voices
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: salt lake city utah
Posts: 1
voices
Hello all. I am new to this forum and am struggling to stay sober. Been addicted to pain meds for the better part of 15 years with 4 years of continuous sobriety a few years back. I don't remember getting sober then this trying and don't remember having all these voices in my head.
Is this just me? I so look forward to going to sleep at night because I don't hear them anymore. But when I wake up its almost as if the voices have been sitting on the end of my bed and say "glad you are awake, we have been waiting for you". I wake up in so much fear and anxiety. Often find myself having several conversations at one time with myself, but it isn't myself. Its not a scitzofrenia type of issue and not pacing around talking to them outloud. Its just my mind and it talking me into more, doing things i don't want to do.
The past 3 years or so I wake up everyday making a concious decision with everything i have that i will not use today. And i mean it. But come the afternoon i am loaded. Have been using against my 'will' for too long and it is so demoralizing.
I go to A.A. meetings, but often show up loaded. I have a sponsor, but when i meet with him i am often loaded. I can't seem to stop and stay stopped for longer than a month or two tops. These pills have complete control over me. They own me. I haven't an ounce of control or power over the amount, how often, anything. Like everybody who has lvied through addiction, my life is a mess. Looking at the outside of it it looks good. I have a house, great cars, make a very good living, wife and a son. But inside my life is a mess. I can't manage it anymore. I am miserable and utterly defeated. I can't comprehend it.
What do i do with these voices. My mind that won't shut off and be calm and just let me breathe for even an hour. Do i belong in a nut wart or is this normal and experienced by others out there. I don't remember this kind of mental agony up until the past 4 years or so.
I look forward to being apart of this forum. I have read in here often afraid of joining not knowing what to expect. thanks to those who took time to read and if i get responses, thank you in advance.
Is this just me? I so look forward to going to sleep at night because I don't hear them anymore. But when I wake up its almost as if the voices have been sitting on the end of my bed and say "glad you are awake, we have been waiting for you". I wake up in so much fear and anxiety. Often find myself having several conversations at one time with myself, but it isn't myself. Its not a scitzofrenia type of issue and not pacing around talking to them outloud. Its just my mind and it talking me into more, doing things i don't want to do.
The past 3 years or so I wake up everyday making a concious decision with everything i have that i will not use today. And i mean it. But come the afternoon i am loaded. Have been using against my 'will' for too long and it is so demoralizing.
I go to A.A. meetings, but often show up loaded. I have a sponsor, but when i meet with him i am often loaded. I can't seem to stop and stay stopped for longer than a month or two tops. These pills have complete control over me. They own me. I haven't an ounce of control or power over the amount, how often, anything. Like everybody who has lvied through addiction, my life is a mess. Looking at the outside of it it looks good. I have a house, great cars, make a very good living, wife and a son. But inside my life is a mess. I can't manage it anymore. I am miserable and utterly defeated. I can't comprehend it.
What do i do with these voices. My mind that won't shut off and be calm and just let me breathe for even an hour. Do i belong in a nut wart or is this normal and experienced by others out there. I don't remember this kind of mental agony up until the past 4 years or so.
I look forward to being apart of this forum. I have read in here often afraid of joining not knowing what to expect. thanks to those who took time to read and if i get responses, thank you in advance.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Hello and welcome, are you still using? I get the voices when I first quit, like the anxiety won't go away and my mind is crazy racing. If you haven't stopped perhaps checking into a program is the best route. They can manage it medically. Just my two cents, hope your mind quiets.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Could you try adding NA meetings to your schedule? There are a lot of double winners out there, and it def sounds like you have a dual addiction on your hands.
Also, are the pills prescribed? If so, then I'd suggest going and talking to the person who prescribed them. If def sounds like a detox facility might be a good option at the moment.
Also, are the pills prescribed? If so, then I'd suggest going and talking to the person who prescribed them. If def sounds like a detox facility might be a good option at the moment.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome sdk 
Coming here and becoming a regular poster really helped me sort myself out. I genuinely feared for my sanity at the end of my drinking days. It was good to know there were people here who understood and who wanted to help me
D
Coming here and becoming a regular poster really helped me sort myself out. I genuinely feared for my sanity at the end of my drinking days. It was good to know there were people here who understood and who wanted to help me
D
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
For decades I had a battle going on in my head that only I could hear.
One voice told me I should drink. I needed to drink. I couldn't get by without drinking. It convinced me to go to extraordinary measures to set up opportunities to drink.
The other voice argued that drinking was ruining everything. My health, my relationships, my finances. That voice told me I needed to quit.
Those two voices would go at it every day inside my head. Arguing, debating, bargaining, negotiating, bullying, etc. It was maddening.
One of those voices is the voice of my addiction. The other one is MY voice. One is a liar and a thief that doesn't care about anything but its next buzz. The other is a good guy who wants what's best for his family.
