countryboyUK

Hi everybody.

I drank everyday from the age of 15 to age 34. From about 20 to 26 I drank a lot - every night - and always alone. Drinking was never a social thing for me. It was private. It was my thing.

I prayed a lot and, although I didn't stop drinking, I met a woman and married her and was blessed with a child. Miraculously, I never missed a day of work through drinking so my career has been successful. I think the truth is that I was born with a big brain (pure luck) so on a bad day I can probably perform in a business setting better than most people on their best day. This has meant that, despite coasting, I have got to a point where I am successful in a work sense. This meant a big house, nice things, a great work life and a growing family. Everything I had ever wanted.

So there I was in 2012, driving my 14 month old son to nursery on my way to work when I realised I was still way over the drink drive limit from the night before. The night before I had been drinking wine with my wife. As usual, I had bought three bottles of the same wine. I had one in the fridge that we were sharing, one hidden in a cupboard near the kitchen and another hidden as backup. Each time I went to fill our glasses I poured myself one from the other cupboard, drank it, then filled both our glasses from the fridge. This meant that rather than have half a bottle each, I was able to have a bottle and a half. This happened a lot and I knew that if I ran out I had an emergency bottle to hand.

It scared me straight. I decided I didn't want to be that kind of Dad. My boy trusted me completely. I didn't want to be like that and be risking his life by drink driving with him in the car. I stopped drinking for four years.

This year I started drinking again. Now I want to stop again. I can't do this without help so, tomorrow night I am going to the local AA group. I can't do this alone and I need help. I need to keep telling myself that.

One day, I want my boys to be proud of me when they are old enough to understand. I don't want my demons to become theirs. I want to destroy these demons, not pass them on. I can't do this on my own.

Now I have to stop. Because I can't see through my tears.

Thank you for reading.

Dee74

You'll find an incredible wellspring of support and encouragement here countryboy - I remember being in tears too - tears of gratitude because I had found a place that understood and would help.

welcome aboard

D

PhoenixJ

A good place to start. You have seen, glimpsed that horror which may befall you. You need to stop drinking firstly- for you. If your motivation is your family- you need to be sober- honestly and completely for you first. I am only sharing from my own experiences. Going to AA is very good. Maybe a sponsor. I also keep regular contact with my doctor- perhaps something to consider because going cold turkey can be unsafe. I also have a counsellor and see a psychologist- because I have depression and anxiety. I am smart- but am emotionally immature and do not cope with the world with the maturity (emotionally) as and adult- thus external (from just myself) support is vital. No controlled drinking -for me that was crap. I think you are doing well- raw honesty posted to the outside world means a lot. Thankyou. Keep reading the threads, keep posting, keep trying. Support and prayers to you and your family, PJ.

Soberwolf

So glad you found us brother

August252015

Glad you are here. Glad you have decided you need help before the "yets" have happened, as we call them (haven't lost [ ].....yet).

Hope to see you around- AA is a great start.

Berrybean

Welcome. And good luck with your meeting. If it is your first meeting there are lots of threads on here that cover what you can expect to happen there. And if there is something you want to know, ask away. There are lots of AAers on the forum.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

countryboyUK

Thank you for the welcome everybody; I am very grateful.

teaorcoffee

Welcome, you know you can do this, you know you want to do this.
Keep posting and hang in there. You've found a safe place.

Mark1014

Welcome countryboyUK!

As a dad of three I can say that modeling a life without alcohol to my children has been a worthy component of my continued sobriety. I know with 100 % certainty that I'm a better dad sober and the undeniable truth of that has helped me shut down the (previously incessant ) whisper of my AV many times.

Again welcome and I'm so glad you've found the support here.

D122y

Country,

Welcome.

My usual offering is....we are addicts. Physical and mental.

Remember that when you crave.

Then work to enjoy your sobriety. It takes time for the brain's natural dopamine production to get back to normal. Until then you will be uncomfortable sometimes.

Thanks.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum CountryboyUK!!