Family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Family
Well I had family visiting in phases all day today. It ended with the partying side of the family in the evening and into the night. I used to have so much fun on Christmas night(the morning after wasn't great) I know I should be very greatful for my extended family and I am but hanging out with people partying just isn't fun. Don't get me wrong I've found things in my short new sober life that I love doing again. I'm sure there will be new things I will discover. I do not think that being in a partying environment will ever be fun again. It wasn't all that stressful really I was never in danger but I don't see any changes in me and my recovery that will allow me to enjoy that again. I love my family but they aren't that fun in that partying mode. Just have to live with it I guess.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
I'm actually looking forward to the same NYE party I attended last year, it was during this party I had a moment of clarity that I was done. I woke upon January 1st, feeling absolutely horrific,and muddled through the day. I threw myself into this site, and recovery, and I will be attending this family party again next week.
We will have karaoke, and board games, and I will be drinking us all home. Last year we all crashed at my MIL house, and the morning was NOT pleasant!
I will also be able to eat more yummy appetizers, because no calories are being saved for alcohol!
We will have karaoke, and board games, and I will be drinking us all home. Last year we all crashed at my MIL house, and the morning was NOT pleasant!
I will also be able to eat more yummy appetizers, because no calories are being saved for alcohol!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 520
I was thinking about this last night. Having drank for over 20 years, it feels somewhat strange not drinking to the point of being drunk at parties and other social occasions.
Most big drinkers will start these events timidly, a little nervous small talk, but generally reserved. As the drinks flow they'll quickly become amiable with alcohol fuelled confidence, but they'll be more interested in talking about themselves than getting to know anyone. Before long they're becoming boorish and embarrassing. That was me all over.
Without drink, and with 5 sober months under my belt, I'm looking forward to the challenge of learning to socialise without booze. I'm conscious of my behaviour, but in a considered rather than paranoid way. I'm also genuinely interested in getting to know people, because isn't this what social occasions are really for?
It's enlightening to see how many others don't drink, or limit themselves to just a couple. I kind of assumed everyone was hitting the booze before. And I have no problem leaving before the end whenever I feel done, by which time only the big drinkers tend to remain.
My social skills are somewhat clumsy, but they are improving in sobriety. As said before though, we shouldn't put any extra pressure on ourselves until we feel good and ready and that could take months or years.
Most big drinkers will start these events timidly, a little nervous small talk, but generally reserved. As the drinks flow they'll quickly become amiable with alcohol fuelled confidence, but they'll be more interested in talking about themselves than getting to know anyone. Before long they're becoming boorish and embarrassing. That was me all over.
Without drink, and with 5 sober months under my belt, I'm looking forward to the challenge of learning to socialise without booze. I'm conscious of my behaviour, but in a considered rather than paranoid way. I'm also genuinely interested in getting to know people, because isn't this what social occasions are really for?
It's enlightening to see how many others don't drink, or limit themselves to just a couple. I kind of assumed everyone was hitting the booze before. And I have no problem leaving before the end whenever I feel done, by which time only the big drinkers tend to remain.
My social skills are somewhat clumsy, but they are improving in sobriety. As said before though, we shouldn't put any extra pressure on ourselves until we feel good and ready and that could take months or years.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It definitly takes time, but it can happen Matt!!
I used to go to parties and focus on drinking, but after a while there's other things to focus, meeting new people, some good conversation, games, music, singing, dancing, even down to trying out some new non alcoholic drink that I've never tasted before!!
When you boil it all back what is the point of a get together, it's to spend time with people and without alcohol in the way that in of itself can be enjoyed!!
I used to go to parties and focus on drinking, but after a while there's other things to focus, meeting new people, some good conversation, games, music, singing, dancing, even down to trying out some new non alcoholic drink that I've never tasted before!!
When you boil it all back what is the point of a get together, it's to spend time with people and without alcohol in the way that in of itself can be enjoyed!!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Matt,
Great job on staying clean. I always hang w the non drinkers now. I carefully watch the drunks do their thing now. It works.
Sort of on your topic....
AA taught me to not attempt to help folks quit drinking unless they ask.
About two Xmas's ago i was 5 months sober. I was struggling a bit to stay sober around my drunk family.
My Dad asked me to talk to my sister about her drinking. My Dad binge drinks a few times a year...he says. Anyway...
Long story short, my sister now leads the charge in alienating me at family functions. She acts like her and the other drinking folks have to hide the booze from me...like if i see it i will pounce on it and try to guzzle it...
It hurts...
I try to take a zen approach to the situations.
My sobriety is a foundation issue. It is just below breathing.
Thanks.
Great job on staying clean. I always hang w the non drinkers now. I carefully watch the drunks do their thing now. It works.
Sort of on your topic....
AA taught me to not attempt to help folks quit drinking unless they ask.
About two Xmas's ago i was 5 months sober. I was struggling a bit to stay sober around my drunk family.
My Dad asked me to talk to my sister about her drinking. My Dad binge drinks a few times a year...he says. Anyway...
Long story short, my sister now leads the charge in alienating me at family functions. She acts like her and the other drinking folks have to hide the booze from me...like if i see it i will pounce on it and try to guzzle it...
It hurts...
I try to take a zen approach to the situations.
My sobriety is a foundation issue. It is just below breathing.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
Hi Matt, yes I know what you're saying. Being the only one sober at a party, along with general boredom in early sobriety, can really grate on the ole nerves, which are edgy anyway from not having alcohol...so a triple whammy. 
Since I'm a tad less than 60 days sober, I'm going through a period that requires a different frame of mind at parties where alcohol is served. Basically I'm just trying to pass the hours until leaving.
I think others are right...at first being at such parties really stinks, but as you tick off more days and months in sobriety, your mind isn't so focused on being "odd man out", rather how nice it is to not be facing a next-day hangover or worry over what was said, etc...
Since I'm a tad less than 60 days sober, I'm going through a period that requires a different frame of mind at parties where alcohol is served. Basically I'm just trying to pass the hours until leaving.
I think others are right...at first being at such parties really stinks, but as you tick off more days and months in sobriety, your mind isn't so focused on being "odd man out", rather how nice it is to not be facing a next-day hangover or worry over what was said, etc...
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