i feel very guilty right now
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
i feel very guilty right now
my boyfriend is a severe alcoholic. he drives wasted every night from the bar to home (20 miles). he came home tonight, argued with me over nothing (as usual) then left. i called the police because enough is enough. ive told him id always give him a ride when hes drunk and to just call me . hes never took me up on that offer. he has four DWI's and a warrant for his last DWI. he wouldnt listen to me when i tried to plea with him that he could kill someone or himself. tonight i decided to do something by calling the police. but i feel horrible now. did i go too far? please help. i feel absolutely horrible and sad now. like i stabbed him in the back. thank you.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Carestoomuch!
I'm sorry for the situation which brings you here. When my alcoholic behavior became dangerous, my wife called the police on me and in hindsight I am glad she did.
The forum is kind of slow at this time of day or night (depending on where you are), but you will find much support in our "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" section. Read around and post often!
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm sorry for the situation which brings you here. When my alcoholic behavior became dangerous, my wife called the police on me and in hindsight I am glad she did.
The forum is kind of slow at this time of day or night (depending on where you are), but you will find much support in our "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" section. Read around and post often!
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
As a father of two I believe your a hero. You may have saved him from killing or seriously injuring himself or some one else. I use to drink and drive and would pray that I would get pulled over so the insanity would stop. I know it's hard but I totally believed you did the right thing
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 12
That is a really horrible situation to be put in.
Please understand that you should not feel badly about calling in an incident if you felt like he was drunk. At least where I drive there are signs beside the highways for anyone to see saying "Report drunk drivers- 911".
You could have saved someone's life. He might not thank you, but you never know whose family could have been devastated tonight if something had happened.
Please understand that you should not feel badly about calling in an incident if you felt like he was drunk. At least where I drive there are signs beside the highways for anyone to see saying "Report drunk drivers- 911".
You could have saved someone's life. He might not thank you, but you never know whose family could have been devastated tonight if something had happened.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I don't suppose that the police would actually tell him who called them would they? Surely they're not so silly.
You may be feeling bad because you suspect your motives for calling. Sometimes even if we do the Right Thing in anger rather than with good intent it can leave a bad taste in our mouths. I remember buying a little statue of a Cockerell to give to my step dad (who I never spoke up til that point) just after his pet one was killed by a fox. I did it with the intent of rubbing salt in the wound. He took is as an act of reconciliation and was so thankful and sweet about it that I didn't ever have the heart to tell him I did it because I was being angry and jealous and a bit of a bitch. To be honest, as an AAer he may have suspected that though, and decided to let it go. Anyway, God can take our actions and turn them to good. So even if your intent wasn't for good last night, then good could still come out of it regardless. Like others have said, you could have saved his life, or the lives of others last night. Also, some of us alcoholics do need to get a metaphorical slap in the face from life to snap us out of the craziness of our drinking. Perhaps while he was still 'getting away with it' he could convince himself that things hadn't got 'That Bad'.
Curious. Do you still see him as you current boyfriend. Or did something in that relationship finally break last night? Either way, I would suggest getting some support for yourself. Relationships with alcoholics and other addicts take their toll. Perhaps look into your local AlAnon meetings (regardless of his decisions to continue or stop drinking, and even if you decide to split from him. )
Wishing you all the best for YOUR recovery from this relationship x
You may be feeling bad because you suspect your motives for calling. Sometimes even if we do the Right Thing in anger rather than with good intent it can leave a bad taste in our mouths. I remember buying a little statue of a Cockerell to give to my step dad (who I never spoke up til that point) just after his pet one was killed by a fox. I did it with the intent of rubbing salt in the wound. He took is as an act of reconciliation and was so thankful and sweet about it that I didn't ever have the heart to tell him I did it because I was being angry and jealous and a bit of a bitch. To be honest, as an AAer he may have suspected that though, and decided to let it go. Anyway, God can take our actions and turn them to good. So even if your intent wasn't for good last night, then good could still come out of it regardless. Like others have said, you could have saved his life, or the lives of others last night. Also, some of us alcoholics do need to get a metaphorical slap in the face from life to snap us out of the craziness of our drinking. Perhaps while he was still 'getting away with it' he could convince himself that things hadn't got 'That Bad'.
Curious. Do you still see him as you current boyfriend. Or did something in that relationship finally break last night? Either way, I would suggest getting some support for yourself. Relationships with alcoholics and other addicts take their toll. Perhaps look into your local AlAnon meetings (regardless of his decisions to continue or stop drinking, and even if you decide to split from him. )
Wishing you all the best for YOUR recovery from this relationship x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone. I still feel guilty but he needed a wake up call. His alcoholism was out of control. To D: no, he won't do anything to me wherever he's released if he is?? Fourth dwi and already has a warrant for the last one. For some time I've felt guilty for not being able to help him. I've finally realized that I can't help someone who doesn't want help. He doesn't feel like his alcoholism is a big deal. I feel so horribly bad for him. He does have some great qualities about him. I hate the power that alcohol can have over people. Despise it!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Can you imagine, you do nothing ....then, the next call you get is there has been an accident, possible fatality ...how would you feel then?
Whatever your motivation, he drank, he drove...!..It is right out there as a "What should I do" scenario...Take care.
Whatever your motivation, he drank, he drove...!..It is right out there as a "What should I do" scenario...Take care.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
I used to drive drunk all the time.
When I got my DUI in 1993 I was in a total blackout - I woke up in a jail cell and didn't remember any of it. Once I got bailed out I got my car out of impound and went to the bar and got drunk and drove again.
I was a reckless moron. Thank God I never hurt anyone.
I see nothing wrong with what you did.
When I got my DUI in 1993 I was in a total blackout - I woke up in a jail cell and didn't remember any of it. Once I got bailed out I got my car out of impound and went to the bar and got drunk and drove again.
I was a reckless moron. Thank God I never hurt anyone.
I see nothing wrong with what you did.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I also wish someone had called the police on the 18-year-old drunk driver that was driving the pickup that hit and killed my youngest sister. You've done nothing wrong and possibly saved a life.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Another one who had my ex wife call the police on me for driving with too much. First brush with the law, and thankfully I learned my lesson, and got help. It took some time, but I spoke with her in my recovery and apologized for putting her in that position, and told her she did the right thing, because well, she did! I would do the same thing in her shoes now a days. If he hasn't learned after 4 DUIs, it's going to take something very serious. Thank you for getting him off the road, and protecting my, and every other innocent family out there. I admire what you did, quite a bit.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
some of the hardest decisions ive made are deciding to let people i care about face the consequences of their actions.
it really put into perspective what i put people through when i was drinking.
carestoomuch, there is a great friends and family of alcoholics subforum that you may be interested in.
PLEASE throw out the arse kikin machine. you very well could be saving a life or 2.
it really put into perspective what i put people through when i was drinking.
carestoomuch, there is a great friends and family of alcoholics subforum that you may be interested in.
PLEASE throw out the arse kikin machine. you very well could be saving a life or 2.
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