Survived the Holiday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Survived the Holiday
Hi,
I was so not looking forward to Christmas, but made it through in one piece. All I could think about was last Christmas.
I was still in my home, living with my abusive AH. I not sure you could call it living with him. He spend nights at the shop of our business, and Christmas and New Years with his sister. I spend the holidays alone, in a kind of limbo. I was in such denial! I wanted so much to wake up from this bad dream and have my life back.
Of course, it just got worse! I found a place to move, and filed a domestic violence petition with the court.
This Christmas was very different. I am in control of my life, for the first time in a long time.
It's funny though, my AH and I had many wonderful Christmas's, but all I remember is last year!
This year, I was able to spend Christmas Eve with my sister and daughter. Christmas, I was alone. I actually didn't mind it. I'm actually discovering that I can be with just myself and not feel lonely.
I am though starting to get nervous about my (finally) mediation date that was scheduled for Jan 4th. I am so financially strapped that I really need things to progress. My lawyer feels, like many on this forum, my AH hasn't been willing to go to mediation in the past year, so it will probably go to a trial.
I think I just need to stay strong. Stand up for my needs, and hopefully the court will see through my AH'S games.
I'd like to wish everyone on this forum a Very Happy Holiday and A Wonderful and Healthy New Year!!
Z
I was so not looking forward to Christmas, but made it through in one piece. All I could think about was last Christmas.
I was still in my home, living with my abusive AH. I not sure you could call it living with him. He spend nights at the shop of our business, and Christmas and New Years with his sister. I spend the holidays alone, in a kind of limbo. I was in such denial! I wanted so much to wake up from this bad dream and have my life back.
Of course, it just got worse! I found a place to move, and filed a domestic violence petition with the court.
This Christmas was very different. I am in control of my life, for the first time in a long time.
It's funny though, my AH and I had many wonderful Christmas's, but all I remember is last year!
This year, I was able to spend Christmas Eve with my sister and daughter. Christmas, I was alone. I actually didn't mind it. I'm actually discovering that I can be with just myself and not feel lonely.
I am though starting to get nervous about my (finally) mediation date that was scheduled for Jan 4th. I am so financially strapped that I really need things to progress. My lawyer feels, like many on this forum, my AH hasn't been willing to go to mediation in the past year, so it will probably go to a trial.
I think I just need to stay strong. Stand up for my needs, and hopefully the court will see through my AH'S games.
I'd like to wish everyone on this forum a Very Happy Holiday and A Wonderful and Healthy New Year!!
Z
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
Yes. I am waiting on a financial settlement. Feel like I am in limbo. Left with a part time job and no benefits. I am 62.5 years old. So glad to be gone but I need to stay where I am until everything is settled. Life is good. Feeling resolved about the limbo and thinking of how to spend the next 6 months or more....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
To both of you. It was an incredibly sad holiday for me to. And the only word to describe it is "survived". Maybe next year we'll feel different. Not sure. I think holidays are rough for people even if they haven't gone through what we have. There're too many expectations that are associated with the holiday. Can be overwhelming!!
For me, it's been just about a year, since I filed for divorce. Jan 4th will be the first time any financial settlement will be discussed. My assumption, it will take a while for anything to be settled. Is you financial settlement all agreed upon.? That would be really nice if it was, because at least you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Mine is just beginning, and for sure, my AH won't agree to anything. So, I'm expecting a long road.
I wish for you that it goes quickly and you can move on with your life! And it will help bring closure to this chapter.
Take care,
Zircon
To both of you. It was an incredibly sad holiday for me to. And the only word to describe it is "survived". Maybe next year we'll feel different. Not sure. I think holidays are rough for people even if they haven't gone through what we have. There're too many expectations that are associated with the holiday. Can be overwhelming!!
For me, it's been just about a year, since I filed for divorce. Jan 4th will be the first time any financial settlement will be discussed. My assumption, it will take a while for anything to be settled. Is you financial settlement all agreed upon.? That would be really nice if it was, because at least you could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Mine is just beginning, and for sure, my AH won't agree to anything. So, I'm expecting a long road.
I wish for you that it goes quickly and you can move on with your life! And it will help bring closure to this chapter.
Take care,
Zircon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi
Hi,
I hope everyone here survived the holidays. Somehow, I did.
Christmas was tough for me, but I got through it. New Year's, not so bad. I never was one to do anything to celebrate that holiday. Being a nurse, I usually worked most holidays.
