boydfam3

I am new to this site. Just found it tonight. My son is 17 years old and has just been expelled from school. He is drinking and using marijuana. I'm not sure what else. He lost his job, fell asleep at work, his car has been taken away..came home at 2am drunk & high, he was expelled from school for his second offense with drugs. He is never home, comes and goes as he pleases.

I have tried to get him to admit he has a problem and he says he does not. I am the one with the problem he says and I just want to get him in trouble.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know I can't force him to get help and sometimes I wonder if I'm the crazy one.
Does anyone have any advice for me???

lulu70

Unfortunately, you have to let him make his own mistakes. However, you don't have to let him walk all over you in your own house. Maybe you need to set some ground rules and tell him that if he cannot live by them, he will have to find his own place to live. (I hope that doesn't sound too harsh. It's the "tough love" you often hear about.)

Also, you should check out the Al-anon and Friends and Family forums. There are a lot of people there who know where you are coming from.

sherbear5104

I agree with Laura. Unfortunatley there is nothing you can do other than protect yourself. There are alot of people on the nar-anon and al-anon forums who could help you. They have been there. Read around and see what you can identify with. There is alot of support here.

Sherry

Sandy Marie

Hello there,
Welcome to SoberRecovery. I'm sorry to hear about your son's problem. I assume the school counselors worked with your son and he's not responding. Does your son have access to a therapist that specializes in teen issues?
I would at least enforce house rules and consequences. Sherry and Laura mentioned the other forums here. If you read through those posts, you may be inspired and I know you'll get lots of support.
Sandy

boydfam3

Thank you all for your response. I have gone to my second alanon meeting today. I have suggested counseling to my son; but he doesn't have a problem. We went through school counselors, principal, and school superintendent. He insists he has no problem. ALL kids smoke weed and drink. I told him today that I am not going to bail him out anymore that he is on his own. I told him I'm not going to beg or plead for him to get help. Should he decide he wants help let me know; however, he is not going to come and go as he pleases. Now I have to have the strength to stick with it. I love my son with all my heart but there is nothing more that I can do for him. He has got to realize that he does have a problem. I just hope he realizes it before it's too late.

Chy

Wow, at 17 that's a tough one!! Huge hugs! As mentioned though, he suffers from immature denial, and unfortunatly, he's got to be the one to admit it. He's running with a crowd that condones his behavior as well as supports it, they're the cool crowd, the infalable, the do no wrong it's my life attitude types.... Since there is not much you can do to get him help, as any attempts will be futile, what you can do is find support for you. Alanon is a great fellowship of people just like you, with kids, husbands, wives, friends, who just don't get it or are not ready to get it. Give them a call and go, in the meantime, visit our Friends and Family forum where you can get some tips on setting boundaries.

I know you want concrete answers, solutions, and him fixed, yesterday, but it doesn't work that way. You can not put your life on hold until he is ready, if he ever is ready, and that's a hard reality to accept as a mom. See, I was him, it took me 20 years to surrender to it, I pray he'll wake up a lot sooner or outgrow his destructive behavior.

What you can do is find support, get the tools generously offered, and move on with your life. We have to fall, many times sometimes before we're ready to accept the hand that helps us up, at 17 nothing my parents said or did mattered, I had a different agenda. I will pray he get's it sooner then me. *hugs*

Sandy Marie

I applaud you and support you totally. Thank goodness you have come to the realization early on that rescuing your son gives him the easy out. You'll learn how to stick with your decision from other parents in your support groups. Prayers.
Sandy