Trouble letting go.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 2
Trouble letting go.
Hi everyone, I've been lurking this site for the past six years for guidance and help. I've just recently just made a profile. This is my first post so it might be a little long.
I met my AXBF when I was 18 at the time and I was very naive. I grew up in a very sheltered household and when I met him I didn't even know that people used drugs. I seriously thought it was something that was portrayed in shows and movies. When we met he was very charming and funny with a bit of that bad boy edge. He was 24 at the time. I was smitten. He lived about an hour and half away from me and I was in college so we were long distance. When I would visit him his personality would be like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute he would be very cold and the next minute (when he got high) he would be affectionate. Being naive I thought it was because I was doing something wrong. He would leave me alone in the middle of the night to go get high or he would leave me alone at the table of a restaurant for 45 minutes while he "used the bathroom." Fast forward a couple of months he called me and told me he was kicked out of his parents house because of something that happened a while ago. Turns out he pawned all of his mother's and grandmother's jewelry for dope. They forced him to go rehab. Trying to be a good girlfriend I stood by him. When he was in rehab I was the only person to visit him and bring him things he needed (toiletries, clothes, etc.). The rehab facility was three hours away and visitation was only two hours. I also made the mistake of giving him money. At the time I was still in college and working a minimum wage job while trying to support him. I could tell that he was still using in rehab but I still stood by him because I was holding onto false hope. In the middle of this my older brother OD which came as shock to my family. Then my AXBF started stealing from my purse. Stealing the little money I had and even the Christmas money his grandfather had given me. I broke up with him in hopes of him finding his rock bottom. After a couple of weeks he charmed his way back into my life. His parents kicked him out and he moved into his friend's house where he was still using. Again being the good enabling girlfriend I was I still stood by him. Until he tricked me into driving him to his dealer's house. He went in normal and came out stumbling on the floor. I confronted him and I argued with him about him being high. His exact words to me were "F*ck you, you're dead to me." That was my breaking point. I literally sped off to his friend's house got my stuff and left.
A few months later he called me to thank me for all of my help because he was now "clean." He found a new girlfriend who shares the same name as me and he's happy. But he still loves me but cannot be with me at this time. Which I knew was a load of bull and he was trying to manipulate me, but I would answer his calls to make sure he was okay. Apparently he told his girlfriend that I was trying to get back with him. After she called me every name in the book I screen shotted the conversations with him begging for me back and sent them to her. They both accused me of trying to ruin their relationship.
I tried to move on and I dated someone else for a year, but I was still stuck on my AXBF and ended it. It was a year since we last spoken and I've been receiving automated phone calls from a jail. I thought the person had the wrong number so I ignored the call. My AXBF's mom called me to tell me he was in jail and wanted to speak to me. So I answered when he called and it was like the day I first met him charming and funny. I threw caution to the wind and instantly forgave him for every rotten thing he had ever done to me. Which is insane because he's calling me from jail!
He was in jail for a year. We weren't together but I would answer his calls in the mean time I graduated college and received my B.S. in Health Science. When he got out his was clean for a 8 months. He was working a program and got a sponsor. He called me and we agreed to see each other as friends. One thing led to the next and we started dating again. He wanted to make it right this time. Things were going great, I even gave him his coin and said a couple of words at his one year celebration. It was nice to be around when he was actually present. He started to become really anxious after celebrating his one year which was understandable because he had a pending case. When that was cleared he asked me to move into a new apartment with him which I agreed to.
When we moved in together things seemed normal at first, but then he began to become controlling. He didn't want me to wear certain outfits or get manicures. He would say I look fat ('m 5'5" and 112lbs.) When people would say I was beautiful he would tell them to stop giving me compliments because it will go to my head. He didn't want me hanging out with my guy friends. My good friend was getting married abroad and he forbade me from going because he isn't allowed to leave the country and couldn't come (probation reasons). I started going to aerial performance classes and he would complain that I was never home. But when I was home he would say that we were on top of each other. He then demanded that I choose him or aerial arts. I was working a full time job and expected to clean and cook when I got home. When I asked him to help me out around the apartment he said that he shouldn't have to because he pays for most of the bills. I told him I wanted to apply to law school and he basically said that he wouldn't support me. Things started to get really tense, but I was open to talk about it and work on us after all we had been through so much. He became very distant and angry. I found out he was on a dating app talking to different girls when I went to grab his phone to view the conversations he squeezed my wrist so hard that it fractured. He also pushed me onto the bed and said you know I can't f**king hit you (because of his probation). I packed all my things and left to my parents. The next day he called and he was on the verge of tears because he hurt my wrist and found out I was in the urgent care. He said that we needed space and we can work on things in two weeks. So I blocked his number, called the landlord to get me off the lease, mailed back the keys, and booked a vacation abroad and left. I haven't spoken to him since.
After 3 months of NC, I unblocked him out of curiosity and he texted me during his two year celebration with "if you're ever ready to talk please just text or call me," and then again on Thanksgiving. I ignored it of course and haven't heard from him since.
So far my life has been great! My wrist is healed, I applied to law school for Fall 2017, and I'm considering competing in aerial competitions. I must admit, even though I let him go physical I feel as though I'm emotionally tied to him. I'm having trouble letting go the emotional part. We have been in each other's lives for six years and he was my first love. I know that he is no good for me, but part of me is heartbroken because I really thought we would be the exception.
I finally shared my six year experience after six years of lurking. Thanks for reading.
