SweatyHands

I am getting closer to at least identifying this feeling with more precision. We had a Solstice party at the house tonight. We invited some friends of mine from my graduate program, some work friends of my wife, and our realtor. People were drinking, which does not bother me. If someone was just getting wasted, I would immediately put my foot down, but most of my friends are not "that person." What I did notice though, was what is really going on when I have social anxiety. Several times tonight, I felt like I should be doing something different--like I needed to add something additional to make the experience more satisfying, or comfortable.

This brings me to my new exploration: Do I feel like this because I'm not drinking like I always used to? Or did I always feel like this, and I was drinking to try to satisfy that need to find the missing piece? I don't know yet, and I may never know. But that won't stop me from looking for some insight into this.

Dee74

I don't know what the answer to your question is for you SH but for me I always felt that way - that's one of the things I turned to alcohol to try and solve.

I'd always felt I was never good enough, that my company was lacking, I needed to be smarter, quicker or more interesting...

that silences needed to be filled with something...that I needed to say something witty or memorable, or entertain people....

Thats a hell of a lot of pressure to put on ones self.

These days - I'm older wiser and I know who I am...I'm me - deal with it or not

If you're around my place chances are you like me already...if not, you may not come back...

and I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm ok with that

D

Soberwolf

Think D just pretty much summed it up

August252015

I have always been an outgoing, "hostess" type who can talk to anyone (sober or drunk). Since I did that kind of thing mostly drunk for the last years (til the end when I really isolated apart from work and that crowd after), I hadn't realized I might feel what I'd call antsy now that I go to social things.

Which, first of all, I don't go to many. Baby steps there- my interactions with friends have largely been one on one or two. I have noticed that I feel over-stimulated and don't like to stay long in bigger settings. It is a little anxiety for sure and that's foreign to me coming from stuff I always handled with ease (from early days in life). I just have to listen to myself and when I get bored, restless or uncomfortable, it's time to go.

I anticipate all those feelings shifting and changing, easing I think, as my sobriety progresses (I am at exactly 10 mo today). I also know that I just don't want/intend/etc to spend time in situations I don't enjoy.

I'd say hang in there and listen to what your body is telling you.

Doug39

For me the hard part about social gathering that involve alcohol is that I sometimes get bored easily. I drank everyday for 27 years - so if I was at a social gathering when I was drinking and I got bored I would just do what I normally did - get drunk.

Now, when other people are getting loaded, getting loud and rambling on and on or repeating themselves I get bored and irritated. I also go through this at home on a regular basis because my wife still drinks everyday.

Bunny211

Gosh, me too. I am fine speaking from the podium or presenting at work but one on one...intimacy with people...I struggle. I think that was one of the reasons why I drank. Whenever I went out with friends I felt less than...until I took a drink. I always felt like I was not as pretty, skinny, funny or as well dressed as they were. I always felt worthless. Then I drank and I was "wittier, prettier and t1ttier" HA! It is something I struggle with still but I am working on it. Be patient with yourself. Big hugs.