9 Days in: but am I an Alcoholic or someone who was drinking too much?
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9 Days in: but am I an Alcoholic or someone who was drinking too much?
I know for some people this distinction may not matter but it matters to me. These are just my thoughts and feelings right now, please don't interpret what I'm writing as me stating facts about how things are.
One thing was very clear to me which is that I was drinking way too, much even for a big guy (20 stone): I was getting through 2 75cl bottles of vodka a week (sometimes 1L) + 2-3 bottles of wine and was working my way to a third bottle of vodka a week.
It was making me feel bad, causing me health problems and starting to mess up my family/social life and so I decided enough was enough and quit.
This was also partly motivated by brother coming over (who is a raging black out drunk and has been for 15 years) who came over 2 weeks ago and went out the pub with us (where he was out drinking me on beers 2:1 and sneaking shots). Then when we got back home he drank a litre bottle of vodka in 40 minutes and passed out (we thought he was drinking pints of coke, later found that it was pints of vodka mixed with just enough coke to look like it). To top it off he woke up at 5:00 am, crashed around the place enough to wake me up and then as I came down to find out what was going on I saw him careering out of the driveway in his car to drive 40 miles home. That got me thinking, and I decided, "I don't want that to be me.".
Christmas Day was tough, I had told everyone in advance I had quit drinking but that didn't stop the subject coming up and questions and everyone was still drinking of course (including my brother who was there). However I got through it sobriety intact. I am having this internal argument with myself though and would appreciate it some experienced feedback:
Here's the case for why I'm an alcoholic:
1) The volume of drinking which has been steadily increasing for 10 years was now huge as described and is 100% in "problem drinking" area no way I can pretend my consumption is normal.
2) I have had physical cravings for alcohol (it feels similar to when I quit smoking 20 years ago).
3) I have a family history of alcohol abuse (my Dad drinks heavily but I wouldn't say has a problem).
4) I had been starting to plan my life around drinking (I would have "on" days and "off" days and plan my activity around it).
5) I had started sneaking drinking into areas where it should not be (i.e. work time, even if it was when working from home but still counts).
6) I have been having more and more health problems which are most likely connected to alcohol but which I either masked with more alcohol or ignored because I didn't want to acknowledge my drinking was causing me problems.
Reasons why I'm not:
1) I can (have!) stop(ped) drinking and very rarely drank to stupor, sickness or blackout. My definition of an alcoholic is someone who cannot stop drinking once they have started (this may be incorrect, I don't know). I can and do stop, my brother does not, he has to go until he passes out or it is all gone.
2) I don't feel like I have "No control over alcohol", I would often drink more than I intended to but I never felt out of control. An aside but one of the things I don't like about "AA" is the religious element and surrendering (it feels wrong to me), I know you can leave that out and take what you need etc. but it seems so fundamental to the setup.
3) I don't think I ever felt the "need" to drink I think it was just an easy, lazy coping strategy that I adopted for a while and which is now causing me way too many problems which is why I'm cutting it out.
4)I don't feel like I'm alcoholic (or maybe I just don’t like the label), I know it's wrong to stereotype but I still have a good job which I am highly successful at and a good family and generally decent social circle. I know here are tonnes of functioning alcoholics and I may well have been one of them but it's very difficult to know. What's the difference between a functioning alcoholic and someone who just drinks too much?
5) I did not drink every day, or in the mornings or at innappropiate occasions, maybe this just makes me an organised drunk, I don't know.
Why this is important:
I want to know if I need to stop drinking forever (this is my current plan), or if it some point I may be able to resume normal "safe" drinking as I did manage for many years. If I really an alcoholic should I go to or try "AA" am I just better on my own? I worry about being around a lot of other addicts might make me worse not better.
If your still reading this, thank you and let me know what you think.
Thanks.
One thing was very clear to me which is that I was drinking way too, much even for a big guy (20 stone): I was getting through 2 75cl bottles of vodka a week (sometimes 1L) + 2-3 bottles of wine and was working my way to a third bottle of vodka a week.