I met my AXBF when I was 18 at the time and I was very naive. I grew up in a very sheltered household and when I met him I didn't even know that people used drugs. I seriously thought it was something that was portrayed in shows and movies. When we met he was very charming and funny with a bit of that bad boy edge. He was 24 at the time. I was smitten. He lived about an hour and half away from me and I was in college so we were long distance. When I would visit him his personality would be like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute he would be very cold and the next minute (when he got high) he would be affectionate. Being naive I thought it was because I was doing something wrong. He would leave me alone in the middle of the night to go get high or he would leave me alone at the table of a restaurant for 45 minutes while he "used the bathroom." Fast forward a couple of months he called me and told me he was kicked out of his parents house because of something that happened a while ago. Turns out he pawned all of his mother's and grandmother's jewelry for dope. They forced him to go rehab. Trying to be a good girlfriend I stood by him. When he was in rehab I was the only person to visit him and bring him things he needed (toiletries, clothes, etc.). The rehab facility was three hours away and visitation was only two hours. I also made the mistake of giving him money. At the time I was still in college and working a minimum wage job while trying to support him. I could tell that he was still using in rehab but I still stood by him because I was holding onto false hope. In the middle of this my older brother OD which came as shock to my family. Then my AXBF started stealing from my purse. Stealing the little money I had and even the Christmas money his grandfather had given me. I broke up with him in hopes of him finding his rock bottom. After a couple of weeks he charmed his way back into my life. His parents kicked him out and he moved into his friend's house where he was still using. Again being the good enabling girlfriend I was I still stood by him. Until he tricked me into driving him to his dealer's house. He went in normal and came out stumbling on the floor. I confronted him and I argued with him about him being high. His exact words to me were "F*ck you, you're dead to me." That was my breaking point. I literally sped off to his friend's house got my stuff and left.
A few months later he called me to thank me for all of my help because he was now "clean." He found a new girlfriend who shares the same name as me and he's happy. But he still loves me but cannot be with me at this time. Which I knew was a load of bull and he was trying to manipulate me, but I would answer his calls to make sure he was okay. Apparently he told his girlfriend that I was trying to get back with him. After she called me every name in the book I screen shotted the conversations with him begging for me back and sent them to her. They both accused me of trying to ruin their relationship.
I tried to move on and I dated someone else for a year, but I was still stuck on my AXBF and ended it. It was a year since we last spoken and I've been receiving automated phone calls from a jail. I thought the person had the wrong number so I ignored the call. My AXBF's mom called me to tell me he was in jail and wanted to speak to me. So I answered when he called and it was like the day I first met him charming and funny. I threw caution to the wind and instantly forgave him for every rotten thing he had ever done to me. Which is insane because he's calling me from jail!
He was in jail for a year. We weren't together but I would answer his calls in the mean time I graduated college and received my B.S. in Health Science. When he got out his was clean for a 8 months. He was working a program and got a sponsor. He called me and we agreed to see each other as friends. One thing led to the next and we started dating again. He wanted to make it right this time. Things were going great, I even gave him his coin and said a couple of words at his one year celebration. It was nice to be around when he was actually present. He started to become really anxious after celebrating his one year which was understandable because he had a pending case. When that was cleared he asked me to move into a new apartment with him which I agreed to.
When we moved in together things seemed normal at first, but then he began to become controlling. He didn't want me to wear certain outfits or get manicures. He would say I look fat ('m 5'5" and 112lbs.) When people would say I was beautiful he would tell them to stop giving me compliments because it will go to my head. He didn't want me hanging out with my guy friends. My good friend was getting married abroad and he forbade me from going because he isn't allowed to leave the country and couldn't come (probation reasons). I started going to aerial performance classes and he would complain that I was never home. But when I was home he would say that we were on top of each other. He then demanded that I choose him or aerial arts. I was working a full time job and expected to clean and cook when I got home. When I asked him to help me out around the apartment he said that he shouldn't have to because he pays for most of the bills. I told him I wanted to apply to law school and he basically said that he wouldn't support me. Things started to get really tense, but I was open to talk about it and work on us after all we had been through so much. He became very distant and angry. I found out he was on a dating app talking to different girls when I went to grab his phone to view the conversations he squeezed my wrist so hard that it fractured. He also pushed me onto the bed and said you know I can't f**king hit you (because of his probation). I packed all my things and left to my parents. The next day he called and he was on the verge of tears because he hurt my wrist and found out I was in the urgent care. He said that we needed space and we can work on things in two weeks. So I blocked his number, called the landlord to get me off the lease, mailed back the keys, and booked a vacation abroad and left. I haven't spoken to him since.
After 3 months of NC, I unblocked him out of curiosity and he texted me during his two year celebration with "if you're ever ready to talk please just text or call me," and then again on Thanksgiving. I ignored it of course and haven't heard from him since.
So far my life has been great! My wrist is healed, I applied to law school for Fall 2017, and I'm considering competing in aerial competitions. I must admit, even though I let him go physical I feel as though I'm emotionally tied to him. I'm having trouble letting go the emotional part. We have been in each other's lives for six years and he was my first love. I know that he is no good for me, but part of me is heartbroken because I really thought we would be the exception.
I finally shared my six year experience after six years of lurking. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
I am alcoholic and a bloke. You are doing great- so very well done. Emotions will always be there- especially memories of what could have been. But it is not and you know that. You are grieving stuff. Keep doing what you are- block him out 4 ever more. Post, aerial dance, eat chocolate, drink coffee- laugh- cry. You are doing that. Great about law school. A truly inspirational narrative. You go girl! PJ
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