Supertired

I joined SR a little over a year ago, and over the last couple days ive been thinking alot about the past year, and how ill remember it, how ive changed, and what the major drivers were behind those changes. I dont post much, but im here most days. It's been a struggle marked by peaks and valleys. I finally reached my initial goal of 90 days continuous sobriety, and i guess, at this point, finally a vision of a sober future that could be had, has presented itself to me. Not a future that i had to pursue, but rather a future i WANT for myself. Until recently, this was not the case. I wasnt ready. I didnt want it enough. I still held on to a romanticized notion of what my drinking days were like. I adamantly practiced in self delusion, and took great pity on myself and my plight. Alcoholism was a curse, and i was to be deprived of joy. I now see the total folly of this thinking, and it is a great relief to be able to start to let it go. sobriety is like slipping into a hot bath. Things are slowing down, and i find myself having some quiet moments of singular peace. Im not a religeous person per se, but i feel truly lucky and grateful for these moments when they arrive. In many ways im grateful for my alcoholism, as odd as that seems. Ive had to confront things in a way i wouldnt have othewise and perhaps my life going forward will be richer for it. Im no longer ashamed of being an alcoholic. The compassion, insight, and quiet dignity shown by so many on this site, has been, and continues to be, the largest single reason for so many positive changes ive experianced in my life, and for this, I can never express my gratitude to this place, those who run it, and those who take time out of their lives to try and help the struggling amongst us. Im excited for the future, and optimistic about what it could bring. Hope springs eternal, and yours has started to rub off on me.
- Stefan

Soberwolf

Excellent thread & post Stefan

Supertired

thanks SW. you were amongst the first to welcome me 14 months ago. people like you keep people coming back. thank you

Ruby2

What a lovely and insightful post. One line resonated in particular. Alcoholism was a curse and I was to be deprived of joy by not drinking. My drinking wasn't joyful in the end and hadn't been for a very long time. Since quitting I've gained greater insight into myself and other around me because I'm not solely focused on getting drunk and escaping reality or nursing a hangover. Life is better. It isn't always a joy, but it is better than it was.

Thanks for posting.

Maudcat

Thank you.

FarToGo

I'm so glad I logged in and read this post. I'm so glad for you, you sound so 'there' with your journey.
Xx

Anna

I am so glad to read this. 😄😍

Mattq2

Very nice! Wish I could write that well. Thank you for posting that

Soberwolf

Anytime my friend

Mklove

"Sobriety is like slipping into a warm bath......"
Yes. Funny, I started taking baths this fall every night and I am left with such a feeling of warmth and accomplishment of another day of not drinking. So much better than passing out every night on top of the covers.

Dee74

Sounds great Supertired

D

Hevyn

Stefan - that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for acknowledging the help you've received by being here. It means the world.

I'm very happy to know you're experiencing hope and optimism. It's not one size fits all, & we each have our own unique journey. Not feeling alone made all the difference to me - and it's why I've stayed here all these years, even though it wasn't my intention.

LadyBlue0527

Stefan, I've been here for a while and for me, you just posted one of the most powerful posts I've ever read here.

I love this

Indeed, it's a new normal. I think part of what makes sobriety hard is we became accustomed to those extreme highs and lows. They became routine. It's the way we felt alive. When we transcend into a different life, minus those highs and lows, we are left with a feeling of emptiness where something feels missing. I remember for a while feeling like I was "merely existing".

Eventually, once the fog has cleared and you settle, true feelings, not alcohol induced feelings, start to surface. I'll never forget the first time I felt happiness, true happiness. Not because of alcohol but because I was feeling the actual emotion for the first time in years. The same for sadness. Although, the sadness was not the same insurmountable sadness that I'd feel when I used alcohol as a crutch to overcome.

Eventually, you learn to live in the new normal. Only then, can you come to appreciate that this is what life really is, and it's good. Appreciation for the simplicity of it. The beauty and freedom of doing things that you used to think were boring and actually receiving and feeling joy by doing them. It happens and it's a feeling unmatched,

This board has been monumental in my sobriety also. I may not post every day but I never miss a day coming here to read. It's all part of my plan.

This CAN be done, and it may take a while but what you posted Stefan is exactly what happens. Thank you for describing the joy of sobriety so eloquently.

stargazer016

Great post Supertired! Very inspiring!

PhoenixJ