It was making me feel bad, causing me health problems and starting to mess up my family/social life and so I decided enough was enough and quit.
This was also partly motivated by brother coming over (who is a raging black out drunk and has been for 15 years) who came over 2 weeks ago and went out the pub with us (where he was out drinking me on beers 2:1 and sneaking shots). Then when we got back home he drank a litre bottle of vodka in 40 minutes and passed out (we thought he was drinking pints of coke, later found that it was pints of vodka mixed with just enough coke to look like it). To top it off he woke up at 5:00 am, crashed around the place enough to wake me up and then as I came down to find out what was going on I saw him careering out of the driveway in his car to drive 40 miles home. That got me thinking, and I decided, "I don't want that to be me.".
Christmas Day was tough, I had told everyone in advance I had quit drinking but that didn't stop the subject coming up and questions and everyone was still drinking of course (including my brother who was there). However I got through it sobriety intact. I am having this internal argument with myself though and would appreciate it some experienced feedback:
Here's the case for why I'm an alcoholic:
1) The volume of drinking which has been steadily increasing for 10 years was now huge as described and is 100% in "problem drinking" area no way I can pretend my consumption is normal.
2) I have had physical cravings for alcohol (it feels similar to when I quit smoking 20 years ago).
3) I have a family history of alcohol abuse (my Dad drinks heavily but I wouldn't say has a problem).
4) I had been starting to plan my life around drinking (I would have "on" days and "off" days and plan my activity around it).
5) I had started sneaking drinking into areas where it should not be (i.e. work time, even if it was when working from home but still counts).
6) I have been having more and more health problems which are most likely connected to alcohol but which I either masked with more alcohol or ignored because I didn't want to acknowledge my drinking was causing me problems.
Reasons why I'm not:
1) I can (have!) stop(ped) drinking and very rarely drank to stupor, sickness or blackout. My definition of an alcoholic is someone who cannot stop drinking once they have started (this may be incorrect, I don't know). I can and do stop, my brother does not, he has to go until he passes out or it is all gone.
2) I don't feel like I have "No control over alcohol", I would often drink more than I intended to but I never felt out of control. An aside but one of the things I don't like about "AA" is the religious element and surrendering (it feels wrong to me), I know you can leave that out and take what you need etc. but it seems so fundamental to the setup.
3) I don't think I ever felt the "need" to drink I think it was just an easy, lazy coping strategy that I adopted for a while and which is now causing me way too many problems which is why I'm cutting it out.
4)I don't feel like I'm alcoholic (or maybe I just don’t like the label), I know it's wrong to stereotype but I still have a good job which I am highly successful at and a good family and generally decent social circle. I know here are tonnes of functioning alcoholics and I may well have been one of them but it's very difficult to know. What's the difference between a functioning alcoholic and someone who just drinks too much?
5) I did not drink every day, or in the mornings or at innappropiate occasions, maybe this just makes me an organised drunk, I don't know.
Why this is important:
I want to know if I need to stop drinking forever (this is my current plan), or if it some point I may be able to resume normal "safe" drinking as I did manage for many years. If I really an alcoholic should I go to or try "AA" am I just better on my own? I worry about being around a lot of other addicts might make me worse not better.
If your still reading this, thank you and let me know what you think.
Thanks.
Unwound- hello, welcome, thanks. At the end of the day- you have identified your use of alcohol as being dysfunctional and that it effects your health, behaviour and thoughts. You have a family history. Choices- stop now and forever more and do not take any risks to being an alcoholic that reaches a rock bottom (like me), OR keep drinking and 'control' it. You have indicated not doing this.
I do know those who stop and then start- usually fall harder and faster. The number of year of abstinence is irrelevant. The behaviour being behind it- the reasons for drinking. Why is stopping drinking such an analytical issue for you? Is so entrenched in your life you cannot just stop? For me the choice is only too real- if I drink, next time I will die.
Functional alcoholic is a contradiction in terms. A house that is full of wood rot may look sound- until it collapses. Alcoholism is just that. If a person hides alcohol or is secretive or changes their behaviour to drink- there is an issue.