Learning to tell them apart saved my life. I highly recommend it.
One voice told me I should drink. I needed to drink. I couldn't get by without drinking. It convinced me to go to extraordinary measures to set up opportunities to drink.
The other voice argued that drinking was ruining everything. My health, my relationships, my finances. That voice told me I needed to quit.
Those two voices would go at it every day inside my head. Arguing, debating, bargaining, negotiating, bullying, etc. It was maddening.
One of those voices is the voice of my addiction. The other one is MY voice. One is a liar and a thief that doesn't care about anything but its next buzz. The other is a good guy who wants what's best for his family.
Learning to tell them apart saved my life. I highly recommend it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by sdk22 
Hello all. I am new to this forum and am struggling to stay sober. Been addicted to pain meds for the better part of 15 years with 4 years of continuous sobriety a few years back. I don't remember getting sober then this trying and don't remember having all these voices in my head.
Is this just me? I so look forward to going to sleep at night because I don't hear them anymore. But when I wake up its almost as if the voices have been sitting on the end of my bed and say "glad you are awake, we have been waiting for you". I wake up in so much fear and anxiety. Often find myself having several conversations at one time with myself, but it isn't myself. Its not a scitzofrenia type of issue and not pacing around talking to them outloud. Its just my mind and it talking me into more, doing things i don't want to do.
The past 3 years or so I wake up everyday making a concious decision with everything i have that i will not use today. And i mean it. But come the afternoon i am loaded. Have been using against my 'will' for too long and it is so demoralizing.
I go to A.A. meetings, but often show up loaded. I have a sponsor, but when i meet with him i am often loaded. I can't seem to stop and stay stopped for longer than a month or two tops. These pills have complete control over me. They own me. I haven't an ounce of control or power over the amount, how often, anything. Like everybody who has lvied through addiction, my life is a mess. Looking at the outside of it it looks good. I have a house, great cars, make a very good living, wife and a son. But inside my life is a mess. I can't manage it anymore. I am miserable and utterly defeated. I can't comprehend it.
What do i do with these voices. My mind that won't shut off and be calm and just let me breathe for even an hour. Do i belong in a nut wart or is this normal and experienced by others out there. I don't remember this kind of mental agony up until the past 4 years or so.
I look forward to being apart of this forum. I have read in here often afraid of joining not knowing what to expect. thanks to those who took time to read and if i get responses, thank you in advance.
Is this just me? I so look forward to going to sleep at night because I don't hear them anymore. But when I wake up its almost as if the voices have been sitting on the end of my bed and say "glad you are awake, we have been waiting for you". I wake up in so much fear and anxiety. Often find myself having several conversations at one time with myself, but it isn't myself. Its not a scitzofrenia type of issue and not pacing around talking to them outloud. Its just my mind and it talking me into more, doing things i don't want to do.
The past 3 years or so I wake up everyday making a concious decision with everything i have that i will not use today. And i mean it. But come the afternoon i am loaded. Have been using against my 'will' for too long and it is so demoralizing.
I go to A.A. meetings, but often show up loaded. I have a sponsor, but when i meet with him i am often loaded. I can't seem to stop and stay stopped for longer than a month or two tops. These pills have complete control over me. They own me. I haven't an ounce of control or power over the amount, how often, anything. Like everybody who has lvied through addiction, my life is a mess. Looking at the outside of it it looks good. I have a house, great cars, make a very good living, wife and a son. But inside my life is a mess. I can't manage it anymore. I am miserable and utterly defeated. I can't comprehend it.
What do i do with these voices. My mind that won't shut off and be calm and just let me breathe for even an hour. Do i belong in a nut wart or is this normal and experienced by others out there. I don't remember this kind of mental agony up until the past 4 years or so.
I look forward to being apart of this forum. I have read in here often afraid of joining not knowing what to expect. thanks to those who took time to read and if i get responses, thank you in advance.
I know how it feels to be controlled by pills, it's a terrible feeling to fail over and over again, but with support you can quit. I've also been seeing a counselor and I would definitely recommend it. Prayers for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR! Sounds like you have tried to stop on your own a few times, and weren't able to.
Have you seen a doctor, or considered rehab? This would be a good first step for you to be able to get sobriety to stick for you. You can do this.
Have you seen a doctor, or considered rehab? This would be a good first step for you to be able to get sobriety to stick for you. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I agree with what is being said here, and I think Nonsensical has a particularly good way of describing the struggle within between the addictive voice ("AV") and the ("Real Me"). So go to the professionals, doctors, counselors and if necessary detox and rehab to strengthen the "Real Me" and weaken and control the AV. They can help you do it. With your cooperation and the help of other recovering alcoholics. Easy does it! One day at a time! Tough at first but it gets a lot easier. Others have done it.You can too! Happy New Year!
Bill
Bill
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