 1% chance of staying clean, even if he is working a program he still only has about a 20% chance. His past track record is not so good.
Do NOT pay attention to what he says - pay attention to what he does, that is the only thing that counts.
Keep in mind that every reputable rehab program has already advised him to stay out of any romantic relationship for at least a year after detox. Many have ignored this advice and many have been burned as a result.
Good luck, proceed with extreme caution.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Welcome to the Forum, you will find a wealth of knowledge and hard knock experience here. Please read as much as you can, feel free to ask questions -- you will get brutally honest replies from people that have already been there, done that and have the tee shirt -- some have more than one.......
He is 18, you are 16 --- that alone is probably not the best combination.
He has been in and out of rehab for a long time -- but for some reason you think this last trip was his last?
He's clean at the moment -- based on the information above, a "moment" is all it may be.
Your boyfriend should be actively working a program every day -- if he is not, he has about a 1% chance of staying clean, even if he is working a program he still only has about a 20% chance. His past track record is not so good.
Do NOT pay attention to what he says - pay attention to what he does, that is the only thing that counts.
Keep in mind that every reputable rehab program has already advised him to stay out of any romantic relationship for at least a year after detox. Many have ignored this advice and many have been burned as a result.
Good luck, proceed with extreme caution.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Please be careful.
Here is my advice....above all---do not get pregnant! AND, do not abandon your education and long term career plans. do not drink or do drugs.
Your p arents are doing what they have to do...their main responsibility...to protect you until you are fully adult.....
One day, you will look back and be thankful that your parents were "strict".....
Long after your arguments with them are forgotten......
Your p arents are doing what they have to do...their main responsibility...to protect you until you are fully adult.....
One day, you will look back and be thankful that your parents were "strict".....
Long after your arguments with them are forgotten......
Ellie, if I was your mother and knew what I know about addiction today, I too would plead with you to not get too involved here.
Like Jim said, his actions will tell you so much more than his words every could.
If his behaviour becomes quirky, trust your instinct and know that he is probably using again. If he denies it and gets angry...you can be darn sure he IS. If he blames you or anyone else, walk away...fast. Addiction is a progressive disease, if sobriety does not become a way of life, this will all get ever so much worse very quickly.
He's young and already in and out of rehabs. I pray that he has found a better path, really I do...however, his actions are not showing that. He is in a new relationship and my guess is that he isn't going to meetings or anything constructive on a regular basis.
Hugs
Like Jim said, his actions will tell you so much more than his words every could.
If his behaviour becomes quirky, trust your instinct and know that he is probably using again. If he denies it and gets angry...you can be darn sure he IS. If he blames you or anyone else, walk away...fast. Addiction is a progressive disease, if sobriety does not become a way of life, this will all get ever so much worse very quickly.
He's young and already in and out of rehabs. I pray that he has found a better path, really I do...however, his actions are not showing that. He is in a new relationship and my guess is that he isn't going to meetings or anything constructive on a regular basis.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Context: I'm the father of a 24 year old daughter in a nationally renowned graduate school. For three years she's been dating a fine young man who is about half way through a prestigious law school program. My admonishments to my daughter have had nothing to do with drugs or addiction because they are not an issue in their situation yet I've given her similar advice to what you've been told up thread about not getting pregnant and following your educational and career aspirations. You're young and have your entire life ahead of you and you want a partner who is going to support you in those goals.
I wish you well.
I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
HCD,
"I thought rehab was a magic bullet. "
Don't feel bad - we have all harbored that fantasy at least for a while.
I harbored it longer than many since my daughter seemed to be "one and done" with her heroin addiction. MY KID was going to beat the odds! ....and she did beat them for almost 20 months......
After her relapse, she now has almost 9 months clean, but seems to have a better attitude and mind set this time around - she listened in her first rehab, this time around she seems to have heard.
There is a difference.
Keep coming back,
Jim
"I thought rehab was a magic bullet. "
Don't feel bad - we have all harbored that fantasy at least for a while.
I harbored it longer than many since my daughter seemed to be "one and done" with her heroin addiction. MY KID was going to beat the odds! ....and she did beat them for almost 20 months......
After her relapse, she now has almost 9 months clean, but seems to have a better attitude and mind set this time around - she listened in her first rehab, this time around she seems to have heard.
There is a difference.
Keep coming back,
Jim
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