The choice is yours. There are no concrete answers. I get the feeling from your narrative you have already reached an answer to this- yes?
Keep posting and sharing. PJ
I do know those who stop and then start- usually fall harder and faster. The number of year of abstinence is irrelevant. The behaviour being behind it- the reasons for drinking. Why is stopping drinking such an analytical issue for you? Is so entrenched in your life you cannot just stop? For me the choice is only too real- if I drink, next time I will die.
Functional alcoholic is a contradiction in terms. A house that is full of wood rot may look sound- until it collapses. Alcoholism is just that. If a person hides alcohol or is secretive or changes their behaviour to drink- there is an issue.
The choice is yours. There are no concrete answers. I get the feeling from your narrative you have already reached an answer to this- yes?
Keep posting and sharing. PJ
I was a very high 'functioning' alcoholic for many years. I had a good job, I was a mother, I was an auxiliary cop, I was a dedicated martial artist. But it was precisely this notion of 'still having it together' that prevented me from taking my issues with alcohol as seriously as I should have. I could've gotten sober 10+ years ago and saved myself a lot of heartache over the years.
Welcome to SR Unwound. I don't think there's a clear cut answer for you out there, but it does sound like the solution is the same in either scenario.
Welcome to SR Unwound. I don't think there's a clear cut answer for you out there, but it does sound like the solution is the same in either scenario.
Hi unwound - welcome
I reckon anyone who says this
has more than enough reasons to quit.
Are you an alcoholic...and might you be able to revert to some previous level of drinking someday? Unlikely from the thousands of stories I've read here but who knows?
I know I couldn't.
My drinking only travelled one way...it got worse.
There was no previous level or me to revert to really - when I had the choice I always drank to oblivion - but those few times I didn't, or couldn't due to outside factors, kept me on the hook for 20 years trying to work out how to do that on call.
Never managed it. I finally accepted I never would 10 years ago.
I'm happier, more peaceful and more content as a non drinker.
I've gained my life back.
I really can't recommend any other course of action Unwound
D
I reckon anyone who says this
It was making me feel bad, causing me health problems and starting to mess up my family/social life and so I decided enough was enough and quit.
Are you an alcoholic...and might you be able to revert to some previous level of drinking someday? Unlikely from the thousands of stories I've read here but who knows?
I know I couldn't.
My drinking only travelled one way...it got worse.
There was no previous level or me to revert to really - when I had the choice I always drank to oblivion - but those few times I didn't, or couldn't due to outside factors, kept me on the hook for 20 years trying to work out how to do that on call.
Never managed it. I finally accepted I never would 10 years ago.
I'm happier, more peaceful and more content as a non drinker.
I've gained my life back.
I really can't recommend any other course of action Unwound
D
It sounds like you know it's bad for you but are still afraid to give it up completely. You want to believe you'll be able to drink again and are grasping for ways that might happen without all the consequences. It's playing games with you, in my opinion.
Welcome. Glad you found us and are appraising what alcohol, and drinking, mean to you, and how it affects you and your life.
Just a few questions that your original post throws up in my head....
If it isn't doing you any good now, why do you suppose that might change in the future?
And if you (as you think) can just moderate, why haven't you just cut down from your current levels of drinking as a Normal drinker would?
PS No need to answer those questions on here, but it could be worth bearing them in mind.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety.
Just a few questions that your original post throws up in my head....
If it isn't doing you any good now, why do you suppose that might change in the future?
And if you (as you think) can just moderate, why haven't you just cut down from your current levels of drinking as a Normal drinker would?
PS No need to answer those questions on here, but it could be worth bearing them in mind.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety.
I didn't think I was an alcoholic until I tried to stop. I denied it of course.
Eight months later I can drink if I want to. But why kick the wasps nest?
It doesn't matter whether you're an alcoholic or not. If drink makes you feel bad stop drinking.
A lot easier said than done of course but feeding an addiction won't help your situation.
