viola71

I attended my first alanon meeting with my 17 year old daughter yesterday. That was humbling. With 2017 fast approaching my only resolution is to live honestly. Be honest about what is happening in my home, marriage, heart and mind. I am terrified and free all at the same time. My daughter basically ran her own intervention with her father 2 days ago, begging him to quit drinking although he had been drinking when she had this conversation so you can only imagine how it was received. I wasn't ready to make the big decisions but now I must for her. I am meeting with a woman who runs our local alanon group and who is also a very good friend to our family today. I need guidance with boundaries and a step by step plan. I have been married for 20 years to an alcoholic. I now believe he's been an alcoholic the whole time with periods that were better managed than others. Why didn't I see, why didn't I trust myself, why do I still doubt my judgment? I have learned to detach over the last two years its the with love part I am having trouble with. I had cancer in May had 1/2 of my upper jaw removed and part of my palate. I was in a different state to have this surgery and the day I was released from the hospital back to the hotel my AH left me there alone for 3 hours in excruciating pain and returned drunk and passed out. Who does that to a human being? What is wrong with me that I am still here in this home accepting that type of behavior. I have done so many things the last two years to take care of me but why do I still accept that from anyone? I need all the strength and love you can send.

BellaBlue

Hello Viola,

I'm glad you're taking the step of going to Alanon and really looking at what is happening. It is very frightening to be in a marriage for years and realize your spouse is an addict. Stay with Alanon. Ask God for wisdom and guidance as you live each day. You'll find you have more strength than you thought and though it may not be easy, you can face the truth and build a better life. And I wish you total healing from surgery. Take good care of yourself.

Bella

solicitude

It is hard being in relationships with addiction involved. Sometimes it takes big things that hurt a lot, like your surgery experience, to make you realize that you have been accepting things that you don't deserve. But over time you will find strength and do what you have to do to bring the happiness back.

clem24

You are a great woman indeed. I want you to see this whole thing as a challenge that you MUST overcome. Do not run away from problems, stand still, face it and solve it. I believe in God. Pray and think of a better way to save your AH. Now is never too late. The lord is your strength.