Broken Hearted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 155
Broken Hearted
Its been four months since I moved out of XA-BFs house. I haven't spoken to him. He was drinking in secret, behind my back. I've tried to move on, but I relapsed on alcohol two months ago and now I am back on Day 9. I feel like a hypocrite--- relapsing and drinking. Like maybe we were two peas in a pod. Maybe we deserved eachother. Both depressed alcoholics with dark, buried problems.
At this point of my life I worry im just going to be alone forever. This is just going to be it for me. Going to be meetings, staying sober and coming home alone. Never finding a guy who can stay sober. It makes me wonder how in the hell anyone ever stays together? I don't understand it.
At this point of my life I worry im just going to be alone forever. This is just going to be it for me. Going to be meetings, staying sober and coming home alone. Never finding a guy who can stay sober. It makes me wonder how in the hell anyone ever stays together? I don't understand it.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
once you get some good solid sober time under your belt, and work thru some stuff, you will naturally find you in a different, better place than you are today. you will be stronger, healthier, more centered. you will then see the world differently.........and the world will see you differently as well.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
"Forever" is a really really really long time. You won't be alone that long, I promise.
Anvilhead is right...give yourself time. Remember that you're in early days again, yes? And everything looks dark then, at least it did for me. Pink cloud, my behind.
You can do this.
Anvilhead is right...give yourself time. Remember that you're in early days again, yes? And everything looks dark then, at least it did for me. Pink cloud, my behind.
You can do this.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry about the relapse. Hey, this isn't your destiny. You're addressing it. And good grief, it's way too soon to be deciding this is how the rest of your life is gonna look. Anvil is right--with some solid recovery, everything will be more hopeful and anything will be possible. Your ex's journey is his--you have your own. Keep your eyes on your own path.
Hugs, keep comin' back!
Hugs, keep comin' back!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 155
Thank you guys. Its just scaring to be alone. Like I am a failure. And I recognize its my codepency talking, but the thought still creeps into my head!
But I think you're right, because at least I work on my problem and he doesn't. I need to be single and focus on myself right now.
But I think you're right, because at least I work on my problem and he doesn't. I need to be single and focus on myself right now.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
SS 
I understand that impatience for things to be 'settled'. I think we have all had some version of that feeling at one time or another. When I was younger, I too, thought I was just a nobody failure unless I was in a relationship. It was as though my singleness signaled that there was something wrong with me.
But that really just is not the case. I'm single now, but not exactly by choice. I'm a widow. I am not a failure because I am alone...this is just the path I have to walk right now. I have been single before, and was comfortable with that status and even enjoyed my alone time.
I also understand the fear. I feel it now, too, to a certain extent. How will I manage taking care of the house, the bills--everything--by myself? I get it.
Just because you are not in a relationship right now does not mean that you are unlovable! The more time you take right now to work on your own health, the better your ultimate relationship will be
Healthy people = healthy relationships. I am glad you have decided to get back on board with sobriety!! I think the benefits will be many and will keep unfolding for you in ways you can't even begin to imagine right now.
Hang in there, and take good care of yourself! You are worth it!!
I understand that impatience for things to be 'settled'. I think we have all had some version of that feeling at one time or another. When I was younger, I too, thought I was just a nobody failure unless I was in a relationship. It was as though my singleness signaled that there was something wrong with me.
But that really just is not the case. I'm single now, but not exactly by choice. I'm a widow. I am not a failure because I am alone...this is just the path I have to walk right now. I have been single before, and was comfortable with that status and even enjoyed my alone time.
I also understand the fear. I feel it now, too, to a certain extent. How will I manage taking care of the house, the bills--everything--by myself? I get it.
Just because you are not in a relationship right now does not mean that you are unlovable! The more time you take right now to work on your own health, the better your ultimate relationship will be
Healthy people = healthy relationships. I am glad you have decided to get back on board with sobriety!! I think the benefits will be many and will keep unfolding for you in ways you can't even begin to imagine right now.Hang in there, and take good care of yourself! You are worth it!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 155
Thank you, Seren. That is exactly the word I was looking for.. impatience for things to be 'settled'. I'm sorry about your husband. And you're right, its not like we can always control being single or not. 
Its tough in December, too, there seems to be triggers for my codependency around every corner. Engagement ring commercials, holiday cards from people with perfect families, everyone on social media posting pics of them and their husband decorating the tree with their children. I wish I could just skip the holidays this year!
Its tough in December, too, there seems to be triggers for my codependency around every corner. Engagement ring commercials, holiday cards from people with perfect families, everyone on social media posting pics of them and their husband decorating the tree with their children. I wish I could just skip the holidays this year!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Hon,
Be grateful you are at day 9 and not one. You are going in the right direction. Could you imagine how hard it would be for you to be working on your sobriety and being in a relationship? You need to focus on you getting healthy, not taking of someone else. This is perfect timing to heal. You are blessed my friend.
Take one sober day at a time. You will soon be in double digits and then soon triple digits on your days. You got this!!!! If you take care of yourself, life will all fall into place the way God had intended it to be.
Be grateful you are at day 9 and not one. You are going in the right direction. Could you imagine how hard it would be for you to be working on your sobriety and being in a relationship? You need to focus on you getting healthy, not taking of someone else. This is perfect timing to heal. You are blessed my friend.
Take one sober day at a time. You will soon be in double digits and then soon triple digits on your days. You got this!!!! If you take care of yourself, life will all fall into place the way God had intended it to be.
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