viola71

My AH has finally come to terms with his FOO. He's finally found the strength to disconnect. It has been 20 years of lies, drug abuse, and disfunction. The last two years have been a living hell waiting for him to put up boundaries, and it took me refusing to allow my children to be seen by them because of the drug use and danger of the situation. He has lost his entire family to drugs and death and is now choosing to walk away. My question is should I be hopeful or brace for the worst? He has dealt with this secret shame of his dysfunctional family, not fixing their issues and guilt for living a successful by comparison life. Just wondering how to mentally prepare for what will walk in the door on Sunday?

Bekindalways

Hi Viola, I hope in the last 20 years you have figured out how to take care of yourself. Do you go to Alanon? Have you found anything that helps you live a teeny bit better with an AH?

I'm asking because I myself struggle to take care of myself and my own problems.

LexieCat

If by "hopeful" you mean you hope he will now recover, I hope so too, but I wouldn't count on it. His family wasn't the reason he drank--he drank because he's an alcoholic. His family may have been a factor in that, but just detaching from them won't fix him.

Anything is possible--I just wouldn't read too much into it.

viola71

Thanks for your responses. Thanks to this group I have learned to take care of myself over the last 2 years. I have started creating the life I always wanted. I have a separate place that I have designed just for me, I have expanded my friend group and found some really wonderful people that I can actually count on. Its just so sad to watch this all go down in slow motion it seems. My husband has said he always wanted an authentic honest relationship with his family of origin, he has put so much energy into these dysfunctional people, yet the authentic honest relationship with his immediate family has been here waiting for years and he seems uninterested in that. I have had so much growth in the last two years that I am finally at peace. I will be at peace if I decide to leave and I will be at peace knowing I can and will take care of myself and that I deserve this other life I have been creating. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and an abundance of Peace!

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.