Eight months later I can drink if I want to. But why kick the wasps nest?
It doesn't matter whether you're an alcoholic or not. If drink makes you feel bad stop drinking.
A lot easier said than done of course but feeding an addiction won't help your situation.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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As a former memeber used to say:
If you are an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems in your life, you'd better quit drinking.
If you are not an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems in your life, you'd better quit drinking.
In other words, the label doesn't matter. It's what the behavior is doing (and has the potential to do) to your life. Could you drink in moderation again? One never knows without an experiment. The odds are very high that you would become re-addicted quickly and eventually move more towards levels like your brother's, though, although that isn't a 100% given. The fact that you would even want to run that experiment, knowing the full risk involved if you are wrong and cannot in fact drink moderately, speaks volumes about whether you are truly addicted.
The addicted part of you is working you like a fiddle right now with all this circular talk. People without that addicted part would have long since walked away from a behavior that has caused them the problems you describe. Think about it.
Many of us don't even use the word "alcoholic" and don't believe in the "ism" of substance addiction. You can quit and be happily abstinent without calling yourself any kind of label.
If you are an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems in your life, you'd better quit drinking.
If you are not an alcoholic, and drinking is causing you problems in your life, you'd better quit drinking.
In other words, the label doesn't matter. It's what the behavior is doing (and has the potential to do) to your life. Could you drink in moderation again? One never knows without an experiment. The odds are very high that you would become re-addicted quickly and eventually move more towards levels like your brother's, though, although that isn't a 100% given. The fact that you would even want to run that experiment, knowing the full risk involved if you are wrong and cannot in fact drink moderately, speaks volumes about whether you are truly addicted.
The addicted part of you is working you like a fiddle right now with all this circular talk. People without that addicted part would have long since walked away from a behavior that has caused them the problems you describe. Think about it.
Many of us don't even use the word "alcoholic" and don't believe in the "ism" of substance addiction. You can quit and be happily abstinent without calling yourself any kind of label.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Posts: 130
I'm not really thinking "when can I drink again?", but more, "What do I do now ?".
I did the most important thing, stopping, now I just need to stay stopped, but not sure how to go about that in the best way. I feel a little precarious ATM, I haven't publically told people I am quitting forever, just that I am quitting for now. I suppose I am starting to think, "OK, now what?. Do I go to AA, or just keep going or do something else?". I've never done this before so I thought I would ask some people that have.
As for how long can I easily stop dropping for? I don't know, all I know right now is I managed 9 and 1/2 days at a difficult time and I hope I can manage at least one more day, my goal ATM is definitely to stay stopped for the forseeable future.
Thanks for all the helpful comments and hope you all had a good sober Christmas!
I did the most important thing, stopping, now I just need to stay stopped, but not sure how to go about that in the best way. I feel a little precarious ATM, I haven't publically told people I am quitting forever, just that I am quitting for now. I suppose I am starting to think, "OK, now what?. Do I go to AA, or just keep going or do something else?". I've never done this before so I thought I would ask some people that have.
As for how long can I easily stop dropping for? I don't know, all I know right now is I managed 9 and 1/2 days at a difficult time and I hope I can manage at least one more day, my goal ATM is definitely to stay stopped for the forseeable future.
Thanks for all the helpful comments and hope you all had a good sober Christmas!
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Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Why not try AA? It has worked for a whole lot of people, myself included. I went kicking and screaming to say the least, and it's the best decision I ever made (after I quit drinking).
Your multiple questions about wondering if you can just keep going on your own....most of us who have stayed sober for any amount of time (I just passed 10 mo) have used a solid plan of action, not just wanting to be sober. That last part may not always be the case; the former is your constant.
Keep sober today- good luck.
[And, what Dee said. Always listen to Dee.]
Your multiple questions about wondering if you can just keep going on your own....most of us who have stayed sober for any amount of time (I just passed 10 mo) have used a solid plan of action, not just wanting to be sober. That last part may not always be the case; the former is your constant.
Keep sober today- good luck.
[And, what Dee said. Always listen to Dee.]