I'm posting because I'm starting to get very nervous over my mediation date coming up on Wednesday. A part of me, is very thankful it's finally happening! It's been almost a year since I moved out of our home and filed for divorce. Another part of me is frankly scaried! Not sure what to expect? I know what should happen, and how things should be fairly divided, but it's been a year and things have remained the same for my AH. He has been allowed to spend the martial assets, ruin my credit. I'm not even sure what the status of the business is, or the condition of our home.
Maybe my AH has destroyed everything we have, so I'll continue to be struggling financially.
My AH continues to be late with his car payment, effecting my credit. Sister is paying the mortgage on our house. Because of this fact, will the court order the house put up for sale?
Will any binding decisions be made at mediation? I had to let my health insurance go as of January 1, it went up 100.00 a month, couldn't afford it.
I still think I have a long road to go! My AH is making it look like he has no income. Will the court see through that? He's a young man. If the business is failing, will they look at that he made no attempts at finding employment to support himself.
I just need this nightmare over, or at least the answers to some of my questions. When do you stop paying for the bad choices you made in life.
Sorry for my ramblings! I'm just very nervous about Wednesday.
Z
I hope everyone here survived the holidays. Somehow, I did.
Christmas was tough for me, but I got through it. New Year's, not so bad. I never was one to do anything to celebrate that holiday. Being a nurse, I usually worked most holidays.
I'm posting because I'm starting to get very nervous over my mediation date coming up on Wednesday. A part of me, is very thankful it's finally happening! It's been almost a year since I moved out of our home and filed for divorce. Another part of me is frankly scaried! Not sure what to expect? I know what should happen, and how things should be fairly divided, but it's been a year and things have remained the same for my AH. He has been allowed to spend the martial assets, ruin my credit. I'm not even sure what the status of the business is, or the condition of our home.
Maybe my AH has destroyed everything we have, so I'll continue to be struggling financially.
My AH continues to be late with his car payment, effecting my credit. Sister is paying the mortgage on our house. Because of this fact, will the court order the house put up for sale?
Will any binding decisions be made at mediation? I had to let my health insurance go as of January 1, it went up 100.00 a month, couldn't afford it.
I still think I have a long road to go! My AH is making it look like he has no income. Will the court see through that? He's a young man. If the business is failing, will they look at that he made no attempts at finding employment to support himself.
I just need this nightmare over, or at least the answers to some of my questions. When do you stop paying for the bad choices you made in life.
Sorry for my ramblings! I'm just very nervous about Wednesday.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The only binding decisions at mediation are those you agree to. If you don't agree, there's no decision, so relax about that part. Think about your bottom line--what things you might be willing to give a bit on, versus what is non-negotiable. You might be able to settle some things and let the court decide others.
Mediation usually consists of the parties and their lawyers in separate rooms, while the mediator goes back and forth with the proposals or counterproposals. It really isn't all that stressful. I know you're anxious to get it all over with, but this is a step in the process. Don't expect too much to come out of it, and at the same time, don't worry too much about it. Nothing irrevocable will happen there without your agreement.
Mediation usually consists of the parties and their lawyers in separate rooms, while the mediator goes back and forth with the proposals or counterproposals. It really isn't all that stressful. I know you're anxious to get it all over with, but this is a step in the process. Don't expect too much to come out of it, and at the same time, don't worry too much about it. Nothing irrevocable will happen there without your agreement.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi!
Thank you LexieCat for you response and reassurance! My lawyer is very helpful, but very laid back. He can't understand why my AH lawyer is throwing so much dirt my way! He feels it will go 50-50, more or less. Actually my lawyer told me, the more letters my AH lawyer writes, the more money she gets from him.
I guess it's human nature, to want things to happen on our schedule.
I'm not usually a high anxiety person! Usually very calm. But I have never deal with addiction, that has directly involved me! I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy!
Thank you again LexieCat for you support!
Z
Thank you LexieCat for you response and reassurance! My lawyer is very helpful, but very laid back. He can't understand why my AH lawyer is throwing so much dirt my way! He feels it will go 50-50, more or less. Actually my lawyer told me, the more letters my AH lawyer writes, the more money she gets from him.
I guess it's human nature, to want things to happen on our schedule.
I'm not usually a high anxiety person! Usually very calm. But I have never deal with addiction, that has directly involved me! I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy!
Thank you again LexieCat for you support!
Z
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