Meraviglioso

I a really struggling, particularly as we approach the holidays, with being ok with being happy.

My coat project for the refugees has failed. We needed to collect 152 warm, winter coats in order to be let into the tent camp by the red cross. They won't allow us in unless we have something for everyone. With what we have collected we will give to other refugees in need- those not living in the camp.

There is also the news out of Aleppo that is making me feel so helpless and sad. It is just heartbreaking.

I went to have my hair done yesterday and really couldn't enjoy it thinking "how can I be here in this warm salon, doing something so "extravagant" when there are people being shot point blank in Aleppo, among other atrocities in the world?"

I have gone shopping for gifts and then walk out the door to find people begging for help and I feel so awful and selfish for spending money on silly things.

I am looking so forward to my trip to DC but I know there is a big homeless problem there, I remember it from other times I have visited. I am very nervous about walking around amongst that and not being able to help people.

I want to enjoy myself and be happy butI feel guilty doing so while others suffer so much. When I feel these strong emotions I often feel the desire to drink to just forget about it, to not care so much. Which is ridiculous, why would I go into a warm restaurant and order a $8 glass of wine when there is a homeless person outside with nothing to eat, but that is what I feel.

I know I sound like a goody-two-shoes, but this is something I very much suffer with. How do you reconcile the socio-economic differences, especially during the holiday season?

Dee74

I do what I can, Mera.

I can't do everything, and I can change very little on a global scale - but I try to 'be the change I want to see in the world' best I can.. .

Thinking about that obsessively or being guilty without respite because so much of the world is unhappy tho? That could be a noble thing, but it can also be self indulgent too...

If your AV is like mine it's not adverse to reminding you that you really have no right to be happy, being happy is unfamiliar (and probably not tenable long term) and lets face it you really feel more comfortable being unhappy...

It might be trying a few back doors trying to get in?

Maybe you can help out at a soup kitchen or something while you're in DC?

D

Meraviglioso

I know, I know.... It really is self-indulgent but I can't seem to escape these thoughts/feelings. I do as much as I can but it is never enough.
I do like to think that by spending money in shops or restaurants I am doing my part to keep the economy turning, which may help in the long run.
It's just so heartbreaking to see what is happening everywhere, especially now in Aleppo. I don't understand how humans can be so evil to one another.

On that note, if there are any doctors here, there is a Syrian organisation that is looking for medical professionals to offer medical advice and instructions via Skype. They are in desperate need. Please PM me for more information.

Dee74

Remember what I said about the AV tho Mera - I think there's a difference between feeling compassion and feeling despair.

doggonecarl

I don't think guilt is the healthiest emotion to be feeling. Perhaps gratitude is more appropriate.

The world's condition, when viewed through one lens--that of seeing only the bad--can be overwhelming in its sadness.

We can only do what we can do.

Back in 2001, I starting volunteering at a dog rescue shelter thinking it would be fulfilling to help dogs. What I wasn't aware of was the terrible plight of shelter animals, how many a year are killed. Millions. And shelter animals are not the only ones suffering. Millions of dogs and cats are mistreated or neglected my their owners. I was so sad and upset. I wanted to do something, but what?

Then I realized, I could only "really" do something with the 15 dogs in our care. See that they were loved and fed and walked and the best effort possible put forth to find them forever homes. That was manageable; that I could do.

We can only do what we can do.

And you can do what you can do, in a little way, where you are. Be thankful you are in a position to do so.

Ariesagain

Have you done any reading on being an empath? Knowing how to keep your force fields up so you don't drown in the world's many sorrows can be tough.

To start...your coat project didn't fail if someone, let alone multiple someone's, are warm right now. To echo Doggone Carl and quote Mother Teresa at the same time,

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

Mountainmanbob

I will admit that it's tough at times being so blessed and seeing so many in the world struggling -- some poor souls just praying to live through the day.

I thank God (often) that I live where I live and have what I have. I know not why (I) have been blessed such as this?

You are a very caring person with a big heart and love for others. Seems the best thing that we can do is to thank the One who has blessed us with the extra resources so as to help others. Remember, even if we make only a very small dent, it's a dent in the right direction.

It's not much but, my wife and I sponsor four children in different countries and also do a few other little things. I will admit that it's not much but, we would not wish to do less.

I didn't read the other post until I had posted.
Then I saw that healing word -- (grateful) that we have extra to give.

Many blessings sent to you.
From, M-Bob

entropy1964

Hey Mera

I don't have any real advice here. I watched the news last night, more on Aleppo, and it was heart breaking. I felt overwelmed, my stomach was turning. Immediately I couldn't think clearly....just got all messed up in the head. I don't think of drinking but I know when my thinking is fried like that I have to take action. In that moment it was prayer and meditation because that is all I could do. I have, in the past, thought to myself 'millions of people are struggling with insurmountable pain and they don't drink over it'. That helps me.

The concern I have is for you. Your previous post was very 'high' and excited. Same day this post of sadness and despair. You are heading on a long trip. I guess what I'm saying is please be careful. Focus on your recovery. Take away expectations, particularly of yourself. It does not have to be a perfect trip. Stay in the moment. Rely on your HP (I hope you have one) to guide you through this stressful time.

Try to be aware of when your addiction is doing the thinking. Hang in there.

