Water441

When you just don't want to say

"I don't drink" or "no thanks, water is fine"

What things can you say to those prying busybodies?

january161992

i drank my share already

soberandhonest

I decided to take a year off of drinking ... I drank enough in the past 20 years to last a lifetime ... I started to have some health issues so I decided to quit drinking ... I had some scary warning signs and decided that me and alcohol don't mix ... I'm driving ... I'm going home to my kids tonight and don't want to smell like booze ... I'm taking medication and can't drink ... my liver needs a [lifetime of] rest. I've used some of these. I find that it's sort of interesting in that if I come even close to hinting that I was a "problem" drinker, 99% of people get uncomfortable and don't pry any further.

Soberwolf

No thanks works if they persist just firmly but calmly say no thanks

Don't ever feel like you have to say more than that or lie I used to lie about not drinking to my in laws now my 4th sober christmas & they accept I don't drink

Hang on in there Water

PurpleKnight

For new people you meet . . . "I don't drink" should be fine, as they don't know you any other way and it's a great chance to start off on a clean slate.

With people you know, "I've decided not to drink this evening" I used to say all the time, and then the evenings used to accumulate into months and years.

It's important to remember that those that are real friends should accept such a life changing decision, one that is about your health and well being, anyone pushing it over and over again, those people went by the wayside in my life very quickly.

Keep it simple though, don't overthink it!!

biminiblue

I think things will go much more smoothly if I don't lie.

It kind of depends on the situation, but I don't use the word "alcoholism" anywhere except with others in recovery. Really and truly, only one person has been a "busybody" about it, and I just didn't answer her.

Sometimes I say, "I already drank my fair share," or, "I don't like what alcohol does to me."

Seriously, no one cares.

least

I just say, no thanks, I don't drink. And if pushed, I repeat that a little louder.

FLCamper

I think we are much more sensitive to this than "normal" or non-drinkers.

For me, the question "would you like a drink?" my answer is "sure, I'd love a Coke"

For the question: "can I get you a beer (wine, etc)?" my answer is "How about just a Coke? I'm getting up early to run tomorrow" (which is acutally always true) and that seems to end further discussion.

Ariesagain

"It doesn't agree with me."

"I've totally lost any tolerance for it, so in the interests of being good company..."

"It gives me terrible heartburn."

"It triggers my sinus headaches."

Actually, for me, all of those are true!

Algorithm

I don't see why "I don't drink" wouldn't suffice in most instances, but for anyone that knows your drinking history already...

1. I'm driving.
2. I'm on a diet.
3. I have to get up early tomorrow.
4. It affects my workout routine.
5. Doctor's orders.

By honesty, I assume you meant saying "I'm an alcoholic" instead?

That kind of "honesty" is not always best.

Dee74

Most people I knew on a day to day basis understood exactly why I quit. I was a very public embarrassing drunk.

For the rest, I had these elaborate essays prepared in my mind about why I stopped drinking, etc.

I can still see peoples eyes glazing over....

Most people want a yes or a no thanks.
]That's it.

I made the mistake of thinking that drinking was as important to everyone else as it was to me.

It wasn't.

D

Jim1958

Most people don't care and won't push the issue. I just say health issues or something along those lines.

PhoenixJ

Some one offers a drink.
'No thanks'
Oh- why not?'
I don't' drink.
'Then it gets real easy or difficult. If I then spin a story- the other person will latch on- interest, sensing something is up- a story here- they persist. I have started this story- so feel obliged to continue- the more spin, the more questions.
Back to the original- oh, why don't you drink? I just don't. 1 will not hurt you- no thanks , I don't drink.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
No where to go. Just keep it polite, relaxed- no pressure. Why would they care anyway? No one can 'make' me drink.

soberlicious

I always say, "I don't drink." If people ask me point blank why I don't drink alcohol, I usually say, "because I used to be a blackout drunk, so I quit."

Algorithm is right though. There are times that complete honesty with strangers is not prudent, and can come back to affect you later in the workplace or with insurance issues, etc.

Anna

I stick with 'No, thanks'. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you drink or not.

Delilah1

I have stuck with "No thanks," this past summer I was at a party with friends and family, and was asked why I had stopped drinking. I said for health reasons, and also added, I think I had Rachel my lifetime maximum a few yqrs back. Nobody pushed after that.

Today o you one person asked if I would like a glass of wine, because they were fettti g some for others, and when I replied no thank you, the answer was a simple ok.

I think I used to play up needing a response in my mind, and found, that nobody really cares.

PhoenixJ

....also for me- I used to lie about drinking, so lying about not drinking seems weird.

MythOfSisyphus

This is a pretty common question/issue for those in early sobriety. I think most of us end up asking it. Speaking for myself, deciding to quit required admitting the need to quit. So I felt that by telling people I had quit it was acknowledging that I was "too weak" to handle my drinking. Of course there was also the fear that I actually was too weak and would relapse. It would be even more embarrassing to swear off drinking forever only to come crawling back to the bottle like I had so many times before.

So to begin with I avoided situations where everyone would be drinking, at least as much as possible. The rest of the time I would just say "nothing for me, thanks". If pressed I'd say I was driving, I had an early day, I was still too hungover, whatever. After about three months of sobriety I summoned up the nerve to tell people I quit.

I found that for the most part people didn't care one way or the other. You will probably find that the only people who question you or try to convince you to have "just one" are the ones who're alcoholics or heavy drinkers themselves. They may feel intimidated by it. After all, in their minds you didn't seem any worse than them. So does that make them drunks?

5upersonic

I think it's fine to tell white lies, particularly in the first few months. 'I'm on antibiotics and mustn't drink ' is one I rolled out a few times. That said, it's better to avoid boozy situations entirely in early recovery.

In time and as your sober muscles build you'll find it's not something you worry about anymore.

kintsugi

I say a couple of things.

When I'm first offered a drink upon entering a home, I say something like 'No thanks, but I could really use a coffee if you have any!'

I find giving the host an alternative for something I would like helps let them feel like they're still being a good host and giving me something I want. This stops the from pushing alcohol and gives them something to offer me in the future. Usually I won't have to use many excuses beyond this point

Another thing I say is 'I've never really liked alcohol. I pretended I did for a few years to fit in or whatever but I guess I'm just a freak. I always detect a hint of cleaning fluid flavour, mixed with a hint of decay.'

I find describing it using flavour words people don't like (decay, cleaning fluid) gives people a sense of the disgust you would experience and they are more likely to leave you alone.


Things like 'I'm driving' or 'I have a commitment in the morning' or 'I'm on antibotics' are fine, but I feel like they have the subtext of 'I wish I could drink' -- this excuse shows you don't feel like you're missing anything and that you won't enjoy it.

The good news is that after you share this around with most of your friends, you probably won't have to be constantly explaining anymore. It's only awkward for the first bit