Hang around here and keep reading would be my suggestion.
There are as many "ways" to stay quit as there are drinkers. I get some exercise and eat well and come here to read. I also use prayer and meditation. Each of us finds our own path.
For now, keep doing what you're doing. No reason you can't do some or all of the recovery stuff. I'm not an AAer, but I did go to quite a few meetings. AA meetings are free, no pressure - if you want to check one out, go to aa.org and search for a meeting.
You've made it. Keep doing it. Congratulations. The way to quit drinking is to quit drinking.
There are as many "ways" to stay quit as there are drinkers. I get some exercise and eat well and come here to read. I also use prayer and meditation. Each of us finds our own path.
For now, keep doing what you're doing. No reason you can't do some or all of the recovery stuff. I'm not an AAer, but I did go to quite a few meetings. AA meetings are free, no pressure - if you want to check one out, go to aa.org and search for a meeting.
You've made it. Keep doing it. Congratulations. The way to quit drinking is to quit drinking.
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In my experience, 9 days aren't enough because you haven't experienced enough of the benefits of being sober to make an informed decision.
The single greatest benefit for me is that I'm not spending every day in a furious inner debate like your first post, above. All those data points are irrelevant, because at nearly one year, I know in my gut that I have a better life and I am a better person sober. And many of the benefits really didn't materialize until six months or so.
There are people who do just fine with just online support. Others do well with individual therapy. There is no single path that works best for everyone.
Wishing you well.
The single greatest benefit for me is that I'm not spending every day in a furious inner debate like your first post, above. All those data points are irrelevant, because at nearly one year, I know in my gut that I have a better life and I am a better person sober. And many of the benefits really didn't materialize until six months or so.
There are people who do just fine with just online support. Others do well with individual therapy. There is no single path that works best for everyone.
Wishing you well.
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Location: US
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Since this is your first stop (and hopefully your last ) you know little about recovery (I was exactly the same way). Maybe don't over think it too much. Don't compare and contrast. Don't look for people who are worse off (your brother) or about the same (your dad). Just look at you, your life, your health and your goals. If you are thinking you have a problem, you have a problem.
AA can be great for support and knowledge. Maybe you need it, maybe not. I need it so I never think it hurts to check it out.
Good luck.
AA can be great for support and knowledge. Maybe you need it, maybe not. I need it so I never think it hurts to check it out.
Good luck.
Hi, Unwound, and welcome. Based on your post and as others have observed, I would agree that yes, you have a problem with alcohol. There is a lot of good info on this site and out there about alcohol dependency. I would check it out, learn as much as I can about it. Knowledge is power. If it bothers you to contemplate never drinking again (it did me) then don't think in those terms. Concentrate on today. "I won't drink today." I agree with Frick that sometimes it's beneficial not to overthink. Just put one non-drinking foot in front of the other.
Last, your chances for success in sobriety are enhanced when you have a recovery program. Can be AA, this site, counselling, other secular programs ( I kinda like AVRT) myself. Sensible) or a combination of all. Peace and good luck going forward.
Last, your chances for success in sobriety are enhanced when you have a recovery program. Can be AA, this site, counselling, other secular programs ( I kinda like AVRT) myself. Sensible) or a combination of all. Peace and good luck going forward.
Welcome to the Forum Unwound!!
You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR, stick around, read and post. For me in the beginning I focused only on one day at a time, the days soon became weeks and they turned into months.
Go for 30 days without any alcohol and see how you feel, if that is a real struggle to achieve then you'll have you're answer as to where the line of if alcohol is a real problem in your life falls.
Great to have you with us!!
You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR, stick around, read and post. For me in the beginning I focused only on one day at a time, the days soon became weeks and they turned into months.
Go for 30 days without any alcohol and see how you feel, if that is a real struggle to achieve then you'll have you're answer as to where the line of if alcohol is a real problem in your life falls.
Great to have you with us!!
