Hi All
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 8
Hi All
Hi Everyone,
I have been married to my alcoholic wife for 10 years and been together for 14 years total. She has been drinking to various levels for at least the past 20 years with the only time that she stopped drinking for longer than a week, whilst she was pregnant with our son. She has tried to stop in the past dozens of time but only lasted about a week or so with that whole time being a horrible atmosphere. She now is a in recovery who quit 7 weeks ago and seems to be doing well.
she stopped after we had a talk one evening when i told her i have thought for a long time of giving her the ultimatum that i wanted to put two thing on our coffee table. 1 was a bottle of wine and the other was our marriage certificate and ask her to chose the one that is most important to her. So far she has chosen the marriage certificate.
Life with her as a drunk mainly consisted of me watching her gulp down wine in the evening until either i saw that look in her eye when i knew what ever i said next would spark of yet another argument or she would fall asleep, which ever happened first i would go off to bed early for some peace. If we did argue however it would always be my fault as she could never remember what she had said the day after resulting in me apologizing for something i haven't done to keep the peace. Things got that bad in the past that i even tried to drink with her so she couldn't have as much but that resulting in more arguing as she would run out sooner, just desperation on my part i guess.
Even though she inst drinking i still struggle with how things have been with her for the past decade or so, such as treading on eggshell around her and her drinking dominating our relationship. When i am quite or not speaking her response more and more is "you seem more annoyed now that i have quit" but how can she not understand that the last 14 years cant be forgot in a few weeks?, the more she says that the more i think she is just looking for a way to start again.
Bit tired of being the supportive one in the relationship.
Thanks for all who have read this and sorry for going on a bit in an introduction, just feels good to finally get some of my feelings out as i dont feel that i can do that with any of my family/ friends at the minute.
I have been married to my alcoholic wife for 10 years and been together for 14 years total. She has been drinking to various levels for at least the past 20 years with the only time that she stopped drinking for longer than a week, whilst she was pregnant with our son. She has tried to stop in the past dozens of time but only lasted about a week or so with that whole time being a horrible atmosphere. She now is a in recovery who quit 7 weeks ago and seems to be doing well.
she stopped after we had a talk one evening when i told her i have thought for a long time of giving her the ultimatum that i wanted to put two thing on our coffee table. 1 was a bottle of wine and the other was our marriage certificate and ask her to chose the one that is most important to her. So far she has chosen the marriage certificate.
Life with her as a drunk mainly consisted of me watching her gulp down wine in the evening until either i saw that look in her eye when i knew what ever i said next would spark of yet another argument or she would fall asleep, which ever happened first i would go off to bed early for some peace. If we did argue however it would always be my fault as she could never remember what she had said the day after resulting in me apologizing for something i haven't done to keep the peace. Things got that bad in the past that i even tried to drink with her so she couldn't have as much but that resulting in more arguing as she would run out sooner, just desperation on my part i guess.
Even though she inst drinking i still struggle with how things have been with her for the past decade or so, such as treading on eggshell around her and her drinking dominating our relationship. When i am quite or not speaking her response more and more is "you seem more annoyed now that i have quit" but how can she not understand that the last 14 years cant be forgot in a few weeks?, the more she says that the more i think she is just looking for a way to start again.
Bit tired of being the supportive one in the relationship.
Thanks for all who have read this and sorry for going on a bit in an introduction, just feels good to finally get some of my feelings out as i dont feel that i can do that with any of my family/ friends at the minute.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
Hi Lost,
There are many in situations similar to yours. Alanon is a good place for face-to-face discussions about it. Even if you don't choose to stay and work the program I think its a great place to gain awareness about alcoholism and its effects on the family which can be insidious and profound and easily overlooked. Sometimes its easier to discuss this stuff with others who have been or are in the same boat.
My wife is not drinking currently and I've been in Alanon now for about 3 years, best thing I've ever done.
Good luck!
There are many in situations similar to yours. Alanon is a good place for face-to-face discussions about it. Even if you don't choose to stay and work the program I think its a great place to gain awareness about alcoholism and its effects on the family which can be insidious and profound and easily overlooked. Sometimes its easier to discuss this stuff with others who have been or are in the same boat.
My wife is not drinking currently and I've been in Alanon now for about 3 years, best thing I've ever done.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Omega, Georgia
Posts: 16
I agree about Alanon!
I've been there, not the exact situation but similar. It takes a toll on you and it takes a while to even try to heal thathe wound. One day at a time is my saying now, that's all we can do.
I've been there, not the exact situation but similar. It takes a toll on you and it takes a while to even try to heal thathe wound. One day at a time is my saying now, that's all we can do.
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