ScottFromWI

You do this by sharing what time and resources you have available to you. None of us can save the whole world, even those who are in positions of great power and wealth. There are just too many factors against us in life to control them all. Ring the bell at a salvation army bucket for an hour - dontate a gift to a charitable organization - go visit a nursing home and spend an hour just talking with someone who has no one to talk with- it doesn't have to be spending lots of money or saving thousands of lives to make a change.

fini

you might get something out of Peter Singer's book The Life You Can Save.
i read it many years ago, and it's on my to-reread shelf, so i'm not exactly remembering it, but it does speak to what is doable by one person and how to get clearer on responsibility and our part and ...ja.

january161992

i struggle with this also

how dare i complain after being given the keys to the kingdom

Anna

Yes, exactly! We must not despair because that helps no one. Mera, you can only do what you can do. You are sober and clear-headed and therefore, you are able to do more at this time than if you were drinking. That's awesome!

Soberwolf

bemyself

Yeah, Mera - I get it, alright; the sheer intensity of that feeling-for (empathy) and / or rage at the huge injustices and misery being perpetrated on so many millions of people. And, then, of course - the sense of relative helplessness to 'do much about it'. Then leading to the First World guilt. (For that's what you're describing, in my experience).
The flip side of that is 'compassion fatigue', I'm sure you've heard about that too. I've experienced ALL and each of these things - and, to be perfectly honest: when I've let any of them become too overwhelming, I have literally relapsed. One time, as recently as mid-this year.

yet, while I was reading through your post and all the wise responses - it reminded me of some times when I've pictured myself right there, in the midst of (for example) a crowd of refugees trudging through rubble and chaos with so very little, leaving their lives and their dead behind.............being one of them. The same for natural disasters and so on. And I've been struck: If I'm in the midst of something like that, the very last thing on my mind would be along the lines of wishing there was a nice restaurant nearby to stop into for a glass of wine or seven, to ease the pain.

! Puts it into perspective for me, at least. ! A mind-switch, if you will.

And then get out there to dig up some more coats, luv.
Just as all I was able to do this year was tell my kids that I'm just sending them a card, noting that instead of presents - I'm donating some dollars for all three of us to Save the Children - Syria crisis fund. That's what I can do.

BrendaChenowyth

Look at the percentages of the world that lacks electricity or clean water. Does this mean we should feel guilty every time we turn on the lights or drink water that doesn't run the risk of giving us dysentery?

Aellyce

For me, being useful in the grander scheme should start with taking good care of myself. How could I serve any "higher purpose" if I can't get beyond my own issues? I don't think we need to deny satisfying affordable and harmless needs because the distribution of goods in the world is uneven and unjust. Maybe donate some resources to a cause you care for.

Also, I think it's best to find an affordable, realistic, smaller niche for service work or for otherwise being helpful. I like the examples some posters brought up from their own life for this. Find something you are passionate about and can engage in in your reality. But first of all, please don't grasp on worrying about the big problems and injustices in the world in such a way that they compromise your own recovery or provide distractions!

Hopedeferred

Not sure of your faith, but even Jesus said "You will always have the poor..." Evil exists because of our human condition and incredible propensity for engaging in sin or anything that is anti-God /anti-good.

That said, I struggle with guilt all the time, too. But it is wonderful that you have such a heart for others...think of all the Scrooges in the world that are so miserable because that have no love for others in their heart. That leaves them quite alone and increases their misery.

Maybe if you did work at a soup kitchen every now and then you could benefit from seeing those in need really appreciate your self-sacrifice? As long as your not driving home feeling guilty because you have a home to go to, tho.

Can I say thank you tho for posting your coat drive "failure" because you've given me a reason to stay sober this weekend...I have plenty of things I could drop off at the Salvation Army that would benefit homeless or poor people...but I can't function well enough when I'm hung over so I need to not drink tonight so I can get up and get moving tomorrow!

Mountainmanbob

Too many big steps in one direction may be tiring.
Yet, steady with baby steps can be satisfying.

I can't save the world but, my prayer for some time has been,
If I could help just one Dear Lord.

M-Bob

Dee74

I mean to add - your coat project was anything but a failure Mera!

A coat in winter can be invaluable, life saving even and now a number of refugees are better off because of something you were involved in

D

Meraviglioso

Thanks everyone. I appreciate hearing that I am not alone in feeling this way. And yes, BrendaChenowyth (love, love love your user name!) I DO sometimes feel guilty in my warm house with lights and water. I do what I can but it always seems to be a drop in a bucket. I guess my most satisfying work so far has been concentrating on this one particular group of refugees that I have become close to. Me and a friend have done so much to help them have a better life and there I can see the real difference it has made for them. We have fixed up their house, put in working electricity and water, helped pay bills, bought and sought out donations for their babies, gone with them to the visa office and to court to translate and push for their rights. I feel good about that and I just need to stay there. They appreciate it so much too. Tomorrow they have invited me to their baby Peace's dedication ceremony at their church. Afterwards they will cook a big meal for everyone, I am excited, I love all kinds of food but have never tired Nigerian food. I need to be on my game though because last time I went to visit and play with the baby they offered me this drink, they said it was a special drink they have in Nigeria. I couldn't read the bottle but I knew when I opened it and brought it to my lips it had alcohol in it. It was really awkward refusing it after they had made such a kind gesture, I didn't want them to think I didn't like their food/drink. I just said "oh no, I can't drink any alcohol and drive home"
Anyway. I'll do what I can but very importantly I'll work on not being so overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.