Sweetnina

when I was growing up. He stopped drinking when I was 13. Im now 27 and I feel like I have "issues" in my relationships now due to what I experienced growing up. My biggest issue is trust. My husband goes away on business alot and Im always worried that he will cheat on me, I HATE when he drinks at all even though I know HE would never be an alcoholic. We fight alot because of this and I know its my fault but I dont know how to change. He never did anything to betray my trust. I dont know if this is linked to my childhood. My father used to come home late and night from bars and fight w/my mom and keep us up all night long. (and cheated on my mom)
If someone can give me some advice I would really appreciate it, I feel like this is totally ruining my relationship and it makes me scared.

By the way, my dad is fine now, my parents are still together even though they dont have the best relationship. He hasnt touched a drink since he stopped. I dont have a great relationship with him, I dont think I ever will but I love him and do forgive him.

JT

My dad is an alcoholic too going on 30 years sober. I used to think I was unaffected because my parents never really fought and my mom did a good job of sweeping all the bad stuff under the rug. But I was affected big time. I never really got it until I was forty and my son started drinking.

You could educate yourself about the family disease concept, you could go to Al Anon or ACOA, you could get councelling...but I hope you do one or more of the above. I would hate to see you wait until 40 to crash and burn like I did. I poisoned a few relationships without even understanding what I was doing.

((hugs))
JT

Tiro

I too allowed my past to affect my present.

You are probably right.It may be childhood issues that may very well affect your relationships today.But counselling may be able to help.

Children learn from their parents.As a child you learned that your father was unfaithful to your mother so now you think all men will be unfaithful to you.

Gabe

There is a poem that goes by the name of "Children Learn What They Live".
I'm not going to rehash it here, it gets touted around too much. Suffice it to say that the message in that poem is clear. Kids do learn what they live.
If we learned dysfunctional things as children, it is up to us to "un-learn" them.
We don't have to stay locked in the past.
We don't have to live in the patterns set for us by our parents.
We don't have to be hurt children anymore.
We all have a choice.
To live with the ghosts of the past, or to set out on a new journey of our own.
The past only keeps you a prisoner as long as you let it.

talia

I read your response....

"the past only keeps you a prisoner as long as you let it"...

I just got back from an ACoA meeting...and something I shared was that..."I have recreated the prison I lived in as a child"...

I was the "invisible child" or "lost child"..in my family...one way that I survived was by escaping through books...and living in a kind of magical/fantasy world..and dreaming of how my life was going to be..once I escaped the prison I was living in....I was waiting and waiting for time to pass...

well, now I am an adult..my child has grown..and I am alone...and a relationship has ended(wow..prince charming turned out to be the devil in disguise)..

I find myself wanting to live a different life...but it is really hard to break out of my own prison..I find my self.....waiting..waiting...just as I did as a child...waiting for that "life" to begin...and I KNOW this is wrong....

I know it is up to me...to create a new life...but finding it hard to break out of the pattern..I'm really trying to understand why I do this...because it's comfortable?...there are no abusive parents here...holding me prisoner here...I am the only one here....I can do whatever I want....be whatever I want...and have no idea....what I want...

I keep praying...for God to guide me...tell me what direction to go in..

I guess...I am trying to understand...why I am keeping myself prisoner..maybe I have not let go of the past...

I have a hard time setting goals..I don't even know what to make as a "goal"...except that I am a much better person that I was a few weeks ago...when I do go out..I like who I am more..I am more honest...I try very hard not to put on a mask..

well..thanks for letting me share...your message was kind of ironic...because of what I said in my ACoA meeting....