I used to roll my eyes and/or laugh at these guidelines but here they are:
Binge Drinking:
NIAAA defines binge drinking as a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL. This typically occurs after 4 drinks for women and 5 drinks for men—in about 2 hours.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), which conducts the annual National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), defines binge drinking as drinking 5 or more alcoholic drinks on the same occasion on at least 1 day in the past 30 days.
Heavy Drinking:
SAMHSA defines heavy drinking as drinking 5 or more drinks on the same occasion on each of 5 or more days in the past 30 days.
I have a lot of time between alcohol and myself and now these guidelines make total sense to me. Most people I know drink way less than these guidelines. I drank way more.
"Heavy drinking," even going those guidelines is not good for your health.
Honestly, anyone who drinks more than two drinks a day drinks too much.
I don't think there's a single person on this forum who didn't once dream of learning how to moderate their drinking. I sure did. I tried for years but I kept failing over and over by drinking more than I had planned and more often than I planned.
But looking back, I wasn't even fooling myself. When I tried to moderate I was just counting the days until I could let loose and drink how I wanted. I was never able to moderate my drinking.
I stopped when the negatives became so wildly apparent that I couldn't ignore them anymore. I drank to the point where my hands were shaky in the morning and I was hungover all the time, every day until I took my first drink at 5 pm to help with the headache.
Binge Drinking:
NIAAA defines binge drinking as a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL. This typically occurs after 4 drinks for women and 5 drinks for men—in about 2 hours.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), which conducts the annual National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), defines binge drinking as drinking 5 or more alcoholic drinks on the same occasion on at least 1 day in the past 30 days.
Heavy Drinking:
SAMHSA defines heavy drinking as drinking 5 or more drinks on the same occasion on each of 5 or more days in the past 30 days.
I have a lot of time between alcohol and myself and now these guidelines make total sense to me. Most people I know drink way less than these guidelines. I drank way more.
"Heavy drinking," even going those guidelines is not good for your health.
Honestly, anyone who drinks more than two drinks a day drinks too much.
I don't think there's a single person on this forum who didn't once dream of learning how to moderate their drinking. I sure did. I tried for years but I kept failing over and over by drinking more than I had planned and more often than I planned.
But looking back, I wasn't even fooling myself. When I tried to moderate I was just counting the days until I could let loose and drink how I wanted. I was never able to moderate my drinking.
I stopped when the negatives became so wildly apparent that I couldn't ignore them anymore. I drank to the point where my hands were shaky in the morning and I was hungover all the time, every day until I took my first drink at 5 pm to help with the headache.
Hi Unwound, welcome! I think AA might be good to try out and see what they may have to offer to you.
You don't even have to be sober when going, but have the desire to stop drinking. In my experience it's a good place to hear other's stories and figure out how you fit into the continuum of those who drink, from alcoholics whose life has truly become unmanageable to those who are high functioning but just want to quit for a little bit, or forever. I've seen all types who attend AA.
The way you present things in your post tells me you do want to maintain sobriety for a period of time, so why not keep it up for 30 days at least?
Personally, I have never been able to maintain sustained moderation in drinking. It will creep up over time to drinking too much. Thankfully this time I stopped while still being "high functioning" and didn't descend into the place I was a few years ago. Even stopping now, and having drunk way less than before, I am able to see a lot of positives of sobriety. You don't have to hit rock bottom too see benefits of cutting out the booze.
You don't even have to be sober when going, but have the desire to stop drinking. In my experience it's a good place to hear other's stories and figure out how you fit into the continuum of those who drink, from alcoholics whose life has truly become unmanageable to those who are high functioning but just want to quit for a little bit, or forever. I've seen all types who attend AA.
The way you present things in your post tells me you do want to maintain sobriety for a period of time, so why not keep it up for 30 days at least?
Personally, I have never been able to maintain sustained moderation in drinking. It will creep up over time to drinking too much. Thankfully this time I stopped while still being "high functioning" and didn't descend into the place I was a few years ago. Even stopping now, and having drunk way less than before, I am able to see a lot of positives of sobriety. You don't have to hit rock bottom too see benefits of cutting out